Help Wanted Please

[gflam]

My ex broke up with me a little after Valentines Day after being together close to 3 years and being close friends before that for another 2 years. We met our freshman year of college and instantly became very close. By our Junior year of college we were dating and soon living together and things were great. After graduating she moved back home with her parents and I went on to law school and there was 4 hours distance now between us.

Things were fine my first semester of law school, we didn't get to see each other a ton (about every other weekend) but when we did times were great. We spent New Years together and had a blast. After that we had numerous visits but didn't really do a ton together other than lay in bed and hang out or go to the occasional bar. I went down to visit her for Valentines Day and things suddenly felt different. We still went on a couple dates and movies during that weekend but things were just off. About a week later I got a text from her saying we needed to talk. She told me that she thought I didn't treat her how she felt she should be treated and that she couldn't take the distance. Now I'll admit I made asshole comments from time to time but I would have killed for her and she knew that. I never cheated on her or betrayed her in any way, I just made comments occasionally usually having to do with other girls. Our relationship also became largely about sex since I was coming from the high stress environment of law school and just needed a release.

At first she just wanted a "break" with no contact for a week. After that week she said things hadn't changed and she felt the same and just needed some "space." I did my best to give her space but in the end ended up fighting like hell for her. I wrote her a hand written letter in which I reminisced about all of our great times and sent her flowers. Eventually I found out she met someone at work and has been hanging out with them a lot. I also found out through Facebook that they apparently are now sleeping together as well which kills me because she moved on to him within days. We spoke so much of marriage and a future after I was finished law school and all of a sudden she seems to not even care about what we were. She said she'd sit down and talk to me this summer face to face (2 months from now) but I just feel like by that time she'll have completely moved on.

I have also sent her a second letter in which I really opened up about my family life growing up (wasn't great and my parents are divorced) and really figuring out why I would say such asshole comments from time to time. It was really good therapy for me and I had never opened up that much before. She should be receiving that letter Thursday.

I've written an email now which I really don't want to send her but I feel I will have to after she most likely negatively responds to my second letter. In the email I talk about two memories one of which is how I helped her get through her cousins suicide, the other had to do with our future after I finished law school. The letter though ends with the following
I feel I’ve really shown how much I loved and cared about you and you’ve definitely shown how much you loved and cared about me. You’re a very ugly person and in the end your true colors have shown. I have no mean words to say to you because I’ve become completely indifferent to you. I don’t know who you are anymore and you mean absolutely nothing to me now.

What sucks though is she still means everything to me even though she's seemingly moved on so quickly.

I could really use someones reply please

[basilandthyme]

Liar liar pants on fire. All this rubbish about her meaning nothing to you now! If you're trying to remind her that you're an ass and not regret leaving you, you're going about it the right way.

I'm sorry this relationship didn't work out. But very few relationships do work - and this is why it's so special when we find the one. Lashing out at her and being deliberately hurtful serves no good for anyone. It just makes you look like a twat.

It's good to write the letter and get your feelings out. Now, BURN IT. Then start to recover, learn from your experiences and find a wonderful new girl.

[jenniferaniston]

Remember, if she couldn't handle you at your worst, she doesn't deserve you at your best! Time heals all wounds, as the saying goes, but time well-spent heals them more quickly. Take whatever time you need to mull over your feelings and sort them out, but don't get into the habit of wallowing in them. Push yourself to move on to more constructive behaviors whenever you're able.

[url=http://goo.gl/mOhW0s]Relationship Advice - Trivedi Effect - YouTube[/url]

[gflam]

Liar liar pants on fire. All this rubbish about her meaning nothing to you now! If you're trying to remind her that you're an ass and not regret leaving you, you're going about it the right way.

I'm sorry this relationship didn't work out. But very few relationships do work - and this is why it's so special when we find the one. Lashing out at her and being deliberately hurtful serves no good for anyone. It just makes you look like a twat.

It's good to write the letter and get your feelings out. Now, BURN IT. Then start to recover, learn from your experiences and find a wonderful new girl.

You're right I really don't want to hurt her, I just want her to think I don't care because I've shown how much I care lately and its only pushed her away so I'm hoping that showing that I don't care will bring her back. Like I said in my last sentence she still means everything to me. I will revise my letter to be less mean and hurtful even though she's hurt me so much.

I basically told her in the letter that I didn't think it was right for her to have left me after we've been together for so long and been through so much. I hope this is just a rebound because she literally moved on within days. I told her in the letter it was best we disconnect for a while.

I have also been spending time with a girl here at law school a lot, she understands what I just went through and we've gotten pretty close, but I've made it clear to her I'm not looking for anything right now and I honestly don't have much interest in dating her at the moment because I'm emotionally not ready. I hope to use the new girl to my advantage though in winning back the love of my life. I've read a lot on jealously lately and how to subtlety use it because I understand being blatant will be obvious and continue to push her away.

