the one you loved is being liked/loved by someone else

[blueinlove]

Hi..there I'm new with this..just want some advice. I'm in relationship for 9 years.and we really loved each other.but the problem is her coworker/friend was been in love with her.and I don't know how to dealt with it. He still calling/texting my girl.

[megvoh]

Are you not married to each other after 9 years? How come? How old are you both? Can you provide more information about your situation, I'm stumped what to tell you.

[lei_faith]

Girls value how long they are in a relationship. How did u know that he is inlove with your girl? Did she tell you? If she is open with you about her coworker, then there's nothing to worry about.

worry when she is hiding it from you.

[TheEvilJester]

Not a lot of detail you gave us, but I can say this...

There really isn't much you personally can or should do. All you can really do is share with your girlfriend that it makes you uncomfortable. It isn't okay for him to be calling and texting her all the time like that.... especially considering he has a crush on her when she is with you. She should be the one to either tell him he needs to respect that she is with you and respect appropriate boundaries or they cannot be friends.

It isn't really your place to say anything to him, nor should you have to be put in that position anyway. You also shouldn't necessarily give her an "ultimatum" per se. You don't want it to come across like a demand as though you are telling her what to do. You just need to be sure she understands how it makes you feel. If she respects you the way she should, especially after being together for so long, then she should understand that and want to do whatever she could to make you feel comfortable with the situation. If she can't do that, that is fine, but then maybe you should find somebody who can respect the same boundaries you feel are reasonable. Good luck to you.

[heartbroken23]

I really need advice. I'm in love with a married man. We met in 2012 and we were inseparable, I didn't know that he had a girlfriend and we weren't dating or anything but the way we acted towards each other everyone thought we were. He would stay with me for weeks at a time, I would take him back and forth to work. I fell so in love with him. I know he felt something towards me too, but he never actually told me that he did. He was 19 and I was 20 and now he is married at 22 and I haven't seen him in 2 years but I just can't seem to stop thinking about him and I still feel the way I did when were inseparable. What do I do? I know I need to get over him, but I can't seem to do that.

[woody]

Hi..there I'm new with this..just want some advice. I'm in relationship for 9 years.and we really loved each other.but the problem is her coworker/friend was been in love with her.and I don't know how to dealt with it. He still calling/texting my girl.

If your Lady knows it makes you uncomfortable, she ought request he cease the texts but as someone mentioned, so long as she's not hiding anything from you, you need not worry.
Still, if it bugs you, talk to your woman and see what she does with it.

[basilandthyme]

Heartbroken, please don't hijack someone else's post.

[blueinlove]

I want to be honest to all of you. But please dont hate me..Actually I'm a gay.were been best friend since college.she don't knew that I'm in love with her that time.and i dont have plan have to tell her about my feelings cause i dont want to ruin my friendship.And i'm contented to be her bestfriend.until we graduated..we're been separated.she started to work and I started to take a review for board exam.And then after one month since we're graduated..there was an occasion on their place and i came..that night changed the situation.she told me that she's in love with me. That was the start of our relationship. We been 3 years as best friends and 6 years as lovers until now.
Were 28y.o.
Back to my problem i already told her that I'm not comfortable in that situation of texting/ calling her..this guy already knew about us .She told him that to make him stop but he didn't...She also told him that there's no hope between them because she loves me..

[blueinlove]

Thanks for the advice ..but can I also have advice for the guy..

[basilandthyme]

Advice for the guy who likes your girlfriend? Nope. This is all on your girlfriend and how she handles the situation.

[TheEvilJester]

The fact that you are a gay couple doesn't change anything in my view. It is no more or less inappropriate for him to be hounding her like this. Is she bi, or just gay? (You don't have to answer that if you don't want, I was just curious.) Because if she is just gay, I'd maybe say it is a little bit stupid on top of being inappropriate since he is trying to pursue somebody who not only isn't available but also isn't interested in his gender.

Anyway, the only thing that changes my opinion slightly is the fact that you say your lady has already made it very clear to him that he needs to stop. That being the case, I would say your girlfriend has tried to do what she could, so certainly no reason to hold this against her or mistrust her. All the same, she does need to find some way to get it through to this knucklehead that he needs to go away. As much for herself as for you, and heck.... even for him. If he won't get it, then her best bet would be to cut off all contact with him. But, it sounds, at least, like she is making the effort to tell him to take a hike. So, good for her. Good luck!

[blueinlove]

[MENTION=7177]Jester[/MENTION]
My girl was bi..thanks for the advice..

[blueinlove]

This guy telling to my girl that friendship is all he wanted..and begging not to cut their communication. But I'm not comfortable with that.

- - - Updated - - -
[MENTION=67934]ind[/MENTION]i
Maybe you misunderstood..my post was been mixed by [MENTION=415]heartbroken[/MENTION]..

[blueinlove]

[MENTION=67934]ind[/MENTION]i
Maybe you misunderstood..my post was been mixed by [MENTION=415]heartbroken[/MENTION]..

[IndiReloaded]

@ Jester, I don't think he is gay, that was a typo. He was confessing to being the guy... I think he wants advice as the guy/BF, now that he has confessed this is his true situation....

Blue - As others have said, it is ultimately up to your GF how she wants to conduct herself. However, in your situation here is what I might do:

1. Tell your GF clearly you love her, but if she wants this other guy then you want to break up. Dont be someone's 2nd choice. Plus she won't respect you if you let her do this to your relationship.

2. Recognize you are all quite young. Hopefully without children. Sometimes people make mistakes about who and what they want. Again, she needs to sort this out, but not at your expense. If she won't decide, break up with her.

3. You might want to point out that this other guy, being recently married, is maybe just looking for some attention outside the marriage. Not a nice thing to do. Or perhaps he has also made a mistake... Refer back to 2.

4. If you know the other guy, you might just ask him wtf he is doing...

Hope this helps.