Is this worth waiting for?

[LonelyRN]

Hi there - I'm new to this website, and I feel like I really need a male's perspective on this. Apologies now for the lengthy post.

I was involved in a 6-year relationship that ended 6 months ago. It did not end mutually - I was truly heartbroken for several months. However, shortly thereafter, I realized it was for the best and began to move on with my life. 6 months down the line, I can say I am in a much better place, despite some of his futile (and hurtful) efforts to get me back.

A few months ago, I began seeing someone on and off, a person I have known for almost all of my life. I really enjoy his company, and when we are together, I feel that he enjoys mine too. Let me create a timeline of events; we have been on 10 "dates," so far, and no moves have been made. He doesn't seem to be a shy person, in general, but seems to be shy around me. He will often say things that make me feel he sees a future with me, like telling me he wants to teach me to ice skate and ski, because these are things he likes to do. He is subtly flirtatious, seems to take an interest in my life and my future goals, and is eager to offer advice. A few months back, he asked me what my parents thought of him, and if they knew we were spending time together. When we go out, he always tries to pay, even resorting to sneakier methods like picking up the check without me knowing. It's quite charming. It seems that he likes me, but, again, no moves have been made. He hasn't even tried to hold my hand. He is also terrible with texting. There are times we will go 2-3 weeks without speaking, and then he will pop up again to invite me somewhere with him. I've also texted him, and he usually responds, but sometimes will just stop answering. I know he is incredibly busy with work and has a number of extra-curricular activities he is involved in pertaining to his career. He seemed to be more forward and attentive before his work got more complicated.

I would have no problem being the more aggressive one in terms of making moves, if I knew for sure that he liked me. I am thinking he either (1) is taking his time because he knows we have known each other for a long time and our families know each other or (2) he is just not that into me or (3) he is incredibly shy and can't make the first move.

Any thoughts? It has been about 4 months of us seeing each other and we have only hung out 10 times. But, again, I can't understand why he would continue seeing me and inviting me places if he wasn't at least mildly interested. I am just confused.

Thank you so much, in advance, for your answers.

[Wakeup]

Have you done the logical thing and asked him what his intentions are?
Asked him if this is just a continuation of your friendship or does he want to take this to a romantic level?

You don't mention what it is you want. Did you want a romantic relationship with him that entails more then the activity partner that he currently is?

[LonelyRN]

Thank you so much, Wakeup, for your reply.

I haven't done the "logical," thing because I think a large part of me doesn't feel comfortable asking. I think the fear of rejection or maybe "having it all wrong," is holding me back. You're absolutely right, though, the only way to find out is to ask.

I do want a romantic relationship - I feel that I've grown since my last relationship and am able to see what I want and need more clearly, and feel that he is very suited to me, intellectually, physically, and emotionally, as a long-term partner.

[Wakeup]

Then time to either ask outright, I suppose.

Rejection is waaaaaaay better then being strung along as you fall for him romantically as he continues taking you along for this (which appears to be) activity partner, non-advancing "thing" you two got going on. If he's not feeling the same way you are then you can at least do the mental work you need to do to get to the stage of indifference to him so that you're open in mind and heart to find someone who wants something romantic with you.

Something to keep in mind... he's not very attentive if he's going two or three weeks without contacting you. In that length of time do you ever initiate contact or invite him out on a date? Why is your communication so sparse? If its because he's so busy then how would he ever have the time to nurture anything with you?

[LonelyRN]

Thanks for putting things into perspective, Wakeup. I feel like we will never progress any further because of the lack of contact, as well.

[Wakeup]

... Still worth a conversation with him, RN. At least then you'll know his intentions and if you've never initiated any of the inviting or any of the conversations then perhaps he's wondering the same thing you're wondering?

A conversation is a win/win no matter which way it goes.

Good luck. If you get the strength to have the chat let us know how it goes.

[LonelyRN]

Thank you for your replies. I will keep this thread updated. Fingers crossed.