He is in touch with his ex girlfriend, should I cut him off?

[clairere]

I have no idea how to go on with this. I have been dating a guy for only a month now and it's been going good so far, it's just a month but we've been seeing each other a lot. We have been on dates, we have gone shopping together, he bought me a tiny gift and he's invited me to hang out with his friends many times who by the way is super nice to me. His close friend told me how he likes me and get nervous around me which is unusual for him, she said that he is a great guy. Of all sudden he is in contact with his ex girlfriend? She doesn't even live her but she's coming over just for this summer. They were never in a relationship but they had something. I thought they were just friends now but clearly not when I took a look at her profile picture on facebook and saw that they had been sending each other kiss smileys open for everyone to see except that he hide this from his timeline but I found out anyway. I knew that they were sending snapchats but it didn't bother me since he's been posting love pictures of us which she has seen, he said she got sad when she saw it. He has made jokes that she is his girlfriend and now I see a tiny truth in it. I was with him when he wrote that he wanted someone to come over now and when I asked who it was he said it was just a friend but it was her. She just got out of a relationship by the way. I don't like this. He has been complaining how he always has to text first and make plans and how he wants me to start doing so I've been told that I should step up and this was probably why he started talking to an ex. I haven't heard from him in four days at the same time he hasn't heard anything from me but now I don't want to text him.. This came as a shock to me because usually you can tell when someone isn't over their ex but he hasn't expressed any type of remorse about her or something like that. I feel hurt and I don't know what to do? Show him that I'm more interested hoping that I will get him ''back'' or just cut him off?

[basilandthyme]

I think a lot of people over react about exes, but this is not one of those times. This is shady. Especially given the sharing of kiss smileys and calling her his girlfriend.

If you decide to proceed, do so with extreme caution. Watch and observer quietly and make your own decision without discussing it with him. The reason I say to not discuss it is because he could well try to persuade you that something is nothing. You need to trust your gut and evidence - not his words.

[Starnique]

Ex girlfriends are off limits. Period.

Just because you fell off with texting him doesn't excuse his shady behavior. Be very straight forward about it. Tell him what you told us. You don't like it. It makes you uncomfortable and he can either stop or he will be cut off.

Good luck.

[TheEvilJester]

As a standard rule, your exes are your exes for a reason. Very rarely is there any reason to keep in touch with them, and I can't imagine why you'd typically even want to anyway. I'm a little confused about their actual status in the past, though. On the one hand you are saying she isn't really his ex and on the other hand you are saying she is. Either they were together as boyfriend and girlfriend before or they weren't. If they were never together, then she's not his ex.

Bottom line, though, the others are right. If he is pursuing a relationship with you, then it certainly isn't okay to be sending kissy-face messages to ANY other girl, much less one with whom he has a history. It is also not okay to be calling her his girlfriend. I mean, mind you it doesn't necessarily sound like you two have defined your relationship yet. Even so, he is definitely not acting like somebody who is "just dating" you. When you are just in the early dating stages, you don't see somebody as often as you have, introduce them to your friends and hang out as a group, etc.

So, yeah, I'd kind of lean towards saying you move on. Still, if you so desire, maybe you still give him a chance. If you do, though, definitely do so with caution. You are not somebody's consolation prize, you should be their grand prize. If he treats you like an option rather than a priority, then you don't need him.

On a side note, I do agree that both sides of a relationship should show the same level of interest. It shouldn't always have to be the guy making the move to set up plans or reach out first. At the same time, though, it's also no excuse for his behavior. Let's even pretend for a moment that you never made the effort and he felt he always had to be the one to show interest. I don't get the sense that was the case, but for the sake of argument, let's pretend it was. That still doesn't excuse his actions. IF that were the case, he should still be a man and just talk to you about it, and be honest. There is no excuse to go around flirting with some other woman, and the fact that he is apparently so blatantly about it right to your face almost makes me wonder if it is just some childish game to him.

Good luck to you either way.

[clairere]

Really great advice.
I didn't know what to call her so I said ex but maybe an old flame would've been better, not boyfriend and girlfriend.
We're not in a relationship we have only been seeing each other for a month. I was surprised how often he wanted to start seeing me right away and how early I got to meet his friends. The fact that he always has to be the one to show interest is true if it counts that he always texts me and if he doesn't we don't talk. He always make the plans and does more for me than I do to him but if I were moving in his pace then we would be going too fast I think and I want to be careful as I move forward. But you're right this isn't an excuse to be sending kisses to old flames although he does that to his friends too but she is a girl.. He has told me that he thinks he always has to start intiate contact a couple of times now and no I haven't really done anything about it. Right now mostly because of what he did.
Hopefully this isn't a game for him, I am going insane trying to figure it out!

[TheEvilJester]

You know, you've been going out for a month. I think that is too soon for him to be feeling like he always has to reach out first. Especially considering most relationships that have only been going for a month wouldn't have already progressed as much as it seems he is acting as though yours has. I think you are kind of right that he seems to perhaps be moving a bit too fast. As long as that doesn't continue to be the case, there is nothing wrong with that initially. I mean, it isn't like he's already proposed marriage. :-P

It's good that he's excited to see you/talk to you. It's just that it is too soon for him to already be developing the opinion that he has to always be the one to reach out first. He needs to slow down a bit and LET you be the first to reach out sometimes. It sounds more like he's not even giving you the chance. Now that he finally IS, it's too late because he already made you second guess wanting to anyway with his childish actions.

So, it is your judgment call, I guess. Sounds like somebody you don't need in your life, but that could just be me being cynical. Either way, good luck to you.

[smackie9]

You can either A) ask him about it, and have an adult conversation to sort it out and stop assuming things, or B) stop seeing him.

[lovebroken]

He might still be in love so ask him if he is or if he still has strong feelings or even lust for her. Will he be honest, most likely no if he worries being honest will cost him you, but even if he isn't read his facial expressions when you ask, that might be enough of a tell to show you the truth and then decide if you want a guy still hung up on his ex.

[Sarcasticshoe]

He's being shady. Cut him off (at least until he grows a pair)

[smackie9]

Old thread....the OP is long gone.

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[TheEvilJester]

Old thread....the OP is long gone.

The OP is dead?!?!?! Wow. That's a shame. Guess our advise will all be for nothi..... Oh, you meant gone from the board. ....Right. Well.... our advise is probably still all for nothing, then.