Finding Soulmate

[abstractx1]

I am male, and am tormented. All of my life I have been looking for my soulmate, and I think I may have found her, but she has gone now, and before it even lifted off... I fear I am going to be alone forever.

I am a loner by choice, because everyone I have ever known has been shallow, using me to relieve boredom - I don't want that. I feel like I am the only person on the planet whos sees this way. I want a wise and intelligent woman that is quiet, private, strong, mature, and awake... but most importantly, she knows what she wants out of life, and is not wishy washy. I want someone that doesn't allow herself to be the result of how life moulds her, actively looking for happiness. She is probably a loner who spends a lot of time daydreaming she could find true love... like I do.

If I had one wish, and only one... then I would wish to live in a dream with my soulmate. I want to wake up each day next to her and kiss her good morning, and make her smile by whispering into her ear. I want to see her without her mask, no lies... no hiding - we are just human, and we shouldn't be ashamed of who we are, the good and the bad, for nobody is perfect. I want to be a devilishly witty torment and tease her silly... teaching her how to love and be loved. I want to run in the fields with her, feeling the air breeze past our faces, chasing each other until we just can't run anymore, and so we lie down and hold each other close... without a damn care in the world. I want to hold her in the silence of the early hours of the morning, the sound of the world asleep, soothing us in our paradise... the words that are not said. I want to forget this nightmare that is life and just live in this dream with her... walking anywhere and everywhere, together... just knowing, knowing that we understand eachother on the deepest levels, and want each other - feeling complete, no more urges for something else. To keep someone from feeling worthless, or like they don't exist.

Above everything, I want to give my life meaning.

How does one find a woman like this? and am I being too unrealistic? I KNOW that I am like this, so I see no reason there be no woman that is similar. I just wish I knew what I was supposed to do... I hate feeling like this.

[basilandthyme]

I guess your best chance is on a dating site - as you're not going to find her in a social situation.

[SadLove1980]

In this instance, gonna tell it like it is..You're NOT going to find someone who will be with you as though "there's not a care in the world"....What you're putting out here sounds like a romance novel with all of this mushy stuff.. How old are you? What about someone to help you pay bills, buy a house, have a family with? The sound of the world asleep? what about when you get married and have a child and get NO sleep because you're changing diapers.

What you want is a simple romance with a simple woman, which you'll get for a short while, then REALITY will set in.
Do you really want a loner? Most relationships with loners don't work, sad to say.
Don't mean to bust your bubble, but a soul mate is a more complex and deeper type of person than everything you've mentioned in your post - what you're mentioning is simple things that are only momentary in a relationship. So you don't want marriage - because there's a lot more to marriage, such as sharing responsibilities and finances, that you're not listing in your romantic endeavors. it's nice to dream of a partner laying in the grass fields and whispering sweets nothings, but this sounds more like an allergy medication commercial than a relationship.

[abstractx1]

Thank you SadLove1980, you don't know how much I appreciate the honesty btw, you're just telling it like it is, and you are almost completely right... except that it seems simple and momentary to YOU - if you read between the lines, there is more there than just petty romance. I formally apologize for not mentioning the harsher things in my original post, it is unfair to others that may read it and get the wrong impression. And I know you didn't mean anything ill from your reply either so KNOW that this is NOT aimed at you or anybody, so if you were going to feel guilty, don't - I sounded like some lovestruck teen, and you had good appreciated advice. It is NOT my intent to offend/attack ANYBODY with the following post, I am just elaborating and being more clear for anybody else who may read this thread, and these are MY personal views/beliefs - it is not my intent to project onto anybody so read at your own risk.
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What I have written does sound like an unrealistic romance novel, because like I said, it is a wish... but it is only because I try to live each day like it is my last, and don't want to waste it like an animal that just gets on with things because he can't change it. In truth, I have only ever done that, and I just feel like I am wasting away - I have only ever studied, and worked, paid bills, eat, sleep, worry, and have regrets, problems etc.

Throughout all of the chaos and misery that we are forced to endure, I want to make someone feel like she can wake up to a new day of life, as opposed to another day of surviving... that someone actually wants HER, to grow old with HER - through the irritating nights of no sleep, the silent nights, the illnesses, and fallouts. To understand and accept her for who she is, and tackle this nightmare together, not just some fleeting romance... not that at all.

I DO want a loner, someone who sees value in sharing herself with the right person - I don't have friends because I don't like sharing myself with others, but I see it as a strength. I don't care about the little things that just don't mean shit in the end, because as many mistakes as we will make, deep down... we don't change, and I just want a woman to love and take care of, who will love me each day.

If we can wake up after 10 or 20 years, after all of the arguing, noise, money problems, deaths, and every other bit of hell that life throws our way... and STILL have the passion I described in my original post... that is MY outlook on life - adapt and come out better for it, no matter HOW hard it is... fighting against all odds.

What I have described is only MY idea of a soulmate, which is probably different to what everybody else imagines, which is fine - we were never instilled the knowledge at birth, so how could anybody really know.

These things that seem so simple and momentary, and I see EVERYBODY taking them for granted. When it eats away and away at you, and you wake up every ****ing day without someone there next to you, it becomes clear just how something so SIMPLE as a good morning is so important. Something so simple as a kiss, or to whisper in her ear at night, Ha, do you know how much I would value somebody that cared for me so much?

[mrs.right]

Hello Abstractx1,

You sound like quite the romantic guy. That, of course, is a good thing and will be appreciated by most women and especially the right one. I know what you mean about "being a loner," for I as well have this tendency. But let me give you some advice from my own life experience, it is not in your isolation that you will find the love of your life. And though it is by choice that you isolate yourself, it sounds like you might need to ask yourself, "Why do I choose this?" Because what I gather from your message is that, though you long for human connection, you live in fear of it. And if this is true, then you will be hard pressed to find someone who also lives in fear of human connection for the simple fact that she will fear connecting with you. If finding your soulmate is truly important to you, and it sounds to me like it is, my advice to you would be to start confronting the fears that keep you isolated in the first place by making friends. Find people that share your interests, some that share your perspective and some that don't because it's OK to be challenged in your thought process. In fact, it's a wonderful thing that when we embrace shows maturity and bears wisdom, and it sounds to me like these things are very important for you as well. If you start doing this, I am certain that you will eventually find someone worth sharing your life with. Good luck to you!