Husband prefers pornography to intercourse

[ThatZombieQueen]

I've tried posting my question numerous times and it doesn't seem to get posted, or if it has I cannot find it. I was really hoping to get some advice, but I have already typed this big long thing so many times that instead I am posting this plea: if you see this, message me and I will type it all out.
Really just thinking that it was a stupid idea to think it could be simple to post a question and get a response. I might as well just go on fb and talk to one of my friends, right? Just take their bias opinion on the matter and let that be that? Because I don't seem to be getting anywhere with this site at all. But its already wasted so much of my time today I figured I'd give it one more shot.

Is anyone alive out there?

[dontaskme]

I read your thread. Go ahead, what is your problem?

[Wakeup]

Husband prefers pornography to sex

Are you actually meaning he prefers to jerk off rather then have sex?

The pornography is just a visual to get him aroused enough to be able to jerk off.

[rrelf]

There are several questions that have to be answered about your relationship such as How often do you have sex with your husband? Is the sexual experience exciting or have the both of you lost a connection with each other when it comes to sex?

Pornography may be giving your husband excitement with graphics and he may be getting used to this cycle. Masturbation is rough and could be changing your husband's penis which will makes normal sex feel differently. My suggestion would be to try your best to eliminate pornography in your household for a week or 2 to break his cycle with exciting sexual intercourse.

Think of ways to excite your husband more than pornography-- role playing in sexy lingerie, offering to do naughty things to him when you get home from work, sexting during the day. All of these things play a part in the overall excitement and build up of sexual intercourse. Play with him and tease him so that he can start to break his habit. Do things differently at home for the week to change the usual cycle around the house.

Always show a passion for sex and if you're doing all of these things already then he may have another issue. Just know that you're beautiful inside and out and your husband needs to realize this instead of resorting to pornography.

[ThatZombieQueen]

My apologies for the delay in my response...
My problem, in a nutshell is this: My husband will turn me down for sex but then watch porn and masturbate when I am asleep (sometimes in the same room) or when I leave the house.

Some things to consider:
-I am in my late twenties, he is in his early thirties. We have been married for 2 years.
-We used to have sex a few times a week, and now it is once (sometimes twice) every two weeks. I am very willing and adventurous in the bedroom.
-I do not have a problem with porn. I think masturbation is healthy--however, I do not think it is something that should be done when your partner is home and/or plenty willing.
-He has had issues in the past with sexting a coworker and trying to get her to come over when I was gone for a few days. When I found out he cried and apologized and swore it would never happen again because he loves me and never wants to make me hurt like that. However, to this day if he brings her up in conversation I am not permitted to say the slightest ill word against her or it causes a fight.
-He has searched out sites like the ones that advertise discreet adultery, but never actually signed up for one until last month. He searched out a sexting site, signed up, and searched for younger girls in our area. When I asked him about it he said that he did it on impulse and that he was just curious to see if there were any good looking girls locally. But that he had no intention of actually contacting any of them.
-I have searched for solutions to this problem and tried the suggestions (new toys, new lingerie, paying more attention to him in and out of the bedroom, letting him come to me, etc.)
-He always tells me how beautiful he thinks I am and how much he loves me.

[ThatZombieQueen]

My apologies for the delay in my response...
My problem, in a nutshell is this: My husband will turn me down for sex but then watch porn and masturbate when I am asleep (sometimes in the same room) or when I leave the house.

Some things to consider:
-I am in my late twenties, he is in his early thirties. We have been married for 2 years.
-We used to have sex a few times a week, and now it is once (sometimes twice) every two weeks. I am very willing and adventurous in the bedroom.
-I do not have a problem with porn. I think masturbation is healthy--however, I do not think it is something that should be done when your partner is home and/or plenty willing.
-He has had issues in the past with sexting a coworker and trying to get her to come over when I was gone for a few days. When I found out he cried and apologized and swore it would never happen again because he loves me and never wants to make me hurt like that. However, to this day if he brings her up in conversation I am not permitted to say the slightest ill word against her or it causes a fight.
-He has searched out sites like the ones that advertise discreet adultery, but never actually signed up for one until last month. He searched out a sexting site, signed up, and searched for younger girls in our area. When I asked him about it he said that he did it on impulse and that he was just curious to see if there were any good looking girls locally. But that he had no intention of actually contacting any of them.
-I have searched for solutions to this problem and tried the suggestions (new toys, new lingerie, paying more attention to him in and out of the bedroom, letting him come to me, etc.)
-He always tells me how beautiful he thinks I am and how much he loves me.

[ThatZombieQueen]

My apologies for the delay in my response...
My problem, in a nutshell is this: My husband will turn me down for sex but then watch porn and masturbate when I am asleep (sometimes in the same room) or when I leave the house.

