How to date or cope with a busy man?

[321654]

I am in a relationship with a really busy guy who is stressed out with work. We have been together for 8 months so far. (I am 31 and he is 42.)

Since January of this year (he took on more responsibility at work), I have been seeing him less and less. Before it was twice a week, now its once a week, only on the weekends (I started sleeping over on Saturday nights). I rarely hear from him. I often have to call or text first, even though I call/text, many times he wouldn't pick up, and doesn't respond to my texts at all, or he would reply much later. Or sometimes I call, he doesn't pick up then text me to say that he had a rough day and not in the mood to talk. I have expressed my desire of better communications with him before, he doesn't agree we are lacking in that area, and it remains unchanged.

It has cross my mind that perhaps he might be cheating on me. However, when I spend time with him on the weekend, he is perfect. I felt in my heart that he couldn't be cheating, and that it must be work stress causing him to be barely there. He is seriously too busy to cheat!

On Friday night, when I spoke to him on the phone, he communicated that he felt behind at work and need to go into his office on Sunday so I can't sleep over this Saturday. He will come up to my area to have dinner with me, drop me home and call it an early night. While on the phone, I agreed, but after I hung up, I thought of an alternative and text it to him. I thought it would be easier on him if we have a quite night in, order delivery, go to bed early, wake up early, have breakfast, I go home while he goes to the office. No reply the rest of Friday night. Its Saturday afternoon now, I called at noon, there was no answer, he texted back at 1:30pm only to say he will pick me up at 6. I texted back to ask about the plan of a quiet night in with delivery, no reply.

I am trying hard to control my feelings, stepping back to see the bigger picture, helping him out where he needs, such as space to work without anymore added pressure from me. A man feels defined by his career so I don't want to ever come between a man and his career. I love him, I want to do whats right for the relationship, however at the same time, I want to stay true to myself and my needs of a more attentive and affectionate boyfriend. I don't want to break up with him, I want to know how I can achieve a compromise/balance with him.

[basilandthyme]

Men feel defined by their career?? Wow, that is some seriously incorrect stereotyping you've got going on there. My husband is passionate about work/life balance. Don't make the mistake of thinking that all men are alike - it will leave you accepting second best.

Anyway, to achieve compromise and balance with your partner, he has to be open to the idea. However, it sounds to me like he's already giving you all he's willing to do. I suggest you have a talk with him and tell him that the current dynamic isn't working for you. He'll either look for compromise with you or tell you that he's doing the best he can and won't be able to change things.

If the latter is the outcome, you will have to decide if you are willing to continue with no change.