First girlfriend broke up with me to focus on university and her future

[xiomn]

Hello everyone. My girlfriend of 10 months broke up with me 2 days ago. I met her on Facebook while meeting new people before university started again.. we talked for a while over Facebook before starting university and grown a liking to each other. We decided that once we move out to start university we would become in an official relationship. I already had a place to live at the time before starting, however when we first met I prompted her as to where she would be living for university, she said she didn't have a place yet despite university starting within the next 2 weeks or so.

I brought up the fact that one of my to be flatmates had in fact cancelled her contract before it started and decided to live elsewhere and that she was looking for someone else to take up her contract. This was me trying to be helpful as being so close to the start of university she found out that there was not any places left at university halls. She eventually took on this contract for herself and we moved in together in student halls, and so our relationship officially began when we first met face to face on move in date. My bedroom practically became a spare room of sorts for the first 3 and a half months as we practically lived in the same room together. After 3 months of living together in the same room which you could call the "honeymoon period" of when a couple first gets together.. we decided to start sleeping in our rooms.

Within the first few months of getting together she was bringing up the idea of possibly getting married, having kids and moving in together just me and her in our own flat. The only thing I agreed with from that list was that we should move into a flat together for next year (at which point we would have already been together for over a year before moving in together, just us) The other two, having kids and getting married i took the position was a bit crazy and she was moving too fast, which she didn't like and it was the cause of many arguments over the course of our relationship. I was of the opinion that I didn't want to get married or think about having kids until after university when I'm settled and have a stable job, a home to support a family. Despite this, we loved each other and we eventually solved the issue somewhat and we hadn't spoken about any of it months prior to our breakup.

Eventually her tenancy contract ended before mine did, so she had to go back home to live with her parents for the summer because she didn't have enough money to extent her contract so we could continue living with each other over the summer holidays. Her home isn't that far, it is about no more than just over 1 hour max if I wanted to visit. However, we didn't see each other for 3 weeks. Then recently she sent a message to me over Facebook saying she doesn't want me to move into the new flat we had been planning on moving in together since way back last year.. we were set to move into the new flat this upcoming November. She said the reason was because she wanted to be alone by herself and turn the room i was supposed to move into, into a sort of work room or 'writers room' (because she is an aspiring writer).

I was very upset over this since I had been looking to move in with her into our own flat just me and her since last year. She also came out and said she doesn't want a relationship anymore while at university, that she wants to concentrate on herself, her studies, getting good grades and maturing herself and felt that being in a relationship would stress her out too much and distract her. I tried to persuade her that I had no intention to, nor did i desire or want to distract her in any way from her studies.. that in fact if she needed me I would be there to help her, not impinge on her ability to get what and where she wants to go in life. She made it seem like having a relationship at university was an impossible feat and she reiterated that she needs some space and time to herself for her next three years at university. She gave the impression that she would be studying non-stop 24/7 every minute of every day without any social life at all which isn't healthy and sounds ridiculous.

Three years is a long time to wait however, I tried again to persuade her that all she needs to do is ask me to give her some time and space if she needs it and I would give it to her, but there was no need to take drastic measures and end the relationship over this.. and that I would be happy if I were only to see her once a week or even once every few weeks to let her focus on what she needs to do without any distractions, because I would be happy knowing that we were still together despite this. However, again she was having none of it and my attempts to try and persuade her and say we could work things out in a mature manner just made her more angry at me. Having saw this, I gave up and told her that I hope she finds what she is looking for and gets to where she wants to be, she replied to me with a simple Thank you.. and then proceeded to remove me as a friend on Facebook and block me altogether, because I had annoyed her so much by continually messaging her trying to persuade her.

She was very adamant in saying that it was nothing to do with me, despite me knowing I have hurt her sometimes during the relationship and i apologized for it and that I didn't mean to, and told her that I loved her wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, that at first i was scared of committing myself to her at first but that she has made me realize just how much I love her and now I am willing to commit. Again she did not budge. She was also very adamant in saying that she was not using this a way to put me down lightly and that she had no intention of being in any sort of romantic relationship at all for her next three years at university as she just wants to focus on herself and her studies. She said that i could ask her friend whom she has apparently talked to this about on numerous occasions in the past to testify all of this. I messaged her friend and she just reiterated that she wants some space to concentrate on her studies and so forth which I have already said above.

I want to respect her decision and give her space and time.. but at the same I feel like this is sort of irrational and that we could of easily worked this out in some form or another and there was no need to end the relationship over this. I thought it was such a weird time to go about doing this too because it's the summer holidays and i thought this would have been the perfect time to try and re-kindle our relationship. I find it hard to believe that the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with since not long ago wanted to marry me, have kids with me, move in together with me and now all of that has been thrown in the bin all of a sudden. I also find it a bit peculiar because she is about to go into her first year of university (she was originally in her foundation year) and her grades don't even count towards her overall degree classification at all during first year. I'm also about to go into my third and most important and probably hardest year of university and i would not have it any other way than for her to be by my side.

