Does she want to be exclusive?

[tropus]

I have been dating a girl all month. 5 official dates in total. She has introduced me to a couple of her friends and invited me to her work to have a beer at the end of her shift. One night she invited me over to her apartment and we made it to third base, but she said she wasn't ready to go all the way yet. I invited her over last night. She asked for a raincheck. Today I noticed she has been online on the dating site we met on pretty much off and on all day. She changed her profile picture and that's it. I am so confused. Do you think she wants to be exclusive or is she jerkin me around?

I'm kinda waiting for her to bring it up.

[basilandthyme]

Only she can tell you if she wants an exclusive relationship. And if she does want one, she could be waiting for you to bring it up.

Best way to broach the subject is to ask her - broadly speaking - what she's looking for in a relationship right now. If she says she's looking for exclusivity, then consider broaching the subject. If she says she's not looking for it, then you have your answer.

But most of all, if you wait around for someone else to make a move, you'll get nowhere in life. Life involves risks. Be prepared to take risks

[Wakeup]

She's still got her options open if she's changed her profile photo and not her "status" to go along with it.

Talk to HER about exclusivity. If her answer isn't "okay" then let us know what it is and we'll give a go at guessing what she's actually saying to you.

[tropus]

I just don't know if that's a good idea. It would make me seem needy or insecure. She has also told me a couple times that she really likes the pace we are going at.

She came over Friday night and we watched a hockey game. I bet her that her team would lose. The wager was a full-body massage. Of course, I won my bet ;-) but before we got to it, she said she needed to talk to me about something. She told me not to expect to go all the way any time soon. Basically it sounded like she wants to reserve that level of intimacy because it is special to her and she starts to develop feelings for that person. My response was that I am a one-woman kind of guy and that I really like her a lot. Again, after the massage, I got to second base again, but I didn't want to push it. She stayed the night at my place and the next morning she invited me out for breakfast. Today we took her dog for a 4-hour walk. There was a lot of innuendo and sexual-based jokes. There was a lot of intimacy and it is starting to feel like a relationship. We are starting to talk about past relationships and those type of things.

Some other things:
When we are texting back and forth, sexual topics keep coming up (initiated by her).
We have plans to go to a concert together in a few weeks. We also talked about going to a concert in July.
She has made it pretty clear in conversation that she has commitment issues.

Hmm, I noticed again, like right after we went for a walk, that she was online on that site again. I am starting to feel like a stalker. At the same time, we are friends on Facebook (have been for about 2 weeks) and she hasn't added any guys, so I doubt she is dating anybody - at least not as much as she has seen me. Just not sure what to think. She seems to be interested in me and having a relationship, but maybe she just fears commitment. Maybe she is just checking to see if I am online. I need input on this!

[basilandthyme]

Tropus, I can't really advise a way forward if you're not willing to talk with her. Finding out what she's looking for in a relationship is hardly proposing marriage.

[Wakeup]

I just don't know if that's a good idea. It would make me seem needy or insecure. She has also told me a couple times that she really likes the pace we are going at.

Then stop being such a wimp about it. You ARE needy and insecure because you're here looking for strangers to tell you what is inside HER head instead of asking her. Someone who was confident would ask her what she's thinking. You best learn to self sooth your own thoughts and enjoy what you have if you're too afraid to find out directly.

P.S. Put up your own new picture and keep your options open too since she appears to be doing exactly that.

[tropus]

Then stop being such a wimp about it. You ARE needy and insecure because you're here looking for strangers to tell you what is inside HER head instead of asking her. Someone who was confident would ask her what she's thinking. You best learn to self sooth your own thoughts and enjoy what you have if you're too afraid to find out directly.

P.S. Put up your own new picture and keep your options open too since she appears to be doing exactly that.

Well I don't think it's so cut and dry. My gut feeling is that asking her straight up about exclusivity is not a good idea. In past relationships, women have been the one to bring it up. As I stated in a previous post, she has commitment issues that she is very forward about. I know that she likes me and she really likes the pace we are going at. Right now does not seem like the opportune time to bring it up. On the other hand, maybe she is expecting me to bring it up and without being verbal about it, there are all these mixed signals and that is why she is doing that. Maybe that is how I should bring it up; something to the effect of "I can tell you really like me and we've had a lot of fun together. Do you want to be my girlfriend or are you just looking to date?" Or should I be more straightforward and say something like "Neither of us have brought it up and it's driving me crazy. I want you to be my girlfriend."

[basilandthyme]

Maybe that is how I should bring it up; something to the effect of "I can tell you really like me and we've had a lot of fun together. Do you want to be my girlfriend or are you just looking to date?" Or should I be more straightforward and say something like "Neither of us have brought it up and it's driving me crazy. I want you to be my girlfriend."

Neither of the above. As I suggested earlier, as you're nervous about being direct, you start out by finding out what she's looking for in a relationship.

"So, how have you found this online dating thing? What are you looking for in a relationship?" General conversation only. Listen to what she says and then plan how you will be with her.

As for the women who've brought up exclusivity previously, it's quite possible they brought it up because you didn't do it! But just as you are chicken to come out with it, so are some women. Not all women are the same!

[Wakeup]

she has commitment issues that she is very forward about.

Then why are you even wondering about this. She's happy with the pace, she doesn't want to commit and she's keeping her options open. Either you be happy being in a non-exclusive relationship with her until she tells you different. If she's THAT clear about it then take what she says at face value and let her call the shots.

Just don't give up your options either and keep looking as well. SHE HAS COMMITMENT ISSUES. O.o If you want a committed relationship then you're with the WRONG chick.

[tropus]

I think what she means by that is that she fears commitment because of the past, not that she just doesn't want to be in a relationship. She had a relationship of two years, fell out of love, didn't date anybody for a year, and then got in a really bad relationship with a drug user. It seems like she wants to be in a relationship, but she is just afraid of getting hurt; she needs to feel independent and in control.

[tropus]

NVM, she is totally head over heels for me. She just wagered another bet on another hockey game. Her wager is a 'romantic date' - loser takes the winner out. I am so totally going to ask her to be my girlfriend on that date.

[Wakeup]

Good... that's settled then. Let us know what she says.

[tropus]

The game is tonight :-)

Oh and I just said screw it last night and deleted my account on the website. It looks like she did too shortly after! So she must have been checking me out to see if I was active.

[Wakeup]

Don't assume anything ~ Whether it be a positive or a negative.

BTW: How can you check to see if she deleted hers shortly after you deleted yours if you were already deleted?

[tropus]

B/C her name magically disappeared from the "online now/recently" page which can be viewed without being logged in or anything :-)