My online relationship.

[Dni]

Hello everyone, I'm fairly new here, and I can't find my way around. I don't know if you guys give love advice about things like this, but I fell in love with a person over the internet. I can't stop thinking about him and I made a mistake and broke up, I don't know what to do and how to fix things and that is why I'm here in search for help, plus I have no one to turn to for help. Before I would write my detailed story, I wanted to check if I am at the right place, if I'm not, then please let me know.

Thank you in advance.

[basilandthyme]

Yes you are in the right place. Welcome aboard.

Regarding your comments about how ending this relationship was a mistake, was there a possibility of the two of you living in the same place in the near future?

[Dni]

So, I've wrote down around an hour of text, but then the letter limit kicked in, so half of my story can't be written down. I wanted to know if it is possible to me to just post the notepad instead here or something. I would really like to tell my full story but I don't know how.

- - - Updated - - -

Also to replay on the question, yes, we were planing on me actually moving to Canada one day and being with him.

[basilandthyme]

Honestly, nobody is going to read a stream of text. Give us the story in a nutshell.

[pcmaster]

I believe character limit is 15k so if you cant put that in one post then make two. But highlight the most important things so we dont miss what it all about while reading your super long story.

[Dni]

Alright then I'll give you the story without that many details. Well first a bit about us. We are both 23 and I'm from Serbia, he is from Canada. We met over the game called World of Warcraft. We started off as friends there, however, we spent more and more time every day until he told me that he has a crush on me. So we went under the flag of "friends with benefits" with the two of us finding more and more ways to spend time together. We would watch movies and anime in sync together, we would be on Skype for days and even do things like cyber sexing. So at the start, it was amazing, but soon there were some things coming into the way. I'll just name a few like, the fact that he has a boyfriend, who btw, he never broke up.

A bit about the boyfriend situation. I was a lot jealous, reasoning for that is that I would always hear how the boyfriend isn't treating him good, how he is unhappy and that he sees no love interest between the two of them, he would often say that he sees him as a friend and that he wants him as a friend. But the break up never happened because he didn't want to lose him as a friend, as the boyfriend said that he isn't keeping contact with exes. So this wasn't that big of a problem, until Valentine's day when two weeks before it, I've asked if he would like to spend the day with me and the response was that he would need to check in with him first and see if he wants to do something.

Something I would like to add was that I was pushing for him to change, rather I would say, to change back to his old self. At the start we were warm, all in love, we even got to the point of the "I love you" where we both really meant it, but the relationship took a turn and started going down hill. He, who was pushing for us to spend more and more time every day, started becoming cold, distant. He started asking me for a break, which he asked on my birthday even, saying that I'm starting to obligate him, that he doesn't feel free anymore. He was at that time also starting to work, started going on swimming so he had a lot of things already on his mind, and also he wanted the time so he can adapt and make changes (break it off with the boyfriend and try to get of some personal issues that he has - which I will explain later if anyone wants to know or if it is important). All in all, I was pushing him to change, because at one point I lost internet for almost a whole week, and after I came back was the turning point where he became colder.

In the last few weeks we were talking less and less. I would respect that he started to work, there were random events popping up with his boyfriend which I respected and gave him time on it, but overall, I started to miss him a lot, and more time I would give him, the more he would take. I was feeling a lot that I was taken for granted. He even wanted me to stop talking to him over Skype while we are playing the game together, which was actually the last argument that we had.

I broke up with him in less then two weeks ago, however I regret it, because I could feel him warm up again, and all he needed was time I think, but I would get upset, I would bite him and then lick his wounds.

On the same day when I broke up (which btw I was not intending to do and again I can't stress how much I regret it) my grandmother died on that day, I was having a cold, I slept for 3 hours from the total of 48, and to make the matters worse, I couldn't sleep, because the rest of my family was in grannies house, and someone had to stay behind at home because we had a radiator leaking and we couldn't find anyone to fix it. So on all that I had to change the water dish every 30 minutes or else we would be flooded. And on that day we had a really stupid argument and I broke up because, I did not want to live on that day.

Hour after that I begged him to take me back, I told him that it was a mistake and that I was sorry, but he wouldn't want to hear about it. I tried calling him the next day but we ended up chatting with him ignoring the issue and choosing not to talk about it, saying something in the lines of that I shouldn't expect an emotional reunion after I've broken up with him. I gave him space for two days and then on the 3rd I called him, and through tears I said everything, that I was sorry, that I will change. I came out to my friends and family about this, which I didn't do in the first hand because I was embarrassed of, however that is not the case now. I really want to meet him, I started planning my future together with him, and now I made a mistake and I can't get a chance to even fix it. He also said that he is perfectly fine with us being just friends and that he will think about if he wants us to get back together and get back to me on that.

I've asked him two days ago if he is any closer to giving me an answer and he said no, he said he will take his time but that he has been giving it a thought. That I shouldn't feel like I'm stepping on egg shells. He would poke me from time to time on facebook even. He talks to me normally so yeah.

