Just broke up with my girlfriend; did I overreact?

[nirvana123456]

We'd been dating for 2 1/2 years; she's 21, and I'm 22. We moved in together last May, and we started having a lot of problems around October. I was struggling with depression and acted like an asshole. We split up for around a week in February. During that time, she started talking to some 31 year old dude who would always come into her work. He started buying her gift cards for wine, and he gave her gas money once. Then she found out that he has a fiancee, so she figured he's just a nice person. She told me all of this once we got back together.

So, we decided to try to make things work and after some more rough patches, things finally seemed to be getting better. She told me that she did have a crush on this guy for awhile but that he isn't good enough for her and that I am.

Anyway, he would always come in to her work during his lunch. We've been wondering wtf his deal is and if he's just a nice person or what. So she decided to meet him at Sonic and talk to him and get to the bottom of things. I told her I was okay with that.

So she talks to him, and I ask her what he said. She said that he told her that he was attracted to her, and they decided that they probably shouldn't talk anymore. Over the next few days, though, she's been giving me more details about their conversation. She told me that she thought she didn't have a crush on him anymore, but after talking to him, she realized that she still does. Then she told me that he told her that, if he was single, there would "never be a minute that he wouldn't be between her legs" (this asshole knew that we were dating, too). I told her that I think he's an absolute creep, and she insists that he's not because he mows some old lady's lawn and takes care of his sick mom. We got into a fight about that.

I decided that the whole situation is ****ed up and that, since I'm trying to get over my depression, I don't need to deal with this bullshit that makes me feel worthless all the time (we've fought about similar things before). I really don't want to lose her, but it looks like I'm going to either way, so it might as well be on my terms, right? But now I'm wondering if I overreacted. What do you guys think? Am I justified in breaking up with her for this? Is that dude a creep or not?

tl;dr: My girlfriend developed a crush on a guy 10 years older than her, I got pissed and broke up with her. Did I overreact?

[TablesandChairs]

Your girlfriend is a bit gross. For a start, why would you accept gifts and money from some creepy engaged dude? Secondly, he's talking about the time he would spend between her legs...which clearly shows what he's after. Let her go for it; at best, she'll end up being his sex toy for a few days and he might give her a few gifts for added measure. Does she not normally get attention from guys or what? Because the fact that she's even entertaining the creep is sad.

[basilandthyme]

Creep probably has a way with words and knows how to get what he wants. Meanwhile, your girlfriend is a combination of vulnerable because she was feeling so distant from you and probably also gullible or desperate or lacking in boundaries.

That being said, you did the right thing ending it. Get your head straight and start afresh with a new girl where there's no baggage. You will come good

[TheEvilJester]

I would agree that you did the right thing. I would MAYBE have a little bit of leniency if it were just that she had a little crush on the guy, but realized that she wanted to be with you, not him. Though I feel like you shouldn't have a crush on somebody when you are with somebody else, you kind of can't help your feelings. That alone I could maybe see past....

But this guy made it VERY obvious that he was into her, and as others pointed out above, in a pretty creepy manner as well. The fact that she sees nothing wrong with that strikes me as being a big red flag.

So, yeah, I kind of have to lean towards thinking you did not overreact at all. Really, the bottom line is you are battling with a depression (NOT an easy battle to fight) so you don't need to heap extra things on yourself that will only make that worse. Right or wrong, this gal currently gives you feelings that put you in danger of losing that battle, or at least taking longer to win it. You are not wrong to worry more about yourself then a relationship you're not even sure she's truly committed to in the first place. It is in your best interest to give yourself the best chance to come out of that battle better and stronger than ever. She should be your ally in that, not one of your obstacles. Luckily, if she can't do that, then she is one obstacle you can easily remove.

Good luck to you, friend. Both in your quest to find a gal who will treat you with the respect you deserve, and in your battle with that evil demon known as depression. It is not easy, but it is a battle worth fighting and a war worth winning.