Some things to consider:
-I am in my late twenties, he is in his early thirties. We have been married for 2 years.
-We used to have sex a few times a week, and now it is once (sometimes twice) every two weeks. I am very willing and adventurous in the bedroom.
-I do not have a problem with porn. I think masturbation is healthy--however, I do not think it is something that should be done when your partner is home and/or plenty willing.
-He has had issues in the past with sexting a coworker and trying to get her to come over when I was gone for a few days. When I found out he cried and apologized and swore it would never happen again because he loves me and never wants to make me hurt like that. However, to this day if he brings her up in conversation I am not permitted to say the slightest ill word against her or it causes a fight.
-He has searched out sites like the ones that advertise discreet adultery, but never actually signed up for one until last month. He searched out a sexting site, signed up, and searched for younger girls in our area. When I asked him about it he said that he did it on impulse and that he was just curious to see if there were any good looking girls locally. But that he had no intention of actually contacting any of them.
-I have searched for solutions to this problem and tried the suggestions (new toys, new lingerie, paying more attention to him in and out of the bedroom, letting him come to me, etc.)
-He always tells me how beautiful he thinks I am and how much he loves me.

[ThatZombieQueen]

Once again, I typed out this whole response and for some reason it will not post. I give up

[rrelf]

Zombi queen, I wrote a very long response as well that was never posted. I believe there is no one moderating the posts. It says that the post needs to be approved but they're probably just sitting in an inbox that no one has viewed.

[ThatZombieQueen]

Meaning he will turn me down for sex, but then watch porn once I am asleep (sometimes in the same room) or once I have left the house. This will happen a few times a week, but we only have sex once or twice in a two week period. We have both always been very sexual and adventurous in the bedroom. I am summing this up for fear that it will not post so if you have any questions please ask

[ThatZombieQueen]

What I mean is that my husband will turn me down for sex and then watch porn and such when I go to sleep (sometimes when I am in the same room), or when I leave the house. This happens a few times a week, but we have sex once or twice every two weeks. He has also joined a site to meet younger women in our area. I am 29, he is 31. I am trying to keep this short as I fear that it will not post. Any questions ask away

[woody]

Alive and kicking here. I'll go off your title and speculate. Your man is going a little o.t.t on the Porn and while you don't mind some porn, you have needs as well and it's gone from thinking, "okay, a little masturbation on his part is healthy, I don't mind, to, uh, holy F___, is my hubby sick or what?". idk, could it be something like that?

If you've already spoken to him about your needs and rights to no avail and he continues to jerk off without involving you, leaving you to feel like an old worn out boot that sits alone in the corner wondering about the feet you used to know, well, short of therapy or a cosmic slap to the face, I really do not know. Perhaps a little attention thrown your way from others may wake your hubby up to the fact that he's got a gorgeous Goddess right there in front of him, real n all. I'm not saying go flirt with other men; but sometimes a man needs to remember just how lucky he is and often this realization comes when other men give a few second looks to their lady.... It's like a big cosmic slap in the face that leads down and wakes up mr. happy.

I don't know. But i'm sorry your lacking the loving. Hope your man smartens up...

kind regards
woody=trees

[ThatZombieQueen]

Actually, that is a pretty accurate guess. I really don't feel like my needs are being met. And it hurts when he turns me down and then takes care of himself as soon as I go to sleep, or once I have left the house. If I am really as desirable as he says I am, then why doesn't he want to be with me?

- - - Updated - - -

Sorry, but I am going to start posting my responses in pieces since the big ones wont post. The other problem is that I have caught him sexting a coworker in the past and signing up for those sites to meet people discreetly in your area. He says he was just curious and wanted to see if there was any good looking women around here and that he didn't intend on actually talking to anyone. So I think he is bored,

[Wakeup]

Leave him then or before you go, see if he's interested enough in being with you to try marriage counselling. If he turns you down for that as well then you're with a chronic wanker who is lazy and unmotivated to be working at it with a woman... not just you but any woman.

Might as well put an Scarlet Letter on your bodice right now if you're going to indulge in trying to make him jealous.

[ThatZombieQueen]

I am very willing and experimental in the bedroom. Recently, after researching our problem, I tried new toys and lingerie, being more attentive in and out of the bedroom, talking to him (he just says what I wanna hear, or denies), letting him come to me, etc. And it doesn't seem to help. I feel like the only reason we have sex anymore (once, maybe twice, in a two week span) is because he knows how much it bothers me. So lately I just feel empty afterwards. I don't want to leave him, but I cant shake this feeling that at 29 years old my sex life is over.

- - - Updated - - -

I don't think I could make him jealous if I tried. He knows I get hit on almost every day and I don't think it bothers him a bit. I'm not saying I am some beautiful catch, but I love him and I thought he thought I was. Now I don't know,