Boyfriend contacted his ex after we had a fight. Advice?

[Amzy]

Me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for a year now.

Last week we were arguing pretty badly and I almost didn't come down to see him this month as planned. We decided to work it out and now here I am. Today he's been in work while I've been at home. He asked me to check his e-mail a few hours ago as he recieved one but his phone wasn't working. I did and I accidently clicked on his sent messages, there was one addressed to his Ex girlfriend (just a few days ago, the night before I was due to come see him) despite the horrible feeling I had I clicked it and it read "Still alive? Me too". - she hasn't replied yet.

This particular ex he hasn't been involved with for 3 whole years and I can't fathom why he would suddenly contact her out of the blue? It stings, especially seeing as we were on really bad terms when he did. I'm honestly really hurt by all this. I know for myself I don't keep contact with any of my ex's and they have no understandable ties to one another - no kids, no house etc. Could it be he still holds a torch for her?

I'm sat here feeling a bit lost and whether to confront him about it, as I know in a way I've snooped too. Has anyone been through something similar or have any advice for me? It would be really appreciated

[Wakeup]

You've been long distance for a year. Any light at the end of that tunnel? Will the long distance be eliminated anytime soon?

You've been arguing. Why?

I'll also ask; Why wouldn't you talk to him about it? So you snooped. What's worse being accused of that or continuing on in a relationship where you're arguing, long distance and riddled with angst wondering what/who he's up to while you're not there?

[eve.ashley]

it seems pretty harmless.

the email. it shows he hasn't been in regular contact with her, and, for some reason, wanted to know how she was doing.

i have ex bf of all sorts...some of them i'd maybe sleep with again, some of them i have feelings for but would never sleep with again, some i hate....


honestly, did you consider this could be your wake up call, to fight less and love more...

we do not own our partner or their feelings, you hit a rough patch and he tried to get, in, so far harmless, contact with an old gf, that he might or might not have romantic feelings for...

it happens...

i also have old bfs i absolutely could be friends with, no romantic feelings for them.

the email was not sexual, romantic or nostalgic.

maybe he even wanted to ask advice about you guys and your fighting...

the fact that he asked you to go through his email shows he has nothing to hide.

if you want, you can ask your bf about the email, and say the truth, you accidentally found it.

but!

darling, don't be angry and accusing him of stuff when you do it.

that is not how you nurture a relationship...be brave and tell him the truth...

say, you are worried, since things haven't exactly been ok between you guys, and you found this email.

you also should be ready that he says she is an ex he feels he can be in contact with, coz there is not romantic feelings on either side...not all exes are the same...

honey, you do not own this person, he is not your robot, hear him out and tell him you are afraid of losing him...

don't be angry and hurt at, seemingly, harmless things, communicate and voice your concerns...

[Amzy]

You've been long distance for a year. Any light at the end of that tunnel? Will the long distance be eliminated anytime soon?

You've been arguing. Why?

I'll also ask; Why wouldn't you talk to him about it? So you snooped. What's worse being accused of that or continuing on in a relationship where you're arguing, long distance and riddled with angst wondering what/who he's up to while you're not there?

We've recently been discussing moving in together - him here, (which funnily enough is also where his ex-girlfriend is from). We're starting to save this summer. I'm moving into a houseshare next month for a while so I can.

Our argument - well, family - my family. Early on in our relationship my Mother tried to interfere a lot with it, we fell out for 6 months (Her and I) and while the details remain private she refuses to apologise to him for something she did. I had managed to agree to get them to talk about it and was happy with my partner and my Mother possibly finally getting on, but my Mother turned heel and decided she'd rather not make up.

I'm going to wait until he's home today, and discuss it with him. Thank you for your advice.

- - - Updated - - -

it seems pretty harmless.

the email. it shows he hasn't been in regular contact with her, and, for some reason, wanted to know how she was doing.

i have ex bf of all sorts...some of them i'd maybe sleep with again, some of them i have feelings for but would never sleep with again, some i hate....


honestly, did you consider this could be your wake up call, to fight less and love more...

we do not own our partner or their feelings, you hit a rough patch and he tried to get, in, so far harmless, contact with an old gf, that he might or might not have romantic feelings for...

it happens...

i also have old bfs i absolutely could be friends with, no romantic feelings for them.

the email was not sexual, romantic or nostalgic.

maybe he even wanted to ask advice about you guys and your fighting...

the fact that he asked you to go through his email shows he has nothing to hide.

if you want, you can ask your bf about the email, and say the truth, you accidentally found it.

but!

darling, don't be angry and accusing him of stuff when you do it.

that is not how you nurture a relationship...be brave and tell him the truth...

say, you are worried, since things haven't exactly been ok between you guys, and you found this email.

you also should be ready that he says she is an ex he feels he can be in contact with, coz there is not romantic feelings on either side...not all exes are the same...

honey, you do not own this person, he is not your robot, hear him out and tell him you are afraid of losing him...

don't be angry and hurt at, seemingly, harmless things, communicate and voice your concerns...

I hope it is a wake up call.

The thing that bothers me is that it's not his usual behaviour reguarding previous relationships. He's had other, more recent Ex's contact him and he's been polite with them and nothing other than a quick catch up and a good luck in the future- this hasn't bothered me in the slightest. I'm not usually one for worrying about these things. He's always said 'an ex is an ex for a reason' - so the fact he'd contact an Ex, from so long ago WHILE we were fighting Is the part that hurts me the most - and I don't think it was for 'advice', we've had fights similar in the past and he's not done so before.

It could be my own thoughts clouding my judgement, I admit. I've had my fair share of difficult relationships, dated people who have ties to their partners through joint ownerships of things be it a car, a house, children! I've been understanding with it all - it IS understandable in situations like that, but I'm failing to see why he would want/need to contact an Ex from 3 years ago while we were fighting. I guess I won't know until I ask though.

Thanks for your advice.

[Boisdevie]

If it's long distance I bet he's getting bored and less tolerant of stuff he doesn't like. Long distance is a waste of time.