My wife wants a divorce

[basilandthyme]

she will be staying at her parents house in the countryside and will inevitably start to miss me over the next 3 months.

She may start to miss you. But it's far from inevitable.

[avii89]

That is true, but I should point out that in the last 4 years we have never spent more then 3 weeks apart.

Her mother also re-decorated her room for us to stay in after the wedding, so there are a lot of memories in there. She doesn't have any friends in the area as she has never lived there for a long time, all she will have is her family while she is there... and her family really like me.

Her sister even told me that she is being put off work at the moment as she is so traumatized by the situation.

If we can end this (for now) on a friendly and mutual note, the more likely she will be to think about the good things - rather then the bad over the next couple of months.

On a side note, I did 50 parallel bar dips, 120 push-ups, and 30 minutes of dumbbell weights yesterday. I am completely dedicated to transforming my body over the next 3 months!

[avii89]

Went to the mosque for her yesterday and signed the divorce papers as I am just doing what she wants, the Islamic part of it is completely irrelevant in UK law anyway... but it was still very painful to do it. Legally we are still husband and wife.

I suspect she might have autism, because she pressured me into this entire mosque business so quickly... and seems to have a strange disregard to how I might be feeling about everything. When we first arrived there the person we were supposed to meet hadn't arrived yet. So we went for a long walk (about an hour or so) and had a completely normal, natural conversation and she was laughing about the jokes I made etc. and genuinely seemed like she enjoyed spending time with me, and then she also mentioned that she still finds me attractive.

Don't get me wrong, I am devastated inside, but I am covering this up at the moment...

The above makes me wonder - what the **** the problem is? Finds me funny, enjoys our conversation - and finds me attractive............

[Wakeup]

So now, in the eyes of her religious group, you are no longer considered husband and wife.

I expect the next serious of events will consist of a Jihad on your ass.

WTF? You've married a psycho twat who you would do well to speak to a lawyer about and get yourself educated on what your rights are. Get your marriage annulled and find yourself a nice western woman that isn't all mixed up due to her religious teachings.

[basilandthyme]

Autism? Really??? Pull your head in

[avii89]

Autism? Really??? Pull your head in

Thank you for the helpful input, and blaming me in your earlier post. That really helps me in such a traumatic time of life.

I would like to point out that the last time I smoked was with her - because she insisted on having some. So I very much doubt this was her reason for walking out.

I think I should also add that our friends, house-mates and parents (including her own father) have all had similar thoughts, nobody really understands what she is doing right now. It may not be autism necessarily, but something just doesn't quite add up here.

Like Wakeup said earlier...

Something is STILL fishy in Denmark.

Oh, process still takes another 3 months. So still husband and wife in the eyes of Islam.

[vilhelmcarlberg]

Try to solve the problem with your wife. Divorce is not only the solution for all.

[CrasherRob8]

Maybe I'm off the mark, but I get the sense you tend to be boastful and condescending to her. I get that sense in that you say she will inevitably miss you, no one understands what she is doing, you think she has autism, etc. Do you even know what autism is or what people are like socially if they have autism? I'm guessing not cause you threw that accusation out there like its nothing. From what you've described, she most definitely does not have autism but rather is having her own battle between staying with you and leaving.

Here's my advice to you. Take a big slice of humble pie, stop blaming her or throwing accusations at her because all it's doing is making you look condescending and you come off as "I am better than you". Give her space, work on yourself, and don't brag that you've done this or that. Actions speak louder than words and those that tend to boast about things they have done do so to make themselves feel better about themselves. Kick your drug habit (yes, weed is a drug and given what you've described, your an addict). That means going into rehab cause you obviously can't kick it on your own. Work on yourself, go to your own therapy to fix yourself before you try and fix your marriage

[fukushima123]

Just in terms of you saying she doesn't seem to care, it's quite possible that she thinks the same of you.
You may have told her that you do care, but as CrasherRob8 says, "Actions speak louder than words".
A person can apologize all they like and cite Shakespeare for all I care, but at the end of the day the only thing that makes a difference is what you have done for her on a daily basis or plan to do for her in the coming days.
If you only feel helpless now, it is because you were unprepared for all of this and are now facing reality as it is.
If you two do make it to therapy, I hope you communicate everything you possibly can regarding what you plan to do to make it up to her.
Be specific because it doesn't sound like you can afford to be vague.
The bottom line is you both loved each other immensely once.
Prove it.

In terms of her smiling and putting on a brave face when she should technically be in tears, people do it all the time despite being absolutely torn and dying on the inside.
Don't take anything for granted.
No one can speak for her feelings or emotions (not even you); not her best friends, not her or your family; only she has can speak for herself.

I wish you the best, but don't go down without a fight.

[avii89]

Maybe I'm off the mark, but I get the sense you tend to be boastful and condescending to her.

I haven't said any of these things to her, I never would. I said a lot of things in previous posts out of anger - which will strictly stay here.

[shrikantji]

Don`t worry everything will be all right GOD BLESSING YOU

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[fearoflove]

Maybe she realized she made a mistake? Somehow she got convinced by her family, someone from her religion that you are not someone she should have married.