I need advice..

[Jaschneider23]

Hello! I am desperate for some good advice about my situation. So long story short, I have been dating this man well call JB for one year. JB is older, he is 43 I am 29. We have been living together for over 6 months. When we meet, he was legally married, but seperated. He has three kids with said ex wife 14, 11, 9. Ex wife is a crazy crazy person and has caused a lot of drama. Including coming over to our house to fight me (we did fight and I had her arrested). Needless to say, his kids have been on the fence with me, they are sometimes nice sometimes rude. I really want to get married and have a family. I've told him this over and over. He does not want either (divorce went through in October). I'm not looking to get married tomorrow or anything but in the future. I love this man, but he just recently told me he was seriously thinking of getting "snipped" because I keep talking about kids. For the most part he is wonderful, aside from some insecurities I have with him and his ex and a little temper. Should I give up on having kids and being married and stay with him? Or should I go?

[Wakeup]

I don't even know why you'd move in with a married man after only knowing him for six measly months so my answer is to get yourself away from someone that DOES NOT WANT THE SAME DATING END GOAL AS YOU DO.

WTF

[basilandthyme]

I'm wondering why you've told him 'over and over' that you want marriage and a family. Are you trying to persuade him to change his mind?

As for the question of stay or go, it depends entirely on whether you'd be happy and content without marriage and children of your in your future. If you think you'd have regrets, then you need to leave and find a man who wants what you want.

[jenniferaniston]

I think you have wasted you time with him as your age difference is too much and he had 3 children with his 1st wife still his 1st relationship didn't workout that doesn't mean your relationship can workout, don't think about getting marry to him as you will spoil your life. So move on.

[mjalex]

I don't believe age difference is a problem, though it's important in a relationship that two people must want similar large goals. Having discrepancies over children is a big one for sure! If you two don't see eye to eye and having a family is rather important to you, it's better if you leave him behind. There is someone else out there that shares your ideas who would be a great match!

[dontaskme]

You're 29 years old, you have yet to make your future and you want to waste it with a man who is 14 years older (way too old for you IMO), divorced with 3 young kids to support, wants to have a vasectomy so he can no longer have children (no kids for you if you end up with him), and he has a crazy ex wife to deal with?

Is that where you want your life to go? Hmmm, I feel sorry for you already.

[Jaschneider23]

Thank you for the responses. I have given it so much though and tears. I am not ready to give up on not having a family on my own because of someone else. If I physically cannot then that is another thing, I am leaving. Hopefully I will find Mr. Right soon! Thank you

[basilandthyme]

I think you're doing the right thing. Good luck!

[TablesandChairs]

Rest assured, you're doing the right thing. I don't know you or him or the situation aside from what you've mentioned - but in any instance where the compromise involves something so significant - wanting kids - the answer is not to settle. Whether you break it off now or next year or the year after - it will eventually happen. Your desire to marry and have kids will get stronger in your 30's and you'll reach a point, eventually, when you realise you don't have many reproductive years left. Then, you'll resent the heck out of him, his kids, his ex, his situation. You've already made the decision so I'm only validating that it's the right thing to do. At the best of times, coping with being the 'step parent' is hard, especially when there's so much acrimony involved. But to be told the trade off is never having kids of your own...never going to work.

Be resolute in knowing that having kids is a priority for you - a non-negotiable. If a man does not have that on the agenda; move on. Compromising only works when what you're sacrificing isn't such a big deal.