Dating guy that doesn't seem to want sex or a relationship... What is his deal?!

[cheeky&sexy]

Look if I wanted to 'snag' this guy by having sex, I would've done it a long time ago. I wouldn't wait 4 months to try that tactic. I've had him naked in my room twice. So I don't appreciate being accused of that. I said I plan to 'talk about sex', not actually have sex yet.

Sex IS just as much of an issue to me as the lack of commitment. To be perfectly honest, nothing would infuriate me more at this point, after not having sex in 4 months.. then him disappearing without even having sex!

I haven't seen him in over a week and things are at our lowest point.. it seems like the absolute worst time to initiate a commitment talk. You're entitled to your opinion and I respect it, I appreciate it, I see where you're coming from. But I'm not going to initiate a talk that neither party is ready for. I plan to follow the advice, just not right now because the timing couldn't be worse. I've fallen hard enough for this guy that I'm willing to hold on a few more weeks, rather than risk it all when things are at the lowest point. This isn't just another crush or just another guy to me.. I'm falling in love with this guy and these 'talks' are a lot easier said than done.

[Wakeup]

Look if I wanted to 'snag' this guy by having sex, I would've done it a long time ago. I wouldn't wait 4 months to try that tactic. I've had him naked in my room twice. So I don't appreciate being accused of that. I said I plan to 'talk about sex', not actually have sex yet.

Sex IS just as much of an issue to me as the lack of commitment. To be perfectly honest, nothing would infuriate me more at this point, after not having sex in 4 months.. then him disappearing without even having sex!

I haven't seen him in over a week and things are at our lowest point.. it seems like the absolute worst time to initiate a commitment talk. You're entitled to your opinion and I respect it, I appreciate it, I see where you're coming from. But I'm not going to initiate a talk that neither party is ready for. I plan to follow the advice, just not right now because the timing couldn't be worse. I've fallen hard enough for this guy that I'm willing to hold on a few more weeks, rather than risk it all when things are at the lowest point. This isn't just another crush or just another guy to me.. I'm falling in love with this guy and these 'talks' are a lot easier said than done.

I think it's too funny that you think giving blowjobs or hand jobs ISN'T having sex. lol

I wouldn't laugh if you had said "nothing would infuriate me more at this point, after not having intercourse in 4 months .. then him disappearing without even having intercourse.

You.are.having.sex... you are however; NOT having intercourse.

Perhaps its just semantics but the end result is still an orgasm. If he's having those then perhaps he is just quite fine with only that and it means that he can save 'intercourse' for the girl he IS willing to take home and introduce to mom.

Anyway... you'll figure out when you need to have a conversation that entails the words "so when am I going to meet your friends and family" or: can I come and watch you play sometime soon" even.

You are not at all a part of his life outside of the two of you. You know that though and that's what is ultimately eating at you.

Good luck with your talk once you get the guts to have it. Don't let fear of not having him at all keep you from having it because frankly if he doesn't want you the way you want him then you're just coasting and wasting good dating years finding a LIFEmate.

Let us know how you're doing with things.

[cheeky&sexy]

Well I guess when I say sex I'm referring to intercourse. Everyone has their own opinions as to how they classify 'sex'. The end result for the male is an orgasm but as a female, or for me at least, foreplay is not enough compared to the intercourse I'm used to.

I've given this a lot of thought (clearly haha) and to be fair, I haven't exactly brought him into my world either. I invited him in to meet my parents one time for a brief 2 minutes.. and he invited me to coach with him at his basketball camp one day. So it's pretty equal, I can't really sit here blaming him when I haven't made much effort with that either.

I saw him Thursday night for coffee and Friday for lunch. We hadn't seen each other in over a week so Thursday was a bit awkward at first haha we were both acting really nervous and fidgety. It's pretty funny now that I think about it but we're just really shy, so when we don't see each other for a while it's awkward. I realised that while I'd been stressing he wasn't into me anymore, he was possibly thinking the same things about me. Friday we were able to relax more and it was a good date.. I still felt we never 100% relaxed.. but I left wishing we had more time and I definitely want to see him again.

The past two dates I've realised what the issue is.. and it's been staring me in the face the entire time. I don't know why I never mentioned it in this thread because I always joke about it to my friends and family. But I feel like I am dating the male version of myself.. when we go on dates it's like looking into a mirror. I've always thought this was a great thing because we get along so well, and it's cute when we choose to order the same thing on the menu every time, when we say the same thing at the same time, etc. But now I've realised that it's a double edged sword. On one hand, it's great because it feels like we're highly compatible, being so similar, in a lot of ways we just get each other. On the other hand, at this point in the game I feel it's our weaknesses that are holding this relationship back from progressing. We're stagnating because we're both shy and quiet, indecisive, don't like stepping out of our comfort zone and avoid confrontation. We both kinda just calmly coast though life, which is exactly what we're doing here, we're doing what's easy. I often say to people that if we got into a relationship we would be comfortable and it would be great, it's just getting to that point is the difficult part with two people of our personalities, because it takes so much longer to build up the comfortability level. No one really gets it or agrees with me, but it makes sense to me.

I feel like he is the shyer one of the two of us, and considering I've realised the issue, I'm going to be the brave one and take baby steps outside of my comfort zone in an attempt to move things along. I've written a list of things I'm going to gradually do and hope he takes my lead, which will bring us closer and more comfortable. For example, initiating phone calls rather than texting sometimes. I just want to spice things up a bit and take some risks, because otherwise it's beginning to go stale. It sounds like a lot of work but it's worth a shot. I'd rather put the extra effort in than let it fizzle out or continue how it is.

[Wakeup]

Good luck! Hope it works out for you.