I love an older man; am I crazy?

[alice1997]

I live in a little college town. One of my neighbors is this really nice man. I'll call him Bill.

He's very intelligent, funny, kind, gentle, he's a philosophy professor.

He's also tall, broad shouldered, blue eyes (behind glasses of course) has a full head of (greying) hair, very athletic.

He went through a terrible divorce three years ago. You know the movie Let's Kill Ward's Wife?

Well that's her. Unfortunately still alive however.

Anyway, I've never had a serious boyfriend. I've had plenty of attention, people say I'm pretty, but I've never like anybody that much. The high school boys are all either silly, goofy, mean, immature. I'm still a virgin.

However I love Bill. And I can tell he likes me. And I'll be 18 in two weeks!

But he's 55.

I know my parents will have a fit if I date Bill and who knows what other people would think. At least his children are younger than I am. But don't a lot of women have relationships or at least feel attracted to older men? I certainly see it in a lot of movies.

So am I a pervert or crazy? I RESPECT Bill; I love him; just haven't felt that about boys my own age.

[basilandthyme]

Alice, I'm not going to delve far into your thoughts regarding the old guy because we both know it's not gonna happen. The odds of him wanting to date someone who is barely an adult is extremely low.

Yes, High School guys can be immature and goofy. It's why many girls your age find themselves dating boys who are in their early 20's. The average girl does mature more quickly than the average guy. When you get to college and meet more people, your dating pool will open up.

[alice1997]

Why is everything else today OK, but not this? I think I could seduce him

[dickriculous]

This is what boning him would sound like every time he opens his hips or changes position

[alice1997]

And these college guys are so great? Why do I keep reading about coeds being drugged, assaulted, etc?

I am wondering: how many other girls have feelings like this? Was it worse than most other relationships? If you didn't pursue it do you wish you had?

[starbar]

you would not be compatible in any way. mentally, emotionally, sexually etc you would both want totally different things. And your long terms goals would be completely different too. I think a lot of people do experience a crush like this at some point but actually pursuing it would be a bad move.

You would be considered vulnerable and he would be taking advantage of you because life experience, age, emotional maturity, sexual experience etc are so far apart.

If you want an older guy, go for someone 3-4years older.. not old enough to be your granddad!

I think its common for girls who have a bad relationship with their own father to find older men appealing.

[basilandthyme]

And these college guys are so great? Why do I keep reading about coeds being drugged, assaulted, etc?

WTF?

I read about older men who drug and assault women. There are men of all generations who behave badly. One cannot judge an entire generation based on the bad behaviour of a minority. And if you are seeing an undesirable behaviour among more than a few, then you need to find new peers.

There are many good men of all ages out there.

[alice1997]

What I don't understand is why all sorts of relationships are condoned - gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, etc because everyone has to "be yourself". 50 Shades has now made BDSM mainstream.

But older man/young girl is just wrong and everyone has the right to tell you that. What if I tell gay people that they're "just wrong", is that OK? And I am 18 August first.

As far as abuse goes, please. I have heard and read so much about same age relationships ending in beatings, drugging, rape, unwanted pregnancies, STDs, false promises, lies and false hopes etc. Can it get any worse?

Look at Bristol Palin, now pregnant for the second time from some jerk. How are those socially acceptable same age relationships going for her and the five kids she'll end up having from five different daddies?

Seeing how often the older man/younger girl thing comes up in fiction, I wonder if most woman haven't secretly had these feelings but maybe just didn't act on them. They have to live it out in fiction. Or maybe I just notice those stories more because that's how I feel??

[basilandthyme]

I'm a similar age to the man you're interested in. I have life experience and I'm happy to talk with you. However, I will not talk with you while you're speaking like an immature teenager who's throwing a hissy fit at her mother.

In short, I'm here if you want advice. But I will not be back if you wish only to argue. Let me just tell you this, if you want an older man, you need to start out by acting like an adult. And a very big part of being adult is being rational.

[Nicolelong]

I totally understand the infatuation with a sophisticated older man, I really do. However, the logistics of it are not on your side.

First off, you're a teenager. You are very young and inexperienced. If he is a man that is willing to be with you at this age, that says something about his character. A mature man that is approaching his senior years is probably not interested in a long term relationship with someone your age. A fling or one night stand? Possibly. But a "love" situation? The chances are stacked heavily against you. You are at opposite ends of the spectrum. There is probably not a lot you have in common that you could build a solid foundation on. Your life goals will be different. Your maturity levels will be drastically different. There is a HUGE difference in being a 30 year old woman wanting someone that much older, and a barely 18 year old. Even if you did hook up, the relationship would likely run out of steam very quickly.

Even from what you've said and portrayed here.... I do not see you as a likely Love match for a 55 year old professor. What would that say about his ethics and career as a teacher if he dated an 18 year old? How would his colleagues perceive him? That is a huge risk for him.

Even the fact that you say that you "love" him.... that is a huge word that is not to be thrown around with abandon. I don't mean to sound condescending, I really don't. But it genuinely worries me that you would be an easy, vulnerable target for him to take advantage of if he is of that persuasion.

It's fine to fantasize about this man, but at this point I think you should consider the reality of the situation and keep it as fantasy only. This is a dead end romance. Go experience guys your own age at your own level. If it's an older, more mature man you're after, then try a 25 year old, not a 55 year old.

I hope that you can accept what people are telling you- we don't want you to get heartbroken over something that will seem so obvious after the fact

[dontaskme]

However I love Bill. And I can tell he likes me. And I'll be 18 in two weeks!

