Hi everyone,
I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years, the majority of it has been long distance. Recently we've started talking about marriage, and I was getting ready to quit my job and move countries to be with him. But I've started noticing he has a really controlling father, the red flags came up when his father gave him a deadline for us to get engaged, wanting everyone to live in the same house (which I don't feel comfortable with either). The latest drama was my bf's father forcing him to give nearly 80% of his monthly pay to him for "safekeeping", despite promising my bf that he would not try to control his finances just a month ago. My Bf's 26 and can manage his own finances perfectly well.
All this made me wonder what my life would be like marrying my bf. We are Asian, and he comes from a very traditional Asian family where the head of the family has the final say on everything, and women are disrespected. My bf has tried to talk to his father, to set boundaries, but his father just won't change. I know that if his father tries to make me do something I am not comfortable with, I will refuse and fight for my own rights. But my bf is unwilling to stand by my side. He told me he feels that he needs to listen to his parents as a form of respect, and can't go against them to protect my needs.
Him not agreeing to stand with me as a team to properly talk to his parents about my concerns hurts me a lot. I want to fight for this relationship as I truly love him, but I'm getting to the point of wanting to give up.
Am I thinking too much into the future worrying about something that hasn't happened yet? Am I going overboard with trying to make sure I will not be controlled by his family?
It just feels so sad to know that the main reason behind our potential breakup is his father, I'm at a loss.