Boyfriend has really close "girl" friend??

[TheEvilJester]

I still don't think the particular content of his message is necessarily something I would consider inappropriate. To put it in context, imagine if one female friend sent that same message to another female friend. Heck, even though guys usually aren't that open with their feelings and emotions, imagine one male friend sent it to another male friend as well. In either of those cases, you wouldn't think "Woah! He/she is secretly in love with this friend." You'd just think "Hey, that was a really nice, sweet message." I suppose he could have specifically used the word friend such as saying "You are a really special person to me and a great friend...." But, from what you shared of the message, I don't think the content in an of itself was inappropriate from one friend to another regardless of the gender.

HOWEVER....

I do think there are a few ways in which it did somewhat cross the boundaries of what is appropriate in this specific situation. For example, the fact that it is almost exactly word for word a message he has sent to you as somebody he liked as more than a friend, that does make it seem a bit inappropriate. Also, considering the fact that he once had feelings for her, that makes it a bit inappropriate. So, yeah, I'd agree in this case that he did kind of cross the boundaries a bit. Did he realize that and/or intend it? Maybe, maybe not. It does at least sound like he legitimately feels bad that he upset you. He could be sincere in that, or he may not be sincere at all. Time will tell for sure. For now, it seems like he legitimately is trying to learn the appropriate balance to make all parties happy. If he continues to sincerely make the effort, then perhaps you give him the benefit of the doubt.... within reason that is. First off, "sincerity" can often be easy to fake, but never for long. So, if he proves not to be quite so sincere after all, you certainly don't want to put up with that. Secondly, even if he does make a sincere effort, if it seems like he cannot find a balance that makes him happy without upsetting you, then perhaps that is not enough. After all, the road to Hell was paved with good intentions, as they say. Good luck to you. I hope it goes well.

EDIT: Jester being a nerd in a sort of related, sort of unrelated separate thought....

P.S.

How much of a nerd does it make me that, in my head, I was kind of equating this to a situation in Spider-Man 3? LOL! It made me think of the scene where Peter, as Spider-Man, does the upside-down kiss with Gwen Stacy for the photo shoot, not even thinking how that would hurt MJ's feelings since it was an exact copy of a special moment they shared. "Spider-Man" and Gwen kissing would MAYBE be somewhat forgivable if truly just done for the crowd. What made it wrong was a) the fact that it was a special moment Peter and MJ had (albeit before she knew he was Spider-Man) and b) it wasn't just a kiss with some random girl he rescued, it was a girl in his school with whom he was very friendly.

[Wakeup]

Jester: You are missing the fact that in one sentence you say you don't think that it's inappropriate to send that letter and then you go on in the next paragraph to say how it is exactly inappropriate. He sent the exact same words to his girlfriend prior to him sending them to his "friend" that takes away any specialness that those words meant to the op.
That surely is inappropriate no matter that the boyfriend's intent was supposedly "innocent."

[shybutfreaky]

if he hasnt given you a reason to not trust him , trust him, my ex from 10 years ago is one of my best friends, we dont do nothing or feel that way no more and never would happen my girlfriend knows that and doesnt get jealous about it

[Wakeup]

if he hasnt given you a reason to not trust him , trust him, my ex from 10 years ago is one of my best friends, we dont do nothing or feel that way no more and never would happen my girlfriend knows that and doesnt get jealous about it

Just wondering if you took the time to read the entire thread?

This isn't about "trust" this is about acting inappropriately and disrespectfully to one's SIGNIFICANT other which her boyfriend has been doing. I suspect he's doing it unintentionally but the fact remains that he's being disrespectful of his primary partner's feelings. He wrote his opposite sex friend the same words that he wrote to his significant other which clearly means he's treating her NOT significantly... that amongst other "crossing relationship boundaries" with this "friend"

[TheEvilJester]

Jester: You are missing the fact that in one sentence you say you don't think that it's inappropriate to send that letter and then you go on in the next paragraph to say how it is exactly inappropriate. He sent the exact same words to his girlfriend prior to him sending them to his "friend" that takes away any specialness that those words meant to the op.
That surely is inappropriate no matter that the boyfriend's intent was supposedly "innocent."

LOL! That's my fault, but I think you misunderstood. My point was that the content of the message itself wasn't necessarily something inappropriate to send to a friend of any gender.... what made it inappropriate was that it was basically the exact same message he'd sent to his girlfriend back when they were not yet dating, but he already liked her. What makes it inappropriate is that he used the same sort of touching, heart-felt message with a girl he wanted to date that he did with a girl he claims only to think of as a friend. (In other words, pretend a fictional scenario where he didn't have a girlfriend, this female friend didn't have a boyfriend, and they were both just friends.... I wouldn't say this is an inappropriate message, nor do I think it should automatically be construed that he though of her as more than just friends.)

It sort of makes the words less special if he tends to just say it to everybody. I mean, if I had a close enough friend, regardless of gender, I might send them a message (especially on a special occasion like their birthday) to say how much I appreciate having them in my life, or something like that. I know what it is like letting all the wrong people into your life, or being without anybody. So I value the good people who do come into my life. All the same, I think if/when I have a girlfriend, I'd likely think twice about sending that kind of message to another girl, or at the very least I'd make sure to include the word "friend" a few times just to make it very clear.

It is sort of off the main point of this thread, but sort of not. My point just being it IS possible that he meant the message as a 100% innocent message to a good friend. The important distinction, though, is it was done in a way that upset the OP, so this fella does need to learn a better balance. It does at least seem like he is trying, though.

[Wakeup]

Well, I'll just say that sending something like that a member of the opposite sex could very well cause them to start looking at you in a more then platonic light. That is why it is inappropriate.

Telling two women of different relationship dynamics the same thing is additionally a good reason for it to be inappropriate.