Me, the ex-Girlfriend and her Boyfriend

[Rase]

Apologies for the super long post.

I'm in a confusing place and need some clarity so hopefully somebody can provide it.

I was with my ex-girlfriend for around 9 months. We had quite an intense relationship where we'd phone each other every morning, every evening (and in between when we could), meeting around 3-4 times a week, travelling to places, going gigs, festivals, basically everywhere. We shared the same passion for discovering new things. I loved being around her; we were in love with.

She was around 9 years younger than me. I was 33 and she 24. The age gap wasn't as issue. Actually it was at times.

Six months into the relationship my feelings started to die down. I felt her change and my gut was telling me that she was not being honest with me. She wouldn't mess me around but I felt a little strange when she'd talk to her male friends. I've had girlfriends in the past who have had males friends and I never had an issue with it, never. But with my recent ex I did. Hmmm. I just felt she wasn't being completely open with me.

Come 9th month, we split. We were breaking before that anyway.

Cut a long story short, we didn't speak for around a year and then we by pure coincidence bumped into each other in town. I was completely over her at this stage (so I thought). We went for a coffee and she told me she was with someone and had been for around 5 months. It was so nice to see her and hear her voice again. We left and I started feeling something for her. I couldn't stop thinking about her the rest of the day. Why? Was it because she stirred up feelings again? Or was it because she was with someone else?

We started to text a bit, reminiscing about things we had seen and experienced as a couple. Her boyfriend found out and blocked me on her phone so that was that.
We didn't speak again until a month later when she unblocked me and asked to meet. She wanted to go to the Natural History Museum; a place we used to go to when together. I agreed but then she cancelled, maybe she felt the guilt of meeting me without telling her boyfriend, lying to him. We text for a few days again until I was blocked yet again.
Fast forward to a month ago, she calls me again. Texting starts again. We now talk during 2 nights consecutively. I asked why she keeps calling , 'because i care about you and I want to see how you are', she says. 'We share the same interests and you make me laugh. My boyfriend doesn't do that' she admits.
Then she asks why we split up. And confesseses that she misses me and wants to kiss me!
I ask if she wants to be with her boyfriend and she says she does. He's right for her, things are good between them etc. Clearly they are when she's telling her ex she wants to kiss him.
I think I have feelings for her but I'm not sure.
We met up a few days ago without her boyfriend knowing. I feel sorry for him. I should've been stronger and not met her but I wanted to.

Someone help and dicepher this for me.

What is going on and what should I do?

[26mai]

Hei there, it's a messy situation, but I understand what you are going through. I've been there myself a while ago, in your shoes, I would say. It's really hard to know what to do when you get these mixed signals. You should try to have a honest conversation and see if you really miss each other and seriously consider a relationship.

She seems completely undecided, and from my experience that is both good and bad. It's good because it means you might have a chance with her - if you want to get her back. But it's also bad, because some people can never make up their mind.. And it's very painful to be on their "waiting list".

I have a question for you: what would you like to happen? Think about that and if that's what makes you happy, try to get there

[Rase]

Hei there, it's a messy situation, but I understand what you are going through. I've been there myself a while ago, in your shoes, I would say. It's really hard to know what to do when you get these mixed signals. You should try to have a honest conversation and see if you really miss each other and seriously consider a relationship.

She seems completely undecided, and from my experience that is both good and bad. It's good because it means you might have a chance with her - if you want to get her back. But it's also bad, because some people can never make up their mind.. And it's very painful to be on their "waiting list".

I have a question for you: what would you like to happen? Think about that and if that's what makes you happy, try to get there

Hey there

Thanks for responding.

She has said countless times that she will never have what we did. Always saying she will always love me. Sorry, I sound a little pathetic and weak 😁

Nothing happened for us to break. I just lost feelings for her.

I guess I do want to be with her. She make me happy. We have fun together.

Then there's the thing of if she's talking to me without her boyf knowing, what's to stop her doing that to me later?

[26mai]

My advice is to try to figure out what made you lose your feelings for her in the first place. Why should it be different this time?