He's texting with "an escort", I am heart broken and in disbelief

[Nuve]

A little about myself...I am 39 years old, mother of 3 (2 from my previous marriage, 1 from my current marriage). I am so in love with my husband. He is just great with my kids, they just adore him. My youngest was only 4 when I divorced 8 years ago, so doesn't remember much, which I am grateful for, considering it was an awful split. My oldest was only 6 at the time, and still remembers. I honestly feel if my current marriage ends, it will be most difficult on my oldest kids. I have now been married for 5 years. Up until this current incident, I thought we were happy, I thought I had it all. It was only 5 months ago that I gave birth to my husbands baby boy, which he has been wanting for sometime now. Almost a month ago now, I found a text message on my husband's phone, that has shattered my world, I swear I feel my heart ache. Before heading to our bedroom at night, I usually pick up my husbands phone and plug it in so it can charge over night. When I plugged it in there was a text message on the screen, the person asked my husband "what are you, white/black/?", my husband responded, then this person's next text was "it will be a donation of $120". I guess I was in disbelief when I saw this. When my husband was about to go to bed he checked his phone, and that was the first message he saw when his screen came on. He immediately looked at me, I'm sure he was wondering if I had seen it. When he came to bed, he asked me if I was alright, I told him I was not sure. I asked him about that text. He responded with "I thought you might have seen that". Again I asked him who that is, what is that. He said I had nothing to worry about, that it was nothing, that it was a joke between his co-workers and friends. I told him that text is from a woman, and I need to know what is going on. He asked me to let it go. I just couldn't and still can't. I asked to see his phone again, he said he already deleted the message, but those text are engraved in my mind, I can still see the phone number in my head. I googled the phone number and what came up? A web page to an escort, with other pages on people reviewing "her services". I showed him what search results came up, I was at a loss for words. He responded with "I asked you to let this go". Without screaming or shouting, I told him I need to know what is going on, I asked him if he has cheated on me. He insists that he has never cheated on me, that it was just a joke. I told him I do not understand how this is a joke if the only two people on this text message are he and this woman. I have told my husband before this happened that I would never cheat on him. I value what we have so much, I would not risk losing everything for anything. The day we started dating I canceled my facebook account, seeing as how so many relationships have ended because people find lost loves on line, or because people get contacted by someone that likes them, then things just seem to fall apart for relationships that they were happy in. So it told him I did not understand how if he loves me so much, and loves our family, our new 5 month old baby, why? why risk it all? for what? He assures me that nothing happened, that nothing was going to happen, that he loves me. Since this all happened, which is coming up on a month, he has stopped caring his cell phone with him. His phone stays at home, turned off and away in a drawer. I just don't understand. I thought we were both in love, I know I am. I work full time, as does he, I take care of our kids, I cook, I clean, I give him sex pretty much whenever he wants (which is about every day if not every other day). I'm just so hurt. I told him I rather he leave me than cheat on me, from the very beginning we discussed things and we both know, once it is over, it's over. I don't care much for those "on again, off again" relationships, and I don't do friends. If we could be friends, then we would still be together. I'm not sure what I am asking here, I guess I just needed somewhere to vent, as there is no one that know about this, not my friends, not my family.

[Nicolelong]

I'm really sorry you are going through this.

I just don't believe he hasn't at least INTENDED to cheat on you. Why would anyone contact a prostitution service (let's call a spade a spade here) if they were not planning on hiring a prostitute? You don't give a woman $120 to have coffee with you and make friends.

You can't change what you don't acknowledge. If your husband can't be truthful and admit what's happening, there is no healing this. He needs to come clean with what he's doing before anything can be resolved. If he refuses, I would at least go to counselling yourself to help you work through this. You have a lot on your plate and I'm sure you could use some coping tools. Take care

[starbar]

he is not being honest with you and I doubt he will be no matter how hard you push him.. he has zero interest in discussing this with you. have you checked credit card bills, phone bills, internet history etc?

I think snopping is bad unless you have good reason to and you do so start snooping! You could bring that phone to someone who can access deleted messages or history. private investigator?

look if you do go looking, you will find something so be ready to deal with it first. this is gonna change your world and its not an easy thing to deal with. have a number for a counselling service ready too for you so you are not alone

sorry you are going through this but he is texting a prostitite and discussing prices. that is intent.. whether this is the first time or tenth I don't know but please remember you are not the issue here. he is!

[Nuve]

Nicolelong, Starbar, I appreciate your responses. I can in no way make excuses for him, and will have to see where we go from here. For me, after this, I know my [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1]#1[/URL] priority are my kids. Thank you again for your words and for hearing me out.