Questioning her story

[heebejeebes]

I had my heart broken by someone about a month ago and have been slowly coming to terms with it. I was with a great but troubled woman for 6 months and we were very happy together, this was not my opinion but the one she showed with her emotions and one that everyone around us commented on. She moved back home with her parents a few months back so we lived about an hour apart at the end. One weekend everything was great, and the next she calls me and tells me it is over. I was completely blindsided, as was everyone who knew us as a couple.

The morning of the day she broke up with me she texts me that she was sick and could not make the date we had planned, she blamed it on something she had eaten the day before. She also called me a few hours later and didn't sound at all sick, and I know that food poisoning manifests very quickly and moves through your system fast. I was suspicious of her but did not voice it, she had never given me a reason not to trust her in the past. Later that afternoon she called me with the breakup message. As I said before she was very troubled, she had a verbally abusive father and two abusive relationships in her life before she met me. Our relationship was bringing the best out of her, I have a bit of a soft spot for broken souls and I was helping her to come to terms with her past. Obviously I was distraught and confused and broken by her actions. She told me she was not in a position to be a girlfriend and she needed to work on herself. I couldn't grasp that. By all evidence our relationship was healing her. She had commented before about how we were the only thing in her life that was really going great.

That night she sent me a text on accident that said "Its not that I do not want to see you, but I need rest" she immediately called me and told me that text was meant for a female friend of hers.

I was distraught for a week, I text her and called her and all the while she seemed cold and unemotional. Finally after hurting for a good week I told myself that enough was enough and I pushed through it. Right about the time I started feeling better she calls me and tries to lay into me. I hung up on her. She called again crying and apologizing and trying to make things right. I soothed her. The next day we started talking again and we talked about getting back together. I do not remember how we got there but I got her to a point where she admitted to me that she had cheated on me the day she broke up with me. She claims to have went to a male friend (one who had been trying to wedge himself between us while we were dating, but had she had always rebuffed him) to help her work up the courage to go through with it. Things got out of hand and they ended up having sex. She says it just kinda happened and it wasn't intentional, that the sex was bad and she had not seen him since and didn't want to again. I accepted that story at first with the condition that she cut all ties with him, but later that day I decided that I couldn't get past it and so I ended it permanently.

For the past two weeks something has been nagging at me, I cannot seem to let go because I feel like something was not right.

I began to ponder the situation and built up a different story in my mind. Obviously she lied about being sick, she was well enough to have sex, and I got her to admit that the text she accidently sent me the night of the breakup was really for the dude she was with and not her female friend. That text did not seem the type to send to someone you plan to cut all ties with. Also the fact that she broke up with me over the phone when we had a date that day still curdles my blood. Not to mention she broke up with me right after she slept with the other guy.

I tried to confront her with the fact I did not believe her story (we still wanted to remain friends) and told her to tell me the truth or do not bother to text me back. She texts me back with a counter ultimatum (she wanted to be friends but not if I could not let this go) but did not confirm or deny my allegations. I did not respond, and a few days later she blocked me on social media.

I believe that she went to see this guy with every intention of sleeping with him, then felt guilty and broke up with me afterwords as a way of preventing me from being hurt. I do not have any way of confirming my suspicions now but they still nag at me. What do you guys think? Was the cheating an accident, or did she maliciously cancel our date that day to engage in a booty call and regretted it right after, thus sparking the breakup? I know that nobody can really give me the truth except her, but I wonder what conclusions others would draw in this situation.

[basilandthyme]

Ultimatums have no place in friendship. If you can't be her friend without an ultimatum, then don't be her friend.

Besides, I think staying friends with exes is stupid. What future girlfriend will accept you being friends with a girl who once broke your heart? Think about it.

[heebejeebes]

Well the friends thing is not happening now anyway, the ultimatum was more of me trying to get the truth out of her before we went our separate ways. I have this nagging desire to know if my suspicions are fonded. I know that I cannot ever know the truth, but a consensus will help me to come up with the most plausible outcome. I don't know why I want this so bad. I will never see her again, but its just nagging me.

[lovebroken]

I don't feel cheating is ever an accident, people can choose not to cheat or cheat, it is a choice so nothing like that is by accident, imo. I'd leave her alone and find someone who respects you more then she did.

[Wakeup]

Well the friends thing is not happening now anyway, the ultimatum was more of me trying to get the truth out of her before we went our separate ways. I have this nagging desire to know if my suspicions are fonded. I know that I cannot ever know the truth, but a consensus will help me to come up with the most plausible outcome. I don't know why I want this so bad. I will never see her again, but its just nagging me.

Perhaps therapy will help you to get the closure that you NEED TO GIVE YOURSELF and to stop you from being with this White Knight Syndrome that you appear to be quite proud of. Hint: It's nothing to be proud of but rather something you should be proud that you've gotten over once you actually have.

It makes no difference when she cheated or why she did. The very fact that she did is all the closure you need in order for you to move on. Please do the work on yourself that you need to do so that you don't pick yet another bird with a broken wing to try and mend.

[fukushima123]

I have to agree with Wakeup.
This is not about vengeance but self preservation.
No matter what she was going through, you need to give yourself time to heal from what happened.
If you stay with her, you risk losing yourself because of the chance of it happening again.
People who betray you once, tend to resort to doing it again.
She will come to expect forgiveness from you rather than earning it.
You will give it because you yearn for her.
I've been through it before.
It's an unintentional but vicious cycle that feeds on our weaknesses.
This is a life lesson she must learn at some point.
It takes pain to grow and become better people.
If she needs support for her troubles, you are no longer equipped to give that.

Therapy sounds about right.
Travel.
Get out of town for a while.
Anything to take your mind off it.