I think I ruined a wonderful friendship...

[Joanna_L]

Basically me and Lisa have been friends since we were like,8.
we always see each other because we're both born into Christian families and we pray together on Sundays and go to Church camps etc and it's great.
but recently, shes become depressed.
like really depressed and negative.

since leaving school and going to college, she's changed in a bad way.
although she's always been shy and a little awkward and somewhat dorky,
she used to be optimistic and happy and REALLY funny. and nice to be around.

her mum said that she didn't fit in and was bullied or something and had some kind of anxiety attack in class.
she hasn't gone back to college since and she is now depressed,scared,miserble and sort of traumatised!

she sees a shrink about her depression and anxiety.
she just doesnt believe shes worth anything and has no hopes for the future and just hates herself.
which is so sad..

Anywayy,so we still hung out regulary like every month we'd go see a movie or shop.

one day we went to the mall to see a movie, and she was extra sombre and kept wanting to "just sit down" instead of like,
checking out a store or something.
and she talked about how she felt like nobody cares and stuff and nobody understands and how her mum doesnt get it and stuff.
I SERIOUSLY think I did the wrong thing because instead of comforting her I just didnt know how to react so I was just trying
to lighten the mood and be cheerful and I was like hey you're gonna be fine lets just go get ice cream!

I think I should of actually sat and listened to her and stuff!
And I was even like,hey lets take silly pictures in that photobooth! (lol!)
I think that was the LAST thing she wanted!
she was like no I don't want to!
and then she said she's leaving cause her head hurts.

she said she doesn't want any friends or doesnt want to talk to me or something along those lines as she left.
she also said something like she doesn't understand why anyone would want to be her friend.

she hasn't spoken to me at ALL since and it's been about 7 months!!(that was Christmas!)


I miss her so much and just want to get her back...please give me some advise!

[smackie9]

Unfortunately mental illness is tough on relationships. My mother is manic/OCD so I speak from experience, it doesn't matter what you do or say, the illness will have a negative affect....so you did nothing wrong, it wouldn't have mattered if you did things differently with your friend.

She needs to be reassessed by another doctor. Not all therapist are the same, and sometimes one needs specific therapy. If she is still suffering, her isn't receiving the right therapy. This responsibility falls onto her family or herself.

Do you know of who or what kind of therapy she is getting??

[Rebeccaa]

Don't blame yourself, if your relationship was always light hearted that's the way you would normally expect to react, it's only on reflection that you can see that she really needed a serious talk and not to be cheered up.
I would persevere with trying to contact her. Have you tried just going and knocking on her door? She will really know then that you really want to help and to listen and be a friend and that you do value her friendship. It's okay to say all of that to her too. I would really recommend going to her house if that is something you are able to do. The 7 month time gap, may make it a little harder but it is worth it and it is obviously troubling you.

[Joanna_L]

Thank you smackie9 & Rebeccaa.
I feel better knowing that I can't really be blamed,
I didn't know how to react but I guess not many people would know either.

I hope she's getting better..
I don't know what kind of therapy she's getting..

I think I'm going to send her a nice letter
to show her I care.
and I'll give her a call. (after the letter)

[Nicolelong]

As someone that has struggled with depression and anxiety, her actions really speak to me. It is SO hard, if not impossible, to express how it feels to have depression. You feel hopeless, hurt, useless, and that no one cares or understands. You feel like no one wants to be around you and nothing will get better. It's absolutely horrible. I know you were doing what you thought would help her, even if it didn't work. You wouldn't have known any better, and that's okay. Unfortunately, you can't just turn off depression and be that happy person again just because you want to.

I agree that she needs to see another therapist or doctor, because if she is still struggling this much after so much time, they are clearly not as effective as they should be.

I think it is very kind of you to still be thinking of her and missing your friendship. It might be hard to understand, but she needs you now more than ever. Simply knowing that someone has your back and isn't going to give up on you is a HUGE thing for someone struggling with mental illness.

I would most definitely talk to her and let her know how much you miss her, and that you are there for her no matter what. I know from my own experience, it was very hard for me at times to go out publicly and deal with people, but I was usually down for a quiet night of movies, reality TV, and home cooking :-)