An expected (but not welcome) break up and a bizarre new friend??

[clarabellew]

So... this gets a little bizarre and I'd really appreciate responses to the entire situation!

I'm 33, been married twice and have 2 young daughters.

About 9 weeks ago, I met a guy on a dating web site. Although we had never met, we grew close to each other, went to the same schools, had a few of the same friends and our parents knew each other. He'd been married and had two sons. We hit it off and for the first 6 or 7 weeks the relationship was fantastic. It was normal, he was really into me and did a lot of the chasing. He often did the arranging for us to go out, bought me flowers, brought me and my girls presents back from his trip to Boston and was happy to meet my girls and also my mum.

After about 6 or 7 weeks, I noticed he wasn't himself. He was becoming distant, distracted and stressed. He said that his ex is being very difficult about their pending financial agreement, their pending divorce and childcare. His parents are being difficult about it too; he is staying with them until everything is sorted and he can buy his own place. On top of that, he's having big problems with some of his staff at work, he's very very busy at work and they were also sending him off to Denmark for a few says, which he didn't want to go (he's actually there right now).

On Thursday, he messaged me to say that he'd given it some thought and right now he didn't think that "we" would work long term. He couldn't put his finger on it, couldn't explain it, but something just didn't feel right now where as before it did. A big part of it was that he has so much going on in his head right now that he couldn't devote himself physically or mentally to a long term relationship at the moment. It was nothing either of us had done; he knows we get on really really well and he loves spending time with me and he thinks I'm great, but he keeps looking at years ahead and asking himself if he could see us as a couple long term and right now he just can't see it. He doesn't want to lose a friend. He tried to give it time to see if he could get over it but he just can't see past it at the moment. He said who knows, he may end up regretting it big time, but he couldn't get past it at the moment. I replied a couple of times, trying to talk him round, but he wasn't listening, so I stopped replying.

On Saturday, I had a facebook friend request of his female best friend. He'd talked about us to each other before, but we had never had any contact. He inevitably came into the conversation. She knew what had happened and explained to me that he is very messed up right now. He just doesn't know at all want he wants relationship wise and that I wasn't to take it personally. He is so so stressed and it's clouding his mind and he just can't see or think straight at all. His divorce has been going on for a long time and he's so tired of it. He needs closure on his past so that he can move on and not have it bothering him all the time. Until that happens, he can't commit 100% in his mind because this is all on top of him and he is stressed about it.

She invited me to her house yesterday. When I got there, she said she had wanted to meet me coz he'd always talked really positive about me; when he'd said we'd split up, she decided to make contact herself. She had told him she'd made contact and that I was going over. He's asked her to tell me he said hi. I didn't ask her to say it back. Two hours later, he messaged her and said how did it go with Clare. She responded that we were still nattering and that I was lovely. He replied "Cool!". She again kept tell me about how he didn't know what he wanted and he was so so stressed and not thinking straight, etc. She told me not to wait for him; she'd waited five years for someone and it never happened and she didn't want me to do the same, she said I deserved better and he was an idiot. I told her that I was going to do my own thing, concentrate on me, not wait for him, but not necessarily 'move on' either. I thought that in time, as he got himself and his stuff sorted out and was in a better place, we could maybe have a fresh start. She told me she hoped so too. She also explained that when she had met him his ex had gone nuts and really kicked off - despite being told that they were just friends and that she had a boyfriend and a daughter.

So, I have no idea what to think. Why would she make contact and talk to me about it like this if there wasn't any hope? And is it a good sign that he tried to say hi and then asked her how it had gone? Why would he ask if he didn't care? And with regards to the situation with him, does he just need to sort himself and his issues out? When he's in a better place, could he come back to me? I could understand it if there had been a problem, like we didn't fancy each other, or we had an argument, or didn't see eye to eye on something, but it was honestly absolutely great before things got really difficult with his ex. And given that he's suddenly trying to trying to get things sorted with his ex - why? Was the intention so that it was done and he could move on with me? Perhaps he just didn't envirsage things getting so bad and stressful and now he can't handle it??

Clare
x