Only Time will tell...

[Shadow_Blaze]

I won't tell you my last name or my age, but I ask you to listen to my story.

I met a guy on the internet. I know that's a bad way to start a relationship but, I did it anyways. I was talking in a chatroom just talking with this guy, I didn't even ask his name until halfay through the conversation. I won't give you his name but I'll call him "T". We started out as just friends. Everything was great. T lives in Pakistan, and I live in canada. He's 6 years older than me, but that didn't bother me. (Yes T is Pakistani and I have no problems with that) A couple weeks after he and I were friends well, I got my first e-mail from him, while talking with him. I even know what day it was, it was May 27th. Well anyways, he sent me an e-card and well it basically said that he loved me. I was surprised, I'll tell you this, I've never really had a boyfriend, and well I never ever loved any guy except my dad.

Well I can say, I didn't say I love you back. We started going out over the net *sigh* and two weeks later I told him I loved him, and I was sure of it. The first month was great, but then around the second, we became closer, but T wasn't taking well to the seperation. We got into fights over nothing and well I spent a lot of time crying.

Last month, we had a major fight and well we seperated. Everything in my life suffered from my depression, and I mean everything, even my cat. Two weeks later we kinda got back together, but things just haven't been the same, he jokes around and everything like he did in the first month, but it was just hollow. I know he loves me, he still says it, but *sigh* something's diffrent.

Tomarrow it will be four months since he said he loved me. I wish I could just fly over to Pakistan and be with him, but I don't have the money. He can't even tell me how much he really feels because he's not perfect in English and I'm terrible in Urdu. My friends hae told me to leave him, it's just a net fling, but it's not. I've believed in true love since I was 4, and now that I found it, I can't have it. I'm terrified of losing him, but I am helpless. I can tell you I'll never marry anyone else, T may not be perfect, but he was perfect for me. All I have left to do is sit and wait, and watch our relationship die. I know he'll move on, marry some other girl, and people keep telling me that I'll move on, but in truth, my heart will never move on. When I was four, I knew I'd never get to have the one thing I ever wanted, and now I'm losing it. They say it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all, but for me, only time will tell.

Melanie

[jane]

your story is having a familar ring to it. I know exactly how you must feel. Being far away from someone that you have feelings for isn't fun. Can I ask you a question? How did you know your were in love with him if you never actually talked to him face to face?

[LINEBACKER _2]

I suppose that depends how often you think about that person, what you feel for that person. And I also suppose it depends on your perception of love...

LINEBACKER 2

[jane]

I think it is hard for me to wrap my head around being in love with someone on the internet, i think because I am such a physical person that maybe I just need to see and feel the other person. Love is something that cannot be explained. Percepetion is only one aspect of it.

[LINEBACKER _2]

Oh for sure. But it's easy to get attached to someone. There are no barriers. I'm a total physical person. Something I'm lacking in right now is the physical touch. Damn.

LINEBACKER 2

[Shadow_Blaze]

Well, it's just a feeling. *sigh* and feelings for me are the hardest thing to explain. The worst thing is now that he hasn't been online and isn't replying my e-mails and......I lost his cell phone number. *sigh* So I'm worried to death because this isn't like him....but I'm helpless.....I'd love to just fly over there and see for myself...but I can't.

Yeah Jane, well I could just tell, I've never felt that way about anyone in my life. *sigh* It's really hard to explain.


Shadow

[Shadow_Blaze]

I forgot to mention something very important........I've had a hate of guys all my life....that's one of the hints...I just can't hate him.

[jane]

Good point.. Thank you for sharing your story... Keep me posted !
My email is jane197231@yahoo.. I could use some advice...