How to make my wife more attracted to me?

[icepyramid]

Hi!!

I need ladies' opinions... please help!!

I'm a guy in my late 20s and have been married to my wife for a few years now. However I feel she's losing respect for me. Basically we're not having sex anymore. I have high testosterone (had it checked) so I have very high sex drive and get excited very quickly (sexually), so sometimes the sex (that we used to have) wouldn't last long. Now I have to ask her trillion times before she agrees to have sex and I have stopped asking. I don't want to cheat on her so I help myself (if you know what I mean).

I'm an emotional guy but I think this is turning into a weakness. Lately I have had fears of her leaving me. She threatened to a couple times and I brought her back by basically begging and putting all my pride and manhood on the line. Now I feel she does not respect me as much.

I'm a good looking guy (I always get looks from the ladies when we go out), I'm in shape and make good money. By the way I work and she stays at home.

I feel like she doesn't trust me as a man. She treats me like a boy. Every time I feel a little disapproval in her voice or face, fear comes in that she may abandon me and so I correct myself. The relationship seems unbalanced where whatever she does is ok but what I do may not be. I sometimes feel like a dog and she has the leash on me. The leash being the leash of abandonment.

Could you ladies please give me some advice? I'm good looking and fit and make good money... what am I missing? And what should I do to fix it?

Thanks!!

[Wakeup]

Being good looking and fit doesn't mean much if you're blasting your load two seconds into intercourse.

Have you done anything to help you with your premature ejaculation? Surely you must realize that if your wife is not being satisfied then she's going to lose interest in doing it.

I'd also venture to assume that if you're acting like a little boy and she's being the person in the relationship that has to take charge or nothing would get done, then she is viewing you like a little boy (not a viable, strong protector) and she's losing/lost sexual attraction for you.

I'm not sure if marriage counseling would help the two of you but surely you must see that what I say above (if that is what is going on) makes perfect sense as to why her libido for you has waned.

- - - Updated - - -

You may want to start with working on your stamina... Kegals for men may help you as will learning to last longer while you masturbate. You might want to revisit your doctor as well and ask him for advise or for a referral to someone who can help you overcome PE.

Good luck....

Here's a link on Kegals for men:

http://ca.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_60/67_love_tip.html

[SueNami]

You need to give her some serious orgasms. And QUICK. Personally, my desire to have sex is directly related to how many quality orgasms he can give me.

Don't rely on your penis to have sex. Get in there with your hands and mouth and drive her nuts. Don't allot any less than two hours to your sexual time. Bring in toys if you need to.

You show her that it drives you crazy when she's is happy, she'll start dragging you into the bedroom.

[megvoh]

How long can you last when by yourself masturbating, longer then when inside your wife? Can't you have longer foreplay, get her off other ways so when you hurry or cum quick she'd been pleased enough, that or go to a sex therapist if not a medical issue you have.

[basilandthyme]

You're thinking her sexual attraction is based on your appearance and bedroom performance. However, many sexual problems originate outside the bedroom. I remember when my first marriage ended, I'd rather have stuck pins in my eyes than have sex with my husband. It wasn't because he was bad looking or bad in bed....it was because I became repelled by his attitude to life.

What's your relationship like? You say that you feel she doesn't respect you and treats you like a boy. If you are reading these things correctly, I'm going to suggest that her not wanting sex is due to relationship issues.

Tell us how she views your marriage. Is she happy and in love with you? Do you have unresolved issues? Personality issues?

[vashti]

I am guessing that lack of respect is your primary issue - not the sex (although, that is certainly the cherry on the heap of other problems you are having). You could be Don Juan, but if a woman doesn't respect you, she isn't going to be excited about sleeping with you. The fact that you aren't very good at it is just more ammunition to fuel her disgust.

I think you'd do well to learn how to put up some better boundaries, and quit letting fear of her leaving rule your behavior. No woman wants to sleep with a little boy.

[Wakeup]

You need to give her some serious orgasms. And QUICK. Personally, my desire to have sex is directly related to how many quality orgasms he can give me.

Don't rely on your penis to have sex. Get in there with your hands and mouth and drive her nuts. Don't allot any less than two hours to your sexual time. Bring in toys if you need to.

