Boyfriend disturbing online behaviour - he says is not cheating

[smcinnis]

Boyfriend disturbing online cheating behaviour - he says is not cheating
I am in a serious relationship, we have talked about getting married soon. I trusted him until several incidents happened, all related to his online activities:

1) He told me he is not in touch with his ex girlfriend but that sometimes receives an email from her just to say hi. However, I discovered by accident that he had been texting his ex girlfriend who lives out of town. I found messages from her calling him "my love", "I miss you",demanding "why didn't you text me on friday", etc. They texted almost daily several times a day. I did not find any compromising words on his part but he allowed her to call him with love words. Not the kind of language you would expect from an ex. When I confronted him he wrote an email to her asking her not to contact him anymore.

2) I found he had contacted a woman in a dating site asking to meet her. She never replied but the intent to chat with another woman was there. He said he did not remember and after I pressed he said it was nothing serious.

3) He visited people in facebook, spent hours looking at pictures of attractive woman, hundreds. He messaged some and sent a picture of himself in his bed with his shirt off. He does not invite these woman as his friends and then deletes all his chats and search history so that he is not caught. He says chatting with woman is not cheating because any "virtual" fantasy does not count like cheating because is not real sex.

4) I found pictures of his private parts in his phone, he said he took the pics but never sent them to anyone. I don't believe him. I believe he is having "online" sex with strangers.

5) He talks to his ex frequently because they have a kid but I found recent phone calls that lasted 2 hours and another one 1.45 hrs and text messages where he tells her about his problems, work, etc. This 2 hours call happened after he had promised to break the emotional link she still holds on him. He promised to only talk to her about their child and stop using her as her confident. It has created issues because I feel when he has a problem he mentions the issue to me briefly but with her he talks for hours.

6) We had planned a trip together but I found messages where he tells a friends that he wants to travel to visit his friends alone without me being present because that way he feels more relaxed. This was in the same month he had promised to travel with me, he was making plans behind my back.

7) He is constantly living in the past, obsessing about past relationships and talking about past details and stories. On Valentine day when we are supposed to spend quality time, he started speaking about a 20 year old relationship and I had to stop him to remind him that the past is over and we should focus on the present. His obsession with talking about the past is such that I have suggested therapy but he refuses to think about it.

I am very disappointed and hurt by his behavior and READY to end the relationship. I would never marry a men like him. He has no morals or values and obviously he has no concept of a committed relationship.
He promises to never again do the above things again but I do not trust him at all. I am a software developers so I have software agents monitoring all his online activity and now that he knows he is being watched he has stopped or maybe he is more careful.
I asked how would he feel if I did the same things chat with man and send provocative pictures with almost no clothes and he admitted he wouldn't like it.
HELP! Should I dump him or wait and see if he really starts respecting the relationship?

[basilandthyme]

The whole point of dating is to find someone who's compatible with us.....not waste time hoping that Mr Cheater turns into Mr Right. This guy seems like an epic loser and totally unsuitable as marriage material. Not to mention that he can't even give you a decent shag.

I hope you've been having protected sex. If not, get an STI test pronto.

[TablesandChairs]

I would have dumped him already.

All signs point to: get the hell out. He won't be changing, he'll just get smarter about how he goes about his business. You don't ask for someone to respect the relationship and it's not something you wait around for - they either do or don't.

[woody]

RUN!!! If it walks like, talks like, sounds like, shoot it....

[BusyBee]

I have a similar situation saying that he was looking up adverts for body to body naked massages
I mean if you have one than one clue about it and it's not a coincidence then stop it right now.

[bcgirl]

There are so many red flags!! Listen to those red flags and run. Don't do something you will deeply regret like marry him. He is selfish and has no respect for you.

You can not change him and he will never change for you. That's a lesson you must know.

The trust is already broken, you don't want to live your life with him constantly thinking if he's going to cheat on you with a slut he met on Facebook.