I wanted to ask if you guys think if there is hope for us. I want to know if I was wrong or not, if he should have taken me back by now. I think about him every day, I can't stop thinking about him, last night I entered the game and I heard his voice and I immediately started crying. I don't know what to do to fix things and for him to take me back. Please help.

[pcmaster]

Sounds like you really care about whole thing. I can tell by the way you written this and your emotions in it and tears that you really care too much. You see being too sensitive isn't the key to happiness. I mean its great that you are able to feel so deep, that proves that you have a whole loving heart. But many people would say that this is only internet and not a real thing. I understand you were lonely in this particular way that you want to have boyfriend want to be happy. But this isn't very healthy because you put too much pressure on other person - your happiness now depends on one person and most people dont want this kind of responsibility. But still I fully understand you because I was once 23 too and in love too so I understand this means a world to you and you want really this to work.

Problem is that in this relationship you are the one being most needy. You see other guy have a boyfriend, job and other things that keeps him busy so this internet adventure is not so interesting for him anymore as it is to you. If you would try to keep yourself busy and social outside the game it would really help you emotionally. I mean right now you need real life friends and support and responsibilities and duties.

Also problem with these interenet relationships is that time off is actually bad for them. Without interenet you both would be just a strangers.

This video teaches about how to get over breakups easier and why its not good to be needy.

youtube.com/watch?v=K8Exlo4E5v8

[Dni]

Thank you for your honest answer. And yes, as you can see I did put a lot of pressure on him and a lot of effort. What I came to reasoning was that I can't be with a person 24/7 and so I started to adapt and change. I started running, dedicated a lot of my time to house work, I learned how to cook, started hanging out with friends that I left behind because I wanted to be with him.

All I want to know is if there is something to hope for, I would really want to try again, this time to take things slower, with more room. I've quit the game we both played just so that we would spend less time together, I stopped bothering him during work, he isn't staying up late, neither am I. I know you say that I based my whole happiness on one person, but I do not have a lot to be happy with in life, and this is why he means the world to me.

Also I wanted to face him, and I wanted his answer on the whole situation. When I wanted us to part because he was not interested he would convince me that I'm wrong about it, and that he wants me to stay.

I just want to know, are there ways to fix these things? Is it fair that he didn't even give it a consideration after I made a mistake or not? I know it ain't the end of the world, but I'm not the type of person that gives up easily on things.

[pcmaster]

I had a feeling that you want this to work but the way I see its just too unreal to ever work. Because of distance.

Don't think you can do something to fix things because its screwed and theres no way to turn back time. Relationship just have ran its course. I mean back in the day you both spend a lot of time together and that was fun it was great you both had time and the same mindset. But now things have changed and its not something you have done if not this breakup thing then it would be something else.

Eventually it goes full cirlce like all relationships do. Maybe you can stay friends for a while but its not gona be like it was again. Thing you just have to accept that its over.

[Dni]

These are some helpful words, thank you very much. As I understand though, the cycle ends, but at the same time, another one can begin at a later point, right?
But thanks to you, now I understand some things and I can move on. I was preparing him a gift, that I wanted to be perfect.

Somehow however, I can't but not feel that I was lured into the relationship by him. At the start he was all over me while I was a bit distant, but then I pulled my walls down and at the end he pulled his up.

[pcmaster]

Yes end is always start of something new. Love is out there and new journey is waiting for you. Maybe even this time there wont be distance and you both will be from same town.

[Dni]

I will remain hopeful as well and try to keep contact with him. Because he is someone who I truly love, and I would wish from time to time to hear if he is happy in life, because everything I did want in the end was for him to be happy.

[woody]

Well no matter where this goes, sounds like you found a connection. I hope it all works out the way you'd like it to. It'd be great if you two could actually see each other and spend time.

Here's hoping you'll actually see him some day...
best wishes

[Dni]

I want to remain hopeful, I just wanted to know if there are people who think that there is a chance for all this to work out. I already know it would be hard.

[Dni]

I just honestly don't believe in one thing. That this ran it's course. I've seen where I was wrong, and I learned from it, grew from it to be a better person. The distance for me isn't that big of an issue since I'm planning on moving to Canada anyways in a year, maybe less. I'm in love with this person, I think about him every day when I wake up and he is the last person I think before I go to sleep. I felt love like this before once, and it was for a person I was not able to be with, and I'm not ready to let go and lose him, so please, instead of telling me that it ran it's course, believe in what I believe and show me support, if that is what you do here. I just refuse to give up on something that brought me so much joy in this world, I refuse to let go of someone who made me want to become a better person and live this life more and fully.

I want to know what I need to do in this particular situation, because I broke up things, but in my defence, I had a really bad day and the result of it was this. I wanna know what I need to do here to make someone fall in love with me again.

He is still keeping contact with me at least once or twice a day, last time we spoke he gave me a bit of hope as he said that he was thinking about it but that he isn't really close to an answer.

My ideal plan is to say everything to him, as well as give him a personal present that I made (3 drawings of us, and how we would look like together in real life when we finally meet each other).

Please give me any helpful tips.