Advice needed

[WhoKnew]

Hi guys,
Hoping you can help me with this one.

I've recently come back from a year of travelling so this 'story' has 2 parts to it.

Before I left I worked with a guy who was married, however he was incredibly flirty, things like always hugging me, and kissing me when he greeted me (just the head or cheek), telling me how good I look, making comments all the time about how I mess with his head and mentioning what he would like to do with me.

Anyways, he was married and I went travelling for a year, granted I still thought about him more than I should, which is stupid as nothing ever happened.

However, I've just come back and have returned to work on an irregular basis to find that he has (6 weeks ago) separated from his wife. Granted he seems pretty upset about it from what I can gather as he mentioned missing his kids and how she just came out and told him she didn't love him anymore. I still however really like him and don't know where I stand or what to do next.

I stupidly made the mistake of messaging him the other evening telling him I hoped he had a nice night, random, made no sense and something I can pass off as not meant for him (when he sees it) but I'm mortified now as I feel he's gonna know why it ended up with him.

I'm not sure I want to put myself in the position of him knowing I like him and secondly I'm concerned that he has said all the previous stuff because he was unavailable, though he has said a couple of wee things but nothing on par with previously.

I guess I just want a guys take on all this. I'm not sure what I'm asking exactly. Maybe should I let him know? Do guys tell girls they find them attractive if they don't? How soon is too soon?

[woody]

Too soon. Way too soon. Leave it alone, let the man heal and grieve. If you really like the bloke and use to feel a connection (though I must say, being open to receiving kisses, albeit forehead kisses from a married man may bite you on the ass one day) but i'm not here to judge. Maybe his marriage wasn't good, maybe it just needed some work, who the flip knows.)
Anyway, don't tell him how you feel. Too soon. Let the man be and just do your own thing. Never wise to mess with a marriage. Six weeks isn't long to be separated. If you come onto him, he may see you as a threat or lose respect, especially since he once flirted with you back in the day. Then there's the whole rebound thing.
Anyway, tricky situation you got yourself into there lady. Tread carefully. You wouldn't want some irate woman showing up at your work calling you a home wrecker. guard your heart.

[WhoKnew]

Thanks for the advice, Woody. I know, it's a crap situation, and I know I shouldn't even be looking at him given that he's married. Trust me I know and hate myself for it, sadly I can't turn it off. A year away and for me there's still something there.

If anyone has anything else they wish to add, feel free

[eve.ashley]

i also agree with woody, and not to judge myself, i will simply say, messy situation. very messy. let him sort his mess out and if there was anything there, there will be better timed to explore it...

[Wakeup]

Since you already took the route to instant gratification by texting him, you've very likely given him the idea that you're available to help fill a void.

Sadly, I'm thinking that it will all end badly for you (if it stokes up into a roaring fire) since not only is the man still not severed the relationship and may very well get back with the wife, have ex sex with the wife for some time but he'll also be rebounding.

Tread carefully.

[woody]

Yup, sorry your hearts panging hard over him; one year huh? and still the pangs? ouch.
Hey, go grab a bottle of merlot, run a bath, turn up the volume and stew for awhile because this may be bumpy road woman.

good luck

[IndiReloaded]

Since you already took the route to instant gratification by texting him, you've very likely given him the idea that you're available to help fill a void.

Truth, but you can't unring a bell.

Back away from the *still married man*, OP. You just never know. If it ends badly, noone will be applauding you for breaking your own heart.

[WhoKnew]

Thanks for all the input guys. I definitely appreciate it, any suggestions on how I can get out of the message? I sent it via fbook which he doesn't use often so there's a chance it could be months before he sees it but if he sees it before then is it feasible to say it wasn't meant for him? My stomach literally churns over the fact I did it, too much wine, and now I'm beyond embarrassed.

[woody]

So this message. It uh, wasn't just a simple "hey man, how's it hanging?" Nope, sounds a little more detailed? Heart out there extended type thing? Yeeshah.
Dang woman. Feeling for you.

Not much you can do but let it go. Hey, it's alright. It was a message and only in slight crimson.

[WhoKnew]

When I think about it rationally the message wasn't that bad, it's just a bit random and made no sense why I would send it to him, other than hitting the wrong name. It was 'hey babe, hope you had a great night x' Makes no sense as I've NO idea what he was upto that night as he's on holiday. I just feel it looks painfully, desperately obvious ...I'm just wondering is there a reasonable way to explain it away? Just play dumb and say it wasn't meant for him? I was drunk at the time so I'm definitely appreciative that I could've effed up even more than I already have but it still makes me cringe.

[Boisdevie]

Excellent move from the OP. Despite knowing deep down that it was a stupid thing to do you go ahead and texted him anyway. I'd explain it away - just tell him you're really stupid and want what you know you can't really have - bit like a spoilt child. Or a woman with an excellent sense of entitlement.

Leave the poor guy alone. And buy yourself a vibrator.

[woody]

No biggy on the message; but as I mentioned in my first response to your post, ya just have to leave this one alone.

it'll be easier than you think.
regards

[WhoKnew]

I do, I know I do. I think weirdly enough it takes the clarification of strangers and some willpower on my part. He wb to the msg today (such is my luck that he actually checked fbook) and said he was having a great time on hol. I simply said the last msg wasn't for him but glad he was having a good time. The end

[IndiReloaded]

It seems like he didn't answer? If so, let it go. No need to do anything if he didn't respond. People drop message threads all the time. Never happened.

- - - Updated - - -

Since you already took the route to instant gratification by texting him, you've very likely given him the idea that you're available to help fill a void.

When it was a guy hanging around an unhappy married woman, Giga would call this Standard Vulture Position.

Applies to women too, I guess. Whoknew.... just don't go there. You'll only end up shredded.

[WhoKnew]

He won't answer the last message. There was literally nothing he could say to it. I ended it that way purposely. Gonna take a step back. I Feel stupid.