I genuinely dont know what to do...

[blob123]

Here's a little background.

I'm engaged (never married) - 41
My female friend of 3 years is one year married - 31
We used to work together.
She has a child.
Age difference - 10 years (I'm senior)
I'm no marriage wrecker!!!

Friends at work notice we have a good relationship and comment on it. 'More than friends' has been used before.

Up until late last year, regular hour long calls on Friday after work, texting and some after work too... some late evening (11pm). Nothing too risqué, never sexual.. but perhaps a teeny bit weird should our respective partners catch eye of them.
There has been a time when I've picked up her child from Nursery with her!

We've had work related car journeys and spoke about something and nothing for hours.
She has confided to me RE: her relationship to her father / finding a new job and her suitability for jobs.... we help each other out with interviews and all sorts.

She texted me 4x days after her wedding last year!
Has visited me at work with totally unacceptable clothing (she was only coming to see me).

Nothing sexual has happened apart from hand touching, hugs and arms around backs... however... our eye contact would burn though newspaper.
Nothing has been said between us and I rarely instigate contact after hours... always her.

Sounds anecdotal and I dont want to bore you all with it.

She knows I have a partner.

Problem!
Yes... it's that classic case of us both 'getting' each other... kindred spirits etc... but the situation is eating me up.
I feel I'm an emotional/security blanket for her sometimes - the relationship being only on her terms. For example, this most recent chat... I'd texted a couple of days later wishing her a good weekend... I got nothing... no response... This is not atypical.

However, other times, she'll genuinely look out for me, seek out new jobs and text me late at night about what she's found.... and speak with managers on my behalf... for me to apply for etc..
However, my partner says that's a rise just to let me remember that last txt message was from her.


She is extremely attractive and I guess she has lots of other guys who she could/does replicate this behaviour. However, even though this all sounds very self deprecating, other women who I've spoken to about this say she has a genuine crush.. mini infatuation... or she's aware of my attraction to her and she uses it whenever she has a waning relationship with her spouse.

No... I'm not a 'teddy bear' / drop everything / lapdog type of guy... far from it... I'd just love your viewpoint on things as we're not friends (conventional) as we hardly physically see each other but we do share some reasonably close, intimate stuff that, to her, she 'has not told anyone else about'...

I believe we are close... I have tried and tried to refuse replying to emails/phone calls etc but I genuinely have got closer to her and its intense. Yes, I am older but I am very youthful for my age and never see myself as a father figure at all.

This has been going on for about a year and a half.

Please go easy on me. I'm a newbie and no... I'm not a marriage wrecker... I just need to understand what's going on...

Yesterday... we met as a group of 4 and she wrote on a napkin... 'call me'... and gave it to me.
aaaarrrrgggghhhh.

[Wakeup]

Yesterday... we met as a group of 4 and she wrote on a napkin... 'call me'... and gave it to me.
aaaarrrrgggghhhh.

Write back on a napkin: "No. If you want to talk about something work related then we can do so at work."

Quit feeding the beast ffs. You're acting all confused and innocent but you're crossing your own relationship boundaries and you're totally enabling her to cross her marriage boundaries or those that committed couples need to be honouring in order to keep emotional affairs at bay.

Why are you only engaged at 41 and never been married? Why are you enabling this behaviour? What is missing in you that you need to feed this infatuation that you HAVE ON HER?