Married woman flirting with my bf?

[loner123]

I don't know if I'm being paranoid or how I'm feeling is justified but a woman from my boyfriends work seems to be crossing the line too much for my liking.
She's about 42 and has children and a 'husband' but she seems to be a bit of a loose woman to me. She's been texting my boyfriend who is my age (31) and just general chat about getting drunk, At one point she text him two nights in a row around 11pm and I asked him who was texting and he told me it's the woman from work and I said "does she fancy you or something?" He replied "no! she's married, she's just a bit of a drinker like me so we always have a laugh about it" anyway I got annoyed and decided to check the text messages out, don't get me wrong, I trust my boyfriend, it's her I don't trust....so what I read was that she's been The next evening she's asking him what he's drinking and they both say they're on beer and my boyfriend says he's on his 1st but has more in the fridge and she has the cheek to say "party at yours? Haha" she doesn't seem to have any respect for my existence at all. She then goes on to say she's on her third glass and my boyfriend goes "me too!" And she says "oh we are so alike" - what does she mean by this?!

The next evening she's asking him what drink he's on and then she goes "you will have to come to mine one night and we can see who can drink the most" he replied with "count me in!" Then she said so when shall we
arrange it? To which my boyfriend didn't reply and then she texts him another evening going on about how much fun it was at the works do and then she has the cheek to ask him round on Saturday evening to hers for a few drinks!! My boyfriend ignored it and we spent the evening together but now I'm getting very very worried about what she's after, I'm worried he will arrange a night at hers to get drunk and I don't trust her at all what if she makes a move on him? Do I have a right to ask to be invited? I have noticed online she hasn't liked any of our couple photos but seems to like ones of just him. She's not attractive, she's quite common and I'm very attractive and young looking. Obviously I'm not to know what's been said in these texts, so what should I do?

[Wakeup]

Text her back and ask for her "husbands" telephone number so you and he can have fun with one another behind your boyfriend and her husbands back.

Failing that, tell your boyfriend that his interaction with this woman is inappropriate and to cut it the fk out.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with Wakeup. Maybe it started off as being somewhat innocent. At least from the little you have seen of your boyfriend's side of the conversation, it would seem maybe it was in his mind. His side of the conversation seems innocent enough, though I would say he should never necessarily have even encouraged the talk about getting together to drink. He did say "count me in," but that could just have been him believing he was playing along with the joke. You noticed that, when she actually tried to make real plans, he didn't respond. (On a side note, I'm not sure simply ignoring her message was the right action for him to take, but that is somewhat off topic.)

Bottom line, she's now made it obvious she is not just kidding and actually does want to get together with him. Maybe she means it 100% innocently as friends just to drink, but how are you to know and trust that when you don't know or trust her? Is she aware he has a girlfriend? Because this is certainly crossing a line.

Your boyfriend should nip it in the bud before it goes any further. For now, I'd recommend talking to him about it, but try at first not to turn it into an argument or be accusatory or anything. Just a very civil conversation explaining that you trust him, but you don't necessarily know her and are not comfortable with that kind of talk between them, or with them making plans like that.

IF it is 100% innocent, then that should be no problem to him, nor should it be a problem to her. Good luck.

[woody]

^they called it.

BF needs to buck up and tell her to back off. This lack of respect she shows towards you isn't all on her. He's doing it too. If he can't figure it out, smarten him up to it.
The last thing he needs is a flippin drinking buddy. Especially some broad from work.

We protect the one we love. Your BF may think of her as non threatening but if your not happy with her presence in both of your lives, he ought do the right thing and politely ask her to knock it off.... and if she continues, do what Wakeup suggested. Text her and ask her for her husbands info.

[loner123]

Thank you for your replies. Thing is he doesn't know I've looked through his phone at the texts, I'm ashamed in doing so and it shows a lack of trust on my part, so I definitely don't want to admit to this. The only thing he knows I know is that she has been texting him, when I asked him who it was and if she fancies him. I'm worried he will get invited to hers and he will tell me she's throwing a party or get together, what should I do then? That's the only time I can say anything really because to my knowledge (to him) I don't know anything else. Do I have a right to ask to be invited along?

- - - Updated - - -

Just to add, she is fully aware that he has a girlfriend, he talks about me at work to everyone and I'm on his profile online in pictures and eveything.

[woody]

Hey, Just tell him your uncomfortable with the amount she texts. No need for details. Just your not feeling comfy with it. Spidey senses on high alert for some reason and you cannot shake it. You trust him but there's just something about the amount she texts.

She's not being respectful towards your presence in his life. So, what's he going to do about it?

[Wakeup]

I never understood why people have a need to be a snooper but won't disclose what they found out when they snooped. Your reputation is more important to you then getting to the bottom of what appears to be inappropriate interaction between you and a female co-worker.

You're foolish to not tell him what you did and why you did it.... because his actions were suspect and shady and so you wondered what the fvck her was hiding.

[dontaskme]

You really need to stop blaming the girl here. Your BF is as guilty as her and if he put her in her place to begin with, meaning, he told her to stop texting and flirting him because not only is she married, but he's taken as well, then there will be no reason for you to be suspicious of him.

For fukcs sake, just tell him what you did, why you did it, and what you found out and settle this with him once and for all. Otherwise, you will not get to the bottom of this and neither she or he will stop their unacceptable behavior towards you and her husband!

[Wakeup]

I'm re-posting this because after re-reading what I wrote earlier, I used a few "her" instead of "He's" and needed to clarify.

OP: I never understood why people have a need to be a snooper but won't disclose what they found out when they snooped. Your reputation is more important to you then getting to the bottom of what appears to be inappropriate interaction between your husband and a female co-worker?

You're foolish to not tell him what you did and why you did it.... because his actions were suspect and shady and so you wondered what the fvck he was hiding.

[Starnique]

Who cares if he knows? You thought he was being shady. You looked and was right. At this point, he doesn't even have an argument. Wakeup is right, you need to tell him to cut it the **** out. Would he be okay with you texting another guy like this? Its very inappropriate and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that she wants him. Get drunk so they can ****.... This lady is out of order.

Tell him you don't like it and to stop it. It makes you uncomfortable, as it should. He should understand and respect that and stop.

[woody]

Loner,
I'm not here to place judgement on whether you tell him you looked at the texts or not. You know his likely reaction more than any one else would. Follow your gut on that.
but I do hope you told him your uncomfortable with the amount this person contacts him and I hope he did right by you and told her to knock it off as well as see the error of his own ways regarding this.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I'm not 100% sure where I sit on the topic of whether to tell him what you found or not. Though, I must say I am definitely leaning towards saying you should, and Wakeup very much illustrates a good point that is why I'm leaning that way. That is, why would you bother to snoop in the first place if you then aren't going to do anything to confront him about it?

I would also agree that the frequency in which they text was suspect enough in and of itself. So, I agree that you had a good reason to be suspicious, and he should have been upfront with you from the start about the content of those messages. You shouldn't have HAD to snoop to find this all out. I guess I can see the argument that he should be able to trust you not to snoop through his things, but at the same time, it isn't like you broke into his locked closet, or hacked into a password protected computer or something like that. Not to mention, he shouldn't necessarily have anything to hide from you anyway, so why should it matter if you did look at his phone?