Ex-iled

[Dykens]

So, I got dumped over a month ago because my girlfriend took off with my best friend, who I introduced her to at church. I really do love the girl, and I can tell that my former friend is using her (he's already been caught sending romantic texts to another girl). I can tell that their relationship won't last, but any attempt to make them break up faster seems to bring them closer together. I'm extremely worried that my former friend is going to mess up my ex-girlfriend, who I love despite what she's done to me and the slandering she's done to me. I'm not here to get help on getting her back; that subject is far too complex. I just need help on how to survive until they break up. Any help?

[Wakeup]

You introduced them a Church? Maybe you ought to ask the guy that leads your congregation for some pointers on this? Hopefully he'll talk you into not putting your life on hold for someone who really doesn't want to be with you.

You can do better, son.

[Dykens]

My life isn't on hold per se. I'm just afraid for her. You know, I opted out of going to West Point so I could stick around for her; it's not like she's suddenly not important to me.

[pcmaster]

I see you are taking heavy damage here. You need to look at things from different point of view.

loveforum.net/the-relationship-news-and-articles/85672-guide-deal-breakup.html

Check also the good videos I looked up for you

Real social dynamics - Julien
youtube.com/watch?v=GdnYedTpToA

youtube.com/watch?v=KriZHsiiYPg

How to deal with a bad breakup
youtube.com/watch?v=K8Exlo4E5v8


What more can you do is visit psihotherapist or get counseling for you problem. Talking with someone proffesional or friend will help. You have to let this out of your system and get advice in real world. So it will be more effective help for you.

I suggest you visit gym. The sport is good medicine as well.

[Dykens]

Well, I've been trying to get it out, but it's really real what I'm feeling. Every second they're together, I'm flooded with fear for her because he's using her. I'm not making it up; a week in, he was texting a friend of mine extremely romantically. He stopped once my ex found out, but instead of dropping him like the lead turd he is, she bought a lie that he sold her... I'm so afraid for her, but I can't even express that any more. I have to pretend that I don't care, so I don't look like a psychotic ex who is out to ruin her life, but... It's so hard knowing that someone you love is going to get hurt and being unable to save her/him.

[basilandthyme]

Yes, it's extraordinarily hard watching someone we love making decisions which are going to eventuate in a really bad outcome for them. Just ask any parent.

Thing is though, there are very few of us who don't make a few really bad decisions during our lives - and the end result of these decisions is that they add to us. We learn and grow and discover our resilience

We can't spend our time worrying about the choices another person is making. We need to let go and let them live and learn. Yes, she'll probably get burned, but this is all part of life and learning. If you were able to remove her from this situation, you would be taking a very important learning experience away from her.

In the meantime, if it becomes just too much for you to bear, walk away. I'm being serious.

[Dykens]

That's another problem. Everytime I try to just go and live my life, she does something to drag me back in. First, when I was just gonna let her go, she came to church with him the next day (that doesn't seem like a big deal, but neither of them came consistently and they haven't come since). Then, when I made peace with her again, she made me talk to him. I couldn't freaking handle it because I knew he was texting another girl romantically, and that anger turned into an outburst, making me look like a nut. Now, I've made peace with both of them and am trying to avoid them both. However, she keeps walking into my classroom for no reason, she keeps throwing her trash away at the can next to my table at lunch instead of the one she sits closest to, and she hangs around the corner where the bathroom is every day at the time I use it. I don't understand what she's doing; she won (in her mind), so what is she trying to accomplish?

[pcmaster]

In order to save her you have to save yourself.

What you should do is push yourself hard and engage with other girls in any way. It will give you a break from it all. I mean good way to forget ex is a new girl. Did you checked my videos? They are pretty useful. I think girl is just attention whore and wants to get your attention because she need approval to feel confident since her confidence is not high without the attention from other people.

[Dykens]

You guys have been helpful. Her friends are starting to she his true colors, and they don't like them. Sadly, he's got more power over her than she ever had over me. She's pushing away all the people who really care about her, and the harder she pushes, the closer she'll come to realizing that it's not worth it... Meanwhile, I'm living life happily because I don't have any real enemies anymore. The part of him that was my friend was just an act, and I see it now... She'll see it soon enough. One day, she'll come back, and we can be friends again, but she's not worth my attention until she stops acting like a psycho... I pity her, but I can't save her. Neither can her friends, who she was once inseparable from. No, the only person who can help her is herself... It's just too bad that she's hurting all the people who care about her in the process. I'm not gonna lie; I'm probably not gonna move on. I never really liked the notion of dating, but she was my one exception. I'm not willing to feel this pain again. Still, I can live happily now, and I want to thank you all for your help.

[pcmaster]

You welcome man. Good that you seem detached from it now. Its funny how you say that you wont move on. You still are young and will get over it completely. Just the problem with first relationship is that you put too much heart in it. Next time you will be cooler and will love a girl not like a parent who really cares abolut her but more like a lover enjoying more the process. The best is still ahead of you.

[Dykens]

I know it sounds ridiculous, but trust me, pcmaster, I'm the enemy of romantic relationships. I've hated the concept of being in one for a long time. I'm happy to advise others and support their choices, but I'm not getting involved. This girl was the only one I was willing to break my rules for, and if this is what doing that gets me, I'd just as soon walk the world alone.