Misses my conversation

[Radpivo]

I hadn't been in touch with a girl for approx 2 months and she texts me asking how my summer is going, then after I reply she says "We have to catchup soon, I miss your conversations" Prior to this I met up With her for a weekday lunch a month after after she left the company we were working at(where we talked a lot). I tied to setup a weekend date shortly after we agreed to meet up while at lunch but she never replied directly to my attempt, not replying for a week and then just saying she had been exhausted by some weekend activities and apologized for not getting back to me. She didn't address my question of getting together. I decide to play it cool and just lay off. And now I get this affirmative text that she seems to want to get together now? Not sure what this means.

[Mathias]

She's not that into you, but you're a nice backup plan.

Move on.

[Radpivo]

You were right. After exchanging another text kidding about work, and getting a 2 paragraph detailed reply after a day or so, I suggested we "catch up" over drinks the following this coming Thursday - no reply yet. Figure she's not going to reply. I just don't understand, why she contacts me after a month and a half, suggests she wants to get together soon, and then not respond? I guess she was feeling lonely that weekend she texted me and doesn't yet have a boyfriend to comfort her so . . . . Not sure if Thursday drinks was too aggressive. . . though she could suggest an alternative, possibly less charged day/time?

Anyway, you are right, definitely time to move on.

[TheEvilJester]

Before reading your update, here were my thoughts....

I'd kind of lean towards caution, but not necessarily write her off. Reason being, yeah, I'd find it a little fishy if we used to hang out/talk frequently and that suddenly dropped off completely.... then she just reached out to me out of the blue. All the same, sometimes life does just get busy. It wasn't like you were best friends, and it wasn't like you were dating per se. So, maybe she just got busy and lost touch.

Hell, some of my best friends ever in my life and I can go months without talking to each other, but then we can pick up the next day like we were never apart. Sometimes life just gets busy. We'd like to keep in touch with people more, but it sometimes becomes difficult. My suggestion would have been a favorite phrase of mine "cautious optimism." Give her a shot, but don't get your hopes up too much, and don't put up with games.


That was before I read your update. After that.... yeah, I'd agree. Move on and forget her. I can't fathom what kind of nimrod would actually go out of the way to reach back out to you and say they want to hang out and yet then turn around and be such a huge flake about it. I think you forget it, and if she reaches out again give her a short but polite "thank you but no thank you" and leave it at that. This actually kind of reminds me of a recent new friend who, for a number of reasons I no longer consider a friend or a good person at all. It was very similar. This so-called "friend" would always be the one to bring up wanting to hang out, but then any time I actually brought it up or suggested possible plans seemed very uninterested and non-committal. Sucks, because I THOUGHT they were a really good person and somebody I wanted in my life. I thought wrong (for other reasons than just that, but that was part of it). I've since decided it is somebody I do not want in my life at all because I deserve better than that.

Same goes for you. You deserve better, even if she is just a friend, you still deserve better than that. Good luck to you.

[Radpivo]

Well I asked her to meetup for drinks, she never responded, then the day after the day I asked her out, she texted me that she was sorry but was waiting to get confirmation on plans with family(presumably for Thursday) and then forgot to text me back that she couldn’t make it. I don’t think she forgot, or if she is, it means she isn’t that interested. In any event she suggested we meetup one of the next 2 weekends a she plans to visit to a sick friend in my area(she’s about an hour from my location- So u know I suggested a place for drinks halfway between us). Not sure if I really should meet up with her as it may be a lost cause . . . Thinking if I do meet up, suggest that I'm busy this weekend but possibly the following and see how she reacts(ie. if she puts off her visit by a week) . . . Not sure what to do. Thoughts?

[TheEvilJester]

To be perfectly honest with you, my personal opinion would be to forget her and not look back. So much so that if she reached out to you to ask about making plans, I'd give her a polite and very short thank you but no thank you and leave it at that never to talk to her again. To me, it sounds like she ACTS sincerely interested, but then never follows through. So, to Hell with her in my opinion. But, I'll readily admit I do not have a lot of faith in humanity. So, perhaps I am just being cynical.

So, allow me to play Devil's advocate here...

Let's say you do decide to give her one last shot....

IF you go that route, I definitely recommend your suggestion. Tell her you are busy the one weekend, but ask if the other weekend works. At this point, she has shown very little commitment to actually giving you her time. So, don't just act like you have all the time in the world for her. You shouldn't HAVE to play these kind of games with somebody (again, hence why I personally lean towards thinking you should just leave her in your dust), but at the same time, she needs to understand that your world doesn't revolve around her. You aren't just waiting around like a lovable little lap dog for her to throw you a bone once in a while. You have a life of your own.

Good luck to you. I hope you find somebody who will truly make you feel wanted and loved, whether that winds up being this girl or not.

[Radpivo]

Well, after I texted her that I couldn't make the weekend prior, she did put her visit off 2 weeks ago, and texted me that she tried to arrange to come up to see the sick friend last weekend but couldn't(she didn't realize he was in the hospital) and just texted me today that she's going to try to arrange to come up this weekend to see him in the hospital, and she'd like to meet me for "coffee or a cocktail to catch up." Not sure, should I just let her try to arrange something, and then plan around her scheduled meeting time or say, well "come in the later afternoon and let's catch up for cocktails afterward". Coffee would definitely put me in the dreaded "Friend Zone"(if I'm not already there) and a cocktail would provide the proper environment to see her full intentions/openess, but at the same time I'm sort of uncomfortable on forcing the timing(he's really sick . . .) so I'm not sure if he's even well in the late afternoon so don't want to come across as pushy . . . ideally though I should say, "let's plan on cocktails around 5pm if that works per his condition . . . or something like that . . ." Or maybe I should say, "why don't you just visit him this weekend so you focus, and let's meet up during the week or another time" . . . or that "I'd prefer to see you without all the gloom . . ." I really don't want to invest time to become her "Friend"

[TheEvilJester]

I dunno. That hits me as being most definitely a friend kind of thing if you ask me. If she wanted to get together as a more than friends thing, I don't think the plans would seem so tentative and fluid. Again, this still really strikes me as being like she is "throwing you a bone," so to speak. Her plans with you sound like almost a second thought, like she happens to be coming up to visit her sick friend, so she figures she might as well kill two birds with one stone by spending a few minutes with you as well.

To be honest, I am not sure how to suggest you proceed. Were I you, I'd be leaning towards letting it go. Let her reach out to make plans, but not make the effort to do so yourself. Maybe that is just me, though. Frankly, were I in your situation, I'd more so be leaning towards not even accepting if she did try to make plans. She sounds too flakey for my tastes, but perhaps I am just misinterpreting. Good luck to you in whichever way you decide to go on this.