I'm going hiking and to see a waterfall this weekend with the new girl and I play a lot of basketball with my guy friends here at law school so I've been doing my best lately to invoke no contact with her but it's just so damn difficult

[basilandthyme]

I hope to use the new girl to my advantage though in winning back the love of my life. I've read a lot on jealously lately and how to subtlety use it because I understand being blatant will be obvious and continue to push her away.

Mate, I know you're hurting but this is so out of line. You're wanting to use (and most likely hurt!) another girl so that you can manipulate your ex into returning. Are you really so desperate that you'd want a girl who needs to be manipulated into being with you? Shouldn't you be aiming for a girl who chooses to be with you?

I'm glad you took the last paragraph from your letter - but if you really want her to think that you're over her, then don't send anything. Just drop off her radar. Thing is, sending a letter *shows* that you are still thinking of her.

In your first post, you talked about having made asshole comments and that this was part of the reason things ended. I have to be honest and say that from where I'm sitting, you haven't yet moved on from the whole asshole thing. Whether it be wanting to say mean things to your ex, manipulating her into returning or using a new friend who probably really likes you - you need to address your own behaviour. At present, you're hardly in a position to be judging the behaviour of others.

- - - Updated - - -

And make sure to delete your ex from your social media!!! A simple *unfriend* with no explanation is what you need to do

[gflam]

Mate, I know you're hurting but this is so out of line. You're wanting to use (and most likely hurt!) another girl so that you can manipulate your ex into returning. Are you really so desperate that you'd want a girl who needs to be manipulated into being with you? Shouldn't you be aiming for a girl who chooses to be with you?

I'm glad you took the last paragraph from your letter - but if you really want her to think that you're over her, then don't send anything. Just drop off her radar. Thing is, sending a letter *shows* that you are still thinking of her.

In your first post, you talked about having made asshole comments and that this was part of the reason things ended. I have to be honest and say that from where I'm sitting, you haven't yet moved on from the whole asshole thing. Whether it be wanting to say mean things to your ex, manipulating her into returning or using a new friend who probably really likes you - you need to address your own behaviour. At present, you're hardly in a position to be judging the behaviour of others.

- - - Updated - - -

And make sure to delete your ex from your social media!!! A simple *unfriend* with no explanation is what you need to do

I told the girl (new friend) from the start I wasn't looking for anything with her, I've slept with her twice right after my break up but again before each time made it clear we weren't going to go any where. She said she was just looking for a stress relief from Law School and has become a hedonist. She's actually been trying to set up a 3 some for me but I'm really not interested in sleeping with anyone but my ex. I only slept with the new girl twice because I was really hurting after the break up but I felt terrible about it. Since then me and the girl just hang out a lot. Her and I are going to a waterfall this weekend and I was just going to post a picture with the girl just us standing next to each other not doing anything like kissing or whatever. The new girl and I don't kiss or anything a couple would do but she often wants to have sex with me and I've turned her down every time minus the two times in the beginning. I'm really not looking to manipulate her and I'm keeping my distance from her as to not hurt her. I just thought posting a picture online standing next to her would make my ex a bit jealous as she's never met this girl before and doesn't know her.

My letter to my ex now essentially says that I've forgiven and forgotten everything she's done to hurt me and I wish nothing but the best for her. I mention two great memories from our past in the beginning but other than that, I just express that she really hurt me but I think it's best we disconnect for a while. There are no mean words or anything in the letter, I'm just expressing that for now I need to enjoy life.

I have unfriended my ex from facebook and unfollowed her on Twitter, and Instagram. I'm still friends with her on snapchat but that is all. She follows me on Twitter and Instagram still though. Since our break up I've only posted a picture of myself after getting a haircut just as a subtle way for her to see my face again since we have some miles between us.

My ex also during our last conversation told me that she would sit down with me face to face this summer to see how things are but said she wouldn't promise that she wouldn't have moved on by then. It's just hard to trust that she won't move on and give her space. I obviously want to smother her especially because I know she's seeing a guy right now, which as I said she started seeing literally just a few days after the break up so I suspect he's just a rebound and a way for her to deal with her feelings as we were major parts of each others lives for the past 5 years. I haven't talked to her in almost a week now though.

- - - Update - - -

Would you mind private messaging me as the forum doesn't allow me to as I don't have enough posts here and I don't want to go and spam the forum in order to be able to pm you. I was just wondering if you'd read my letter for me since I want to make sure it's not mean. I really don't think it is but I'd like an objective point of view since everyone around me is obviously biased. I'd be happy to PayPal you some money as well as I'm very appreciative of your replies. It's really helping me a lot to have an objective point of view so that my emotions don't get in the way and I don't act irrationally.

[Wakeup]

I’ve become completely indifferent to you.

I don't think you even know what the word "indifferent" means. You certainly don't send letters to people telling them you're indifferent if you actually are.

You wouldn't be bothered. lol

You're full of sour grapes. That sucks. Hopefully in time you'll actually be at the stage of indifference and it will sit far better with you if you haven't been acting an ass when you finally DO arrive there.