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Thread: Does it sound like she likes him? He likes her?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2015

    Does it sound like she likes him? He likes her?

    First things first:
    I love my fiancé, I really, really do.
    She's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I don't want to lose her.
    But at the same time we've lived in this new (if it can even be called that anymore) city for 3 years and I want her to have friends but something about this seems off to me and I'm looking for other opinions.

    The Story: As I mentioned we moved here 3 years ago and haven't really made any real friends.
    Now, my fiancé is a teacher and there's this new sub that's been around her school since Christmas that she's mentioned a few times.

    I know in the past she's always gotten along more with guys than girls and because of that I really don't get jealous about much. The thing is that we've lived here for 3 years now and she hasn't made any friends and I feel bad for being jealous this time, as I do trust her, but for some reason weary this time.

    So, here's where we are.

    She's becoming friends with this guy at work.

    She doesn't want to get too close as she thinks "I might get jealous" and she says she "doesn't want him or me to get the wrong idea." She says she makes it a point to mention me when chatting to this guy, who she reassures me, does not have any interest in her.

    But the thing is, I feel that he does...or she subconsciously (Or not) does.

    She asks him questions about his interests/hobbies, which are basically all the same as mine and things that I introduced her to....which I find a bit weird. Now, it be just me, but by asking about someone's hobbies and interests are you not conveying interest in them and possibly sending a mixed message?

    But she never mentions that he asks her questions or me...or that they talk about her outside of school...or me for that matter other than the "Mentioning me"

    He's made jokes about not having seen her at the gym. He even invited her once, but she said "No" as "She wouldn't know what she was doing" and when I offered to come with her she didn't seem interested at all and I'm a kinesiologist/Trainer. Maybe she wants to seem like she knows what she's doing around someone else?

    Does it sound like
    - He possibly likes her?
    - She possibly likes him"
    - That it's a harmless relationship?
    - Should I suggest meeting this guy? How would I bring that up without coming off as a jealous ass

    And please explain your answer as I'm really scared that the fiancé is on the way into another guys arms and I don't know what to do about it.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2011
    You should ask to meet him because her friends should also be your friends now that you are in a relationship. There is nothing up and up about you and she having friends that have not been introduced to your partner.

    Ask to meet him and if she doesn't want you to then I'd say that you have very good reason to be nervous about their "friendship."

    ... At this point are they contacting one another after work or going to anything together one-on-one after work?

    - - - Updated - - -

    BTW: There is no need to put your situation in every sub-forum. We all read everything new so your thread will be read even if it's in just one place.
    “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Your Worst Nightmares
    I think just based on what you have shared with us, we cannot really judge. From what you have been able to share, it very well COULD be that he wants to be more than friends with her, but it is also just as possible he does not, that he only thinks of her as a friend and nothing more. There isn't anything from the details you've shared that blatantly and obviously leads to one thought of the other.

    As far as does SHE like HIM? That, too, we cannot necessarily tell from the details you shared. I'd lean towards no because she's made it a point to mention you. Usually, somebody wouldn't mention their significant other if they secretly like the other person. Again, not saying that is a cold hard fact. There could still be a possibility. I am just saying it is at least a good sign.

    So, basically I agree with Wakeup. I don't think I'd necessarily push it right away, but eventually ask to get together as a group so you can meet the guy as well. Some people seem to feel men and women can never be just friends. I personally do not agree with that, and it sounds like you are in the same boat as me. You said yourself that she tends to get along with men more and that has never bothered you before. So, why should it now unless there is something they've done that you feel crosses what is appropriate as friends?

    Also, are they currently ever hanging out outside of work one on one? If she's not even doing that yet at this point, then I'd say that is also a good sign. Though, eventually the hope would be they can hang out, but in such a way that it does not make you feel uncomfortable. If it just makes you feel uncomfortable and don't feel there is necessarily anything that would change that, then that is not necessarily wrong. Just a matter of whether or not you two can reach a happy medium. Either way, good luck to you.

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