But he's 55.

I know my parents will have a fit if I date Bill and who knows what other people would think. At least his children are younger than I am. But don't a lot of women have relationships or at least feel attracted to older men? I certainly see it in a lot of movies.

So am I a pervert or crazy? I RESPECT Bill; I love him; just haven't felt that about boys my own age.

You don't LOVE Bill, you are INFATUATED with Bill!!!

Not only will your parents have a fit if you date Bill, they may also file a complaint against him in his place of employment for unethical behavior. Is that what you want?

Grow up girl! You are too immature and girls like you are more prone to be the victims of the abuses you speak of. Why? Because you are naive and stubborn!

[alice1997]

I realize that probably any relationship at this stage of life is temporary. If I date a guy who is 20 or 25 is it likely to last 60 years?

I trust Bill a lot more than I do someone close to my age, who probably has his mind on one thing only and I'll just be one more notch on his belt. I want something a lot more meaningful than that.

Haven't other girls ever wanted to snuggle up with a distinguished older man instead of being pushed into who knows what weird stuff by the frat boy of the week?

[Nicolelong]

I find your thought process curious. I'm glad that you realize that most relationships at your age don't last forever....however.... you have made several references to the fact that you "love" Bill, you want something "a lot more meaningful", etc. How do you think you could go about achieving both of these things with him?

I honestly think that you have not given the guys around you a proper chance. You can't group them all into one category depending on age. Every age group has a range of maturities and experience levels. Sexual predators can come in any and every age (not sure why that was even brought up?). I don't think it's fair to assume that every guy your age only wants sex or would push you into something you weren't comfortable with. It's a harsh and undeserved blanket judgment. How would you know what guys are like in relationships if you've never really been in one? You are making assumptions and closing your mind.

I know you don't want to hear this, but the chances of you ending up with Bill are slim. He is probably flattered that you have a crush on him, but as for it going anywhere? It's just not likely. Just try not to get your hopes up too high or expect anything out of him.

I see this as being a heartbreak in waiting for you. Let's say you want to have sex with him. You've said "I think I can seduce him" winky face, so it's crossed your mind obviously. You say you trust him, etc. and decide that you want to make a move. Is it possible that he goes for it? It is. He's the handsome older professor, you are the cute barely legal student. Hey, it could happen. You might end up sleeping with him.

But then what? He's not going to want to make it official. He's not going to take you out to dinner and make you his girlfriend, you're young enough to be his granddaughter. If he did, he would face ridicule and scorn from his colleagues, students, etc. He knows this. His reputation would be damaged as a professor. He will be known as The Teacher With The Teenage Girlfriend. I'm not saying that to be mean to you, it's just an honest fact. It would be a juicy bit of gossip. It's not viable to be with you. You will have nothing in common other than that you've had sex. A lot of people are able to have sex without emotional attachment or further bonding. You don't realize this because you haven't gone there yet. Then what? He will end up telling you that the age difference is too big and that you have a lot of living to do, you're in different places, or any variation of those things. You will be devastated and angry that you have given this man your virginity and he doesn't want anything serious with you, all men are jerks, he used you, and so forth. Do you see how likely this is to happen if it does go further?

The problems is you have emotions and hormones attached to this situation so you are not seeing it clearly. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, or listen to advice that you don't feel is right. However, I would urge you to keep this fact in mind and at least go into the future with an open mind

[dickriculous]

You watch too much TV, or read too many femtard articles, or both. No, not every guy your age to 25 is a rapist/necrophiliac/fecal fetishist/etc. We're lead to believe that by the media because they're on a ratings system - they're selling what they know people will buy and reality doesn't sell. Sensationalism and alarmism does.

I don't really care if you do or don't hook up with Bill but ffs don't delude yourself into thinking you need a guy that old in order not to be abused.

[basilandthyme]

I realize that probably any relationship at this stage of life is temporary. If I date a guy who is 20 or 25 is it likely to last 60 years?

I trust Bill a lot more than I do someone close to my age, who probably has his mind on one thing only and I'll just be one more notch on his belt. I want something a lot more meaningful than that.

Haven't other girls ever wanted to snuggle up with a distinguished older man instead of being pushed into who knows what weird stuff by the frat boy of the week?

There are no guarantees with any relationship. But you have a lot greater chance of a long relationship with a man who's closer to your age. Besides, you're not going to get 60 years with an old dude anyway.

If a 55yo sleeps with an 18yo it will only be for one thing only. A bit of an ego boost, a pretty young firm body. If he wants companionship, it will be with someone closer to his own age who can share life experience with. As for young guys who you say "only want one thing", hang about here for a bit and read the posts of young men in love who want nothing more than to secure their dream girl. Young men can and do fall in love.

Frat boy of the week? Jeezus, why would a girl who has half a brain sleep with 'frat boy of the week' when there are so many great regular guys her age out there? If this is what you think dating is, no wonder you're disillusioned.

Time to wise up

- - - Updated - - -

You watch too much TV, or read too many femtard articles, or both. No, not every guy your age to 25 is a rapist/necrophiliac/fecal fetishist/etc. We're lead to believe that by the media because they're on a ratings system - they're selling what they know people will buy and reality doesn't sell. Sensationalism and alarmism does.

I don't really care if you do or don't hook up with Bill but ffs don't delude yourself into thinking you need a guy that old in order not to be abused.

yes, too much Law and Order SVU methinks. Or too much trawling crappy internet sites. Certainly not enough real life.