I need some advice and what I should do

I can't get over the fact that I feel like I've been thrown to the curb unnecessarily.

If she genuinely needed time to focus on university and her studies and her writing as she wants to become a writer in the future then I feel like we could of worked something out together and she didn't have to end the relationship over this..we could of worked something out like only seeing each other once every few weeks or when she wanted to at a time when she is not so busy.

She says she wants to focus on university 100% and a relationship would just be a distraction I feel like that is BS despite how genuine she is being that she says she has been talking to a friend about this for a while now to which she testified.

If she really loves me , even a little bit deep down she would have tried at least to make things work. I'm going into my last and hardest part of university and you don't see me crumbling and asking her for a break to focus on my studies and her grades don't even count towards her degree in the stage she's about to enter so it isn't even much pressure on her to begin with anyway.

Not only that but I'm sure many people have went through university in a relationship before and succeeded, there is no doubt about that and even now there are multiple people in my classes that are in a relationship together in their last and hardest year of university yet my now ex is unwilling to try.

[thecatsmeow]

Your ex over-reacted. She acted childish and proceeded to punish you for not immediately being on the same page as her concerning marriage and children. From how you explained this, she seems very immature.

When your ex brought up marriage and kids, there was nothing wrong with you being shocked and slightly taken aback by what she was saying. Many young men would have felt the same way. You had only been dating 10 months and you both are in school; marriage and kids are for couples who are financially, emotionally and mentally ready to have them. I hardly believe your ex was ready for such a big step.

This was such a small problem, the both of you could have very easily worked this out. It's a shame she took it to the length that she did.

She might come around though, she may not, only the future will tell. But i don't think your hesitation was anything out of the ordinary.

[dickriculous]

Honestly it sounds like she was trying to entrap you in marriage and jumped ship after she realized it wasn't going to happen. Trying to get you to marry her after 3 months isn't normal. It means she's either A) crazy, B) a manipulative bitch, or C) all of the above.

Consider yourself to have dodged a bullet. It might not feel that way now but down the road when you look at all of this retrospectively you'll see it more clearly. She is not the woman your hormones are tricking you into thinking she is.

The only thing you really did wrong was try so hard to get her back.

[Nicolelong]

She is lying and/or hiding something. It doesn't make sense for her to ditch out now that things should technically be easier for you guys now more than ever (from what you said with her schedule load, etc) I have to wonder what-or whom- happened while she went back home for the summer. For her to be talking marriage and children, then suddenly switch gears into not even being able to spend one day a week with you? Something's up. I would not doubt if she has either met someone else, or rekindled things with an ex back home. That would explain why she needed to block you off from her facebook ASAP too.

Regardless, anyone that can discuss such serious, permanent plans such as childbearing and then so soon afterwards, block you completely out of her life... that's some serious instability there. I think you should count yourself lucky that you didn't go any further with this relationship.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and you will see soon enough that this was a blessing in disguise

[basilandthyme]

It's very likely that this current issue was only a small part of what ended things. It's quite likely that there were other things which made her want out but this was the one which prompted her to end it.

[Rebeccaa]

Sadly it seems that it really is over. She has really made it quite clear.
Obviously uni is very important to you right now (being your final year) so just focus on what you need to do there.
It's just part of life and breaking up and moving on is hard

[xiomn]

Hey guys, thanks for commenting. I stayed no contact for about 1 week then decided to send her one final closure text (which was very long) with the intention of not messaging her again (unless she replied or initiated contact with me) Anyway, I sent the text and she did reply to me pretty quickly, but it was not in response to the closure text I sent her at all, it felt like she completely and utterly ignored it which disappointed me because I would of really liked some acknowledgement. Nevertheless, Instead we got talking about just some other random stuff for a few hours which made me feel a little bit better inside since I felt like we had made some progress because only a week ago she as I said blocked me on Facebook and told me to never try contact her again but she seemed willing to have a conversation with me again despite this. Despite our conversation she still has me blocked though, but perhaps I shouldn't expect for her to just change her mind so quickly.

I hinted a sign of not wanting to talk to me in the way she ended the conversation though, It was 2am but she said 'anyway I really need to sleep and i'm sure you do too goodnight' Perhaps it was because earlier she hadn't replied for a while and I said I was going to go to sleep, but not long after she replied back saying sorry my phone died and we got talking for a little while again, then she came up and said that randomly, so perhaps I was looking into that a bit too much and she was just reacting to my earlier message saying that I was going to go to sleep, I don't know.

Anyway the next day was my birthday and she sent me a text in the morning with a simple 'Happy Birthday' to which i responded with a simple 'thanks' and we haven't spoken since. (It's only been 24 hours) but at the moment I'm just trying to play it cool and give her space and wait for her to possibly initiate the contact next time around now she knows that we can have a normal conversation between each other again. Do you think there's any chance she will come around?