She stated that she would like to go out some time. But once I asked her, she said no

[bi a op]

My female co-worker and I (we're both 20) have been hitting it off pretty nicely the last month. Good conversations, flirting and so on. We had a good time at a party 2 weeks ago and she seemed very into me (no sex though, just to be clear). Later that week I made it very clear that I liked her, she made it very unclear what the heck she was thinking, she's ahrd to read I guess. But I think she liked me.

This weekend I called her after I came home from a club (barely even drunk though) and I asked her out. She replied "No, I'm busy tomorrow, sooo..... But if you ask me again some other time I'll say yes." To me that sounds like she wants me to ask again while I'm sober, otherwise she'd suggest another date. So I grew a pair and asked her today, at work. She just made a long, not-so-legit excuse about how she was busy the whole week. Obvious rejection right there...

I probably won't do much after this, I threw the ball, I did my part. It's her move if she wants something. But what do you guys think? Is she having cold feet or did she realize I'm a little shit nerd and she changed her mind completely over the course of 2 days?

TL;DR Female co-worker stated that she would go out some time. But she said no once I asked her (ouch). Is she having cold feet or did she change her mind?

[SuperHappyTime1]

Good conversations, flirting and so on. We had a good time at a party 2 weeks ago and she seemed very into me (no sex though, just to be clear). Later that week I made it very clear that I liked her, she made it very unclear what the heck she was thinking, she's hard to read I guess. But I think she liked me.

Us nerds tend to mistake general friendliness with romantic interest (mostly because we don't interact with females that often).
I can tell you from her reactions that she doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. Or at least currently! She may change her mind later when she realizes how great a person you are.
Right now, move on. Stay friendly, but start looking elsewhere.

[Cerby]

Screw it, rejection happens, so take it for what it is and move on. You WILL find someone worth dating, and who wants to date you, just don't give up, and don't get down on yourself.

[TheEvilJester]

Us nerds tend to mistake general friendliness with romantic interest (mostly because we don't interact with females that often).

Yes, we definitely do that. Here's the thing, though... "general friendliness" does not include saying "But if you ask me again some other time I'll say yes." That is very directly implying "Ask me again another time." If she had no interest, why would she specifically encourage him to ask again? The only possible answers to that question are very unflattering, and not the type of person I'd want in my life at all.

Bottom line, no matter what her reasons are, it isn't right of her to toy with you like that. Granted, if she wasn't interested, that is okay. Her loss for not giving you a chance, but if she's not into you like that, she's not into you like that. However, IF that were the case, she should have just said no thank you, left it at that, and hoped that you did not ask again. She specifically said to ask her again. Why the Hell would you not? So, you asked again and she still gave you BS excuses and basically gave you the run-around.

Heck, let's even pretend for a second she IS interested, but has just been busy. She could suggest alternate plans instead of just saying no. So, the way I honestly see it, it almost doesn't really matter what her mind set is here. Either way, you've tried twice and it was a no-go for her. I say move on and look for somebody else. IF she has interest in you, then it should be her job to ask you now since you've asked twice only for her to say no.

I will say this. I lean towards thinking she probably does not have interest. If she did, she'd make the effort to go out with you. She could just be an adult and tell you that rather than leading you on. Don't waste your time on her. She isn't worth it. Find yourself a gal who will be happy to go out with you.

Good luck.

[bi a op]

That's an excellent reply. Thank you, much appreciated.

[bi a op]

I tend to subconsciously justify my crush's bad actions even though I know they're bad. I know it was kinda BS of her to "toy" with me like that. But a bigger part of me tries to ignore that fact and I start looking elsewhere for clues that tells me she's still into me. It really helps when other people tells me exactly what I should be thinking. My friends have told me pretty much what you guys have said. The more people that told me this the more I stopped justifying her actions and I started thinking more rationally. I guess this is why it always helps to talk about these things.

Thank all very much. Have a nice summer.

[TheEvilJester]

I know exactly what you mean. I think we're all guilty of this at some point in our lives. We are into somebody, so we really really want to believe they feel the same way. It can be hard not to ignore things that should cause you to stop and think twice. You almost sort of try to convince yourself you are over-reacting because you really want to believe there could be a chance.

The fact is, though, if somebody is interested in spending time with you, they will make a sincere effort to do so. A true friend, or somebody truly interested in going out with you, wouldn't cause you to feel like you practically have to convince them you are worth their time. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes people ARE just very busy. But, there is a difference between somebody who keeps putting you off but sincerely does want to make time for you and somebody who keeps putting you off because they are too much of a coward to just say no thank you once and for all.

To be honest, even if it turned out she IS into you, I'm really not so sure I'd say you should give her that chance anymore anyway. Who wants to be with somebody who can barely ever make time for them?

You are on the right track, too. Sometimes it helps to have a bunch of people to point that out to you so you can finally start to see it yourself.

Good luck to you.