Trying to save my relationship, too much stress

[Mel_19]

Hey

So my current situation isn't too good at the moment. I don't know if I want the relationship I'm in or if the stress we are going through lately is getting in the way.

Me and my partner have been together for 1 1/2 years and we have had our fair share of disagreements. Everything started out perfect, friends then best friends then more then friends then finally we got into a serious relationship. We love each other, a lot. I don't deny that but lately all these problems are happening and it feels like they are never gonna go away. He's having major work problems, which causes so much stress, which I end up having to deal with on a day to day basis. I am there for him whenever but it's starting to affect me in a bad way and we can't handle it. He's just started anti depressants. He doesn't handle the stress well and tends to put it on everyone else. I am there to listen and to look after him and to offer advice but it never seems to work and Ive pretty much given up. I end up telling him the truth which is a little harsh. I feel like he's pushing me away now because he's not hearing what he wants to hear.

We were both really jealous, we said some stupid things but we talked and talked it through and decided to make a few changes. But he never did. If he wants boy time, I'll happily wave him goodbye for the night, if he's invited to a party that's fine, I never seem to be invited but it's just not worth arguing over anymore. But when it comes to me, if I need girl time I get questioned where I'm going who I'm going with and why he was never invited. Any parties I go to, which is hobestly maybe 2 a year lol he assumes the worst and manages to upset me. We've "broken" up twice, the longest being one whole day and both times he said he would sleep with someone else to get over the pain. As much as I hated hearing it, I still went back. I chose to be the more Mature person and just say how I felt. If that's what he decides to do then that's his choice, it will only get to him later on.

I admit I am still a bit hesitant when he goes out for the night or when he just doesn't contact me, but someone gave me good advice and said he's your partner not your property. Why can't he think the same? After so much time spent together, so many memories, so many future plans including a baby in the very near future, how can we throw it all away. How do we get back on track and be happy like we once were. It's only been 1 1/2 years, this can't be healthy :'(

Thanks for any advice, I just really need it at the moment. Any help is appreciated

[telles]

Hey, it sounds like you and me are in the same boat. Iv been with my man for a little over a year and he's shy and cute and funny and amazing. But when it comes to hanging out with my friends he gets weird. We fight about it almost every time. It's getting to the point where I feel like I have to lye to him just to spend time with my friends. We have also broken up twice and iv gone back. I have honestly just over the past few days been realizing that he is controlling. I would of never thought it out of him. But as we all know controlling partners make relationships so much harder. It's not fair to you. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells to make him happy. I think we both need to get out and be happy.

[TheEvilJester]

I saw this yesterday, but didn't have a chance to respond because I wanted to take time with this one. Your story sounds very similar to mine, so I wanted to give you some advice from experience. I hope that your story isn't a mirror of mine. I hope he is at least good to you and truly cares for you. My story, unfortunately, did not have such a silver-lining. I wasted years of my life with a woman who conveniently waited until marriage to reveal how much of a low human being she was. Little by little, she discovered the truth about her which were all things for which she either concealed the truth or blatantly lied to my face.

A lot of it was similar to what you describe. She had a lot of stress going on and couldn't handle any of it. As result, she would take it out on everybody around her, most of all me. I don't know what specific things your fella is currently going through, so I cannot comment on whether they are things that would cause a reasonable human being so much stress. For my ex, they were not. She could not even handle day to day life, yet refused to truly do anything to get help..... and yet simply expected me to be okay with all of this despite how blatantly opposed it was to the person she pretended to be when we were first together.

So, I can speak from experience that it is NEVER okay for somebody to dump all of their crap on you. Don't get me wrong, as his significant other, you certainly should be there for him and do everything you can to help him through his rough times. The important distinction is you are not his punching bag. You are not his receptacle to dump all of his stress. If you try and try and try and he doesn't appreciate it, then you deserve better.

Again, I can speak from experience here. I hung in there much longer than I should have. I take my commitments seriously. I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to stand by and help her. She didn't appreciate any of it and just treated me like crap for it. I let it continue for much too long thinking we could work on things. Working on things takes effort from both sides. I approved and grew as a person and made changes, she remained the same terrible person with little or no redeeming qualities at all. It started to turn me into a guy I didn't recognize and even I didn't like. I didn't really fully realize that until I got out of the situation.

Anyway, bottom line is that you cannot let the same happen to you. It is definitely noble and right to want to "stand by your man" and help him through his rough times. At the same time, though, helping him through his rough times does not mean allowing him to drag you down into the muck with him. The idea is for you to help pull him out/him to learn to pull himself out. The idea isn't to pull you both back in so at least you can be miserable together. Take it from somebody with experience.... IF your story seems to very much parallel mine, then you are much better off alone than you are with somebody like that.

I hope that your story differs from mine in that at least he does truly care for and appreciate you. If not, I hope you story has the same happy ending mine did when I left my particular Albatross and realized that I deserve better. Good luck to you, friend.

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