You show her that it drives you crazy when she's is happy, she'll start dragging you into the bedroom.

Haha!... Love your screen name.

[SueNami]

Lol...thanks wakeup. Pretty much describes my personality.

I just want to add too... alot of people here are saying the problem is outside the bedroom...and its all related. For me personally, how someone treats me in bed is not exclusive to the bedroom. In fact I believe that when someone is sexual you are seeing them at their rawest nature. To me a man not fulfilling me in the bedroom will immediately translate out of the bedroom too. Are they a giver, so they want to make you happy, are they only interested in you as long as it serves their purpose? Are they loving, present, distant????

I guarantee you those traits carry over.

[loganbawcom]

Sure you could get toned up with an exercise programme but what makes you think you need her to be only physically attracted to you? You are married so perhaps you could be thinking what else your wife would find attractive. Perhaps someone who can talk to her and communicate meaningfully. Ask her.

By the way if you are newlyweds and have an arranged marriage then you will need to discuss how you want the relationship to go and what you are going to do.

You would be 'dating' your wife!

[Wired]

I am guessing that lack of respect is your primary issue - not the sex (although, that is certainly the cherry on the heap of other problems you are having). You could be Don Juan, but if a woman doesn't respect you, she isn't going to be excited about sleeping with you. The fact that you aren't very good at it is just more ammunition to fuel her disgust.

I think you'd do well to learn how to put up some better boundaries, and quit letting fear of her leaving rule your behavior. No woman wants to sleep with a little boy.

Couldn't of said it better myself.

I'm sorry to be harsh, but you need to man up. She's losing respect for you because you are not showing her that you are strong, dependable and can take care of her if she needs you. Don't be a puppy dog and do everything she say's, be your own dog and show her what and who you are. Stand up for what you think is right and what you believe in ... nothing sexier than that!

[basilandthyme]

I missed the bit about her wanting to leave you. My bad. Not only does she not want to be with you, but you begged her to stay. So basically, she's with you out of pity.

If the underlying issues in the relationship weren't enough to stop her wanting sex, then the pity issue would certainly nail it.

What are you doing to address the reasons she wants to leave?

[stephaniewindom]

I think that more than anything in the world women like attention. Pay her enough attention and she will be like putty in your hands. Attracted to you physically and emotionally. Another thing some women like is a uniform. Obviously in your privacy, find out if she's into Sailors, Firemen, etc.

Other things you could do is look physically attractive, ie. stay well groomed, smell nice, dress nice. Find out from her close friends or family what she might like, if you can't ask her directly. The main thing is to keep making an effort. Just because you're married now doesn't mean you should let yourself go.

[freedg]

i just think women are so selfish, self centered, non-contributing, egotistical, manipulative, schemeing liars and they all have a cheer squad.

But men that dont take their crap. they women are submissive in aspects. such as king pin drug dealers, bikie gangs.

you just supported her mate. thats what got you bitched on. she wants achange and a man is already lined up. agree ladies?

- - - Updated - - -

I think that more than anything in the world women like attention. Pay her enough attention and she will be like putty in your hands. Attracted to you physically and emotionally. Another thing some women like is a uniform. Obviously in your privacy, find out if she's into Sailors, Firemen, etc.

Other things you could do is look physically attractive, ie. stay well groomed, smell nice, dress nice. Find out from her close friends or family what she might like, if you can't ask her directly. The main thing is to keep making an effort. Just because you're married now doesn't mean you should let yourself go.

have you got any suggestions on perhaps what the woman could do to help the situation or is she immune from responsibility in the relationship?

You ladies to to forget that long term relationships are not just about sex. a good part of of it is communication qualities good friendship. you keep rambling sex like the men. wait till you get to menopause and then you will suffer a burdern. Long terms wont be about sex sex sex sex sex sex se sex sex then will it ladies?



perhaps she could communicate a little better?

[stephaniewindom]

Sure you could get toned up with an exercise programme but what makes you think you need her to be only physically attracted to you? You are married so perhaps you could be thinking what else your wife would find attractive. Perhaps someone who can talk to her and communicate meaningfully. Ask her.

By the way if you are newlyweds and have an arranged marriage then you will need to discuss how you want the relationship to go and what you are going to do.

You would be 'dating' your wife!