He's not my son

[Mark1982]

Found out today that he's not my son, he's 15wks old. She cheated with her boss, he doesn't think the child is his. Only her and I know the truth, she doesn't know if she's going to tell him. She does however still work for him.

As much as I'm hurt, I do still love her.

My question is has anyone else dealt with this before and raised the child as their own?

How hard is it to live the lie, not only to the that child but to family and friends

[Wakeup]

Just because you love her, it doesn't mean you should stay in a relationship with her. Love has very little to do with anything when you're worried every single day she goes to work with the father of the child you're raising as your own.

No, I have never dealt with what you're going through. I would never stay with someone that was still working with the person they are screwing. Don't kid yourself, odds are high they are still very much at it.

I will say that I found out that my brother was really only a half brother when I was 18 and he was 21. It didn't change a thing as far as we were concerned. We were still very much siblings and we loved our father all the same. (we had same mother, different father but adopted my brother when he was almost two and I was yet to be born).

You'd think the mother would at least leave the work place where her lover is the boss if she had any respect for you, herself or the child if she's going to allow you to raise him as if you were the bio dad.

Think twice and consider getting a lawyer to find out what your responsibilities/rights are now and will be if you continue on in this relationship.

[SueNami]

I'm curious how the paternity test came about?

Only because... if she legitimately thought the child was yours she may have already broken things off with the father.

I've never dealt with this either- but I think unless you are an extremely forgiving person the resentment will build. I think that child will come to represent something you will come to despise about her. For the first few months you've been walking around thinking the baby is yours...but just watch how your attitude changes now...

[megvoh]

Did you only find out now she cheated with her boss and the kid is already that old and you thought he was yours the whole time until now? That's rough going.

I'd tell the other guy the truth, he should be paying for his kid, not you and she should stop deceiving people and bringing you in on it.

[Mark1982]

I've always been sus about her cheating. Which I found out the truth about two weeks ago. I've always had a weird feeling about it, and I didn't the dna test so that it wouldn't consume me. I think it's right thing that he knows, but I also know that although she says she wants us to be together, I think that he would want them to be a family. He's her fathers ago, and they were seeing each other before we got together. She wants me to decide weather or not he knows. I'm torn between doing what's right or if I was him, and the possibility that he'll want a part of his sons life, or them both as a family. Which i can understand, more then anything as I have a son with my ex wife. So it's also going to effect him, all of a sudden he doesn't have a brother, and he won't be able to come over every other weekend. Due to the fact that if I move out, the court order has that he must have his own room. I'm black listed with Tica and share accomodation is all I know of.

As you can imaging my head is all over the place, I'm don't want to make excuses, but give u more of the story.

I want to hear others thoughts, good or bad. I'm a little lost

[megvoh]

Is her boss married or single, divorced, you said he is your dad's age? Yeah, he needs the truth, he did the deed that got her preggers, it's on him as much as her.

Tell her he should know, it's the right thing.

It all sounds like a soap opera, you know and loads stressful on all. Honesty is the best policy and let it fall where it falls is my advice. Best of luck to you with this.

[lovebroken]

Sorry the dna test came back as it not being your son. I agree with megvoh and she should tell the real father that he has a son.

[Mark1982]

Yes, I told her to tell him.
He said "he's happy the way things are, if she's happy"
He see's the child as "her son". Not ours or theirs.
He doesn't want his wife to know as he stands to lose millions in assets. They are quite well off.

[vashti]

i think the child is entitled to a lifestyle his father can provide in the way of child support.