Husband cheated, unsure if my feelings are right

[manda23]

I guess to start off I’m 27 and my husband is 31. We’ve been married only 6 months but have been together for 10. We have two kids with a third on the way.
To give a little back-story, 5 years ago I cheated on him. I instantly came clean and gave him the option of leaving. He decided to stay and we worked things out. I did what I had to do to gain his trust back.
Since then things have been fine, never had a reason to not trust each other. But in the past two years or so I have caught him a number of times with fake accounts to get nude photos from girls online. He always told me he stopped doing it just to be caught again. Then just after we got engaged I caught him with nude photos of a friend and local girls. He again told me he would stop, and for a while I thought he did. After the wedding he was caught again. It was in November I could sense things were different. He was staying up late at night, wasn’t showing any affection towards me. He made a friend at work and spent all his time talking to her. From the moment he would wake up till the moment he went to bed. He didn’t even want me to go to his work Christmas party which is a first.
I stood up for myself and told him things needed to change and that we needed to focus on making our relationship better. A few days before Christmas he told me he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me or not. Things between us didn’t really change that much, he just wanted some space. Christmas eve we went into his work to get groceries and he spent the entire time staring at his friend. I had asked him if he was confused about something or if he had feelings for someone else and right away got defensive about his friendship. He went on and on defending she was only a friend and I have nothing to worry about because he goes to work and comes home and it’s impossible for anything to happen while at work because someone would see. This ‘break’ lasted about two weeks and then he eventually told me he wanted to be with me. Things were fine for a week and then it happened again. This time though he said he was done. He wasn’t happy with me anymore.
I again told him I felt like there was someone else or something else making him feel the way he did. Even though he said he was done he still slept in bed, kissed me, told me he loved me, he would get mad if I didn’t cook him super or if I wasn’t home, wanted me to drive/pick him up from work. He never acted like was done just said he was. I had told my mom everything that was going on and things that I had seen. She cornered him at work about 3 weeks after he said he was done and confronted him. She asked him if he was cheating. He right away said no, he would never or has never cheated. He blew up at me forever even thinking that, made me feel guilty for thinking that and again defending his friendship. He got mad at me because his friend told him they shouldn’t talk for awhile because she didn’t want to be seen as a home wrecker. Later that night we made up and worked things out.
Shortly after we made up things still didn’t seem right. So I did some digging and found a lot of things that made me question everything he said.
During the first ‘break’ he was offering to buy his friend things, calling her Hun, telling her he missed her. He had late night phone calls and one night spent over two hours with her face timing. He bought her music with notes that said, “Because I still love you”. During our second break they had a conversation one night where he had told her he loved her, asked her to come cuddle, asked her on a date, talked about how good work would be Thursday and how he would make sure he had a small amount of work to do and asked her to make out again. And at some point had to stop doing something and sent a text saying “sorry the wife came down. I don’t want to get caught yet.”
There was also nude photos involved but I’m not sure when they were sent.
I confronted him about the making out text. At first he tried to say he never said that and if he did it was a joke just like everything else. He got defensive about it and tried his hardest to turn it around on me. He eventually admitted that they did kiss at work one day on break. That it lasted less then 20 seconds, no tongue. He told me it meant nothing it was a mistake and he did it because he was mad at me. They talked after and both agreed it was a mistake and they are only friends.
He swears he never felt anything for her and their was never anything else between them. They were always just friends and it just happened. But I have a hard time believing that with everything else. He has lied so many times before that I can’t seem to believe what he’s saying now. I still feel like there’s more to what happened then what he’s saying. He swears it will never happen again and at least what he did wasn’t as bad as what I did, it was just a kiss not sex. But to me it feels like what they had was an emotional affair that went a little to far before he relaized what was happening. Maybe he can't admit it to himself?
He said that the two of them are still going to talk and be friends but will not let me read their conversations because to him that’s giving up his freedom.
Am I crazy for thinking there was more or maybe even still is more between them?
Am I wrong for thinking there’s still stuff I don’t know?
Or should I just move on with him and believe what he says?
Sorry my post is long and thank you for reading it. Any input would be appreciated.

[abby1022]

I would not believe him and he did cheat emotionally and physically whether there was sex or not. I would either seek serious counseling or come up with an exit strategy. If you really love him and its worth salvaging then try, but you would both need to put 100% towards it and if he's still talking to her that will never happen.

[lissa]

I wouldn't believe a word he says.

Every time you've caught him in a lie, he's given up a small amount of information out of necessity and it's obviously like only 1% of the whole story. I can't guarantee it, but if he's saying he loves her and nude photos are involved, I'm 99.999% sure they've had sex. Multiple times.

He felt an emotional/sexual/whatever connection with another woman, and instead of ending things with you, or processing his feelings to understand what was really going on with him, he has wimped out as a human being and decided to sneak around and lie to both of you. It's pathetic. And I agree with you that he is also lying to himself about the reality of this situation. But that doesn't excuse the fact that it's still a bunch of lies.

I don't think this is even worth working on at this point. He has no issues lying to you left and right and if he's still talking to this woman, then he has no remorse. You deserve a lot better than this.

[bcgirl]

No you are not crazy for thinking he has done something more. He has broken your trust time and again. He's lied to you over and over and over until you had found proof. Truth is that you've only found the tip of the iceberg and the stuff that you don't know about is probably way worse. We always naturally want to give our loved ones the benefit of the doubt as a coping mechanism to not hurt more than we already are. But don't be naive. What would you tell your friend if she came to you?
It's too bad that you keep on having children in an unstable relationship.

Get a divorce. Allow his to get his f*ck on with random girls and you get your life sorted out...and stop having any more kids!

[jenniferaniston]

Give yourself time. There is no timetable for forgiveness. Some people are able to forgive a cheating husband in a matter of days while for others it could take years. Take all the time you need to work through your emotions, pain and fears.

[eve.ashley]

that you want to forgive cheating does not give you a free pass to do the same. unless you say, i want to have one affair as well, before i can forgive, which again breaks you up, and you may get back together or not...

he could have left, or tried to stay and be a normal, loyal husband...he acts like a single guy not a marreid father of three.


i'm sorry but all of you deserve better, especially the kids...

you cheat, he cheats...separate already, and co parent those kids, and do your single thing...

i'm sorry darling, that's my take. i am known to be wrong as well as right...

good luck...

[IndiReloaded]

So in this case, I would agree with Ashley. You need to leave. He's past disrespecting you. This may have started even back when you cheated but that's past.

Will you wait until he actually does cheat and give you an STD? Think ahead for you and your kids.

[woody]

ditch the prick