My fiance cheated

[abhuchiggu]

Dear Friends It is bit long but please read and advise

I was in relationship with a guy from last 3 years. Things were stable and everything looked perfect. After 1 year of dating he asked me to marry him and I said yes. Since we both belong to south Asia, it is important in our culture to get parents consent. His parents agreed right away however my family did a lots of Drama. Finally my family said yes. The reason for my family's resistance was we both belonged to different communities.

So after everyone was agreed we thought we will marry once we both are settled professionally and it took us another 1.5 years. By that time we moved into one place however as per our culture you are not supposed to do so. Both side of families did not know this as we live in a different city. Now comes the part when my dad decided to come to my city for a health treatment and one of us had to leave the place. I told him I can leave the place but he said he can live with a friend who lived in building next to ours. Dad came here, treatment started. It was his first time to meet someone from my family. I told him not to drink alcohol in front of dad as it is taken as offence in front of elders. He did not listen to me.

My dad did not like me meeting him everyday as before marriage you cant meet so much as our culture. So I use to go to his house making some excuses. It was matter of 8 months (We were getting married in 8 months). I tried to spend as much time as I could without offending my family. 4 months passed, Once I went to his house to give him something and he was in bathroom. there was a movie playing on his desktop so when I hit play but that window got closed and an email window was opened. All I read was "Need NSA relationship". When I scrolled down it was a new email account he created 2 months back and was registered on dating websites.

It was devastating. He came back from bathroom and I asked him about it. He said he was sorry. He said "because your father was here and you were not giving me enough time, I got frustrated so much that I did it". He said he was so used to me that after moving out I did not spent enough time with him as a fiancee and his frustration made him do such stuff. I thought myself as the devoted and dedicated fiancee to him. I told him I cannot go ahead wit it and broke it off right away. I was mad and angry.

But I did not tell this to my family because my family would have started saying "see we told you not to marry him, you went against our wishes". Meanwhile I took time to think about this relationship. There is no doubt that I love this guy more than anything and it hurts me when I see him crying in front of me. But then when this type of cheating comes to my thoughts I feel he did not value me. If he was frustrated he would have fought with me or have s=done something else other than cheating. 2 Months he kept asking and I said no because my mind said if he can do this after 3 years, he will do it later. But heart said differently. I cancelled the weeding planning and related stuff. My family was happy that it is cancelled. They wanted me to marry off with a guy my Dad knew.

I cooled off and had one to one talk to him that I am very hurt from his behavior because I never that there was anything missing in my love, dedication, loyalty for him. His actions have made me question my own judgement. His actions have made me weak in front of my family. The pressure from family to leave him (family still don’t know all this, they just don’t want a guy from other community) and the pain of this breakup have put me in a state where I don’t have anyone to look up to. My family still don’t know actual reason of cancelling wedding, I told them just because they are not happy with it so I called it off. I told him my trust is completely gone and I don’t think if it will be same again as I will doubt him going forward. He said he is not ready to accept it and he will wait for me. There has not been a single day when he did not text me to request me to take him back. Sometime when I meet him and the way he requests I can see that genuine feeling in his eyes and those tears. I do not tell him but it hurts me when I see him in pain.

2 months have been passed since our last talk, I have met him many times in between as we have same set of friends. We keep it on friendly way while trying to move on. But honestly telling I love him so much that I could not imagine my life without him. Whenever I met him and we had a talk about what happened he always feel sorry and wants me to come back. He is adamant about it and I keep thinking about him that How i cannot even think of anything else in my life when he is not here. Without him life is so empty. Last week I went for grocery and he met at store. He offered me a ride since I had loads to carry. On our way back he told me that he want me to take him back as he will keep me happy. But also want to tell me one thing that since our official breakup he did slept with a lady he met in a party as a one night stand.

Now this one actually killed me. It is devastating. Something in me actually died after listening this. I am mad at everyone, at my family, there negativity actually spoiled what was so beautiful and my ex-fiancé threw everything in garbage. I cannot understand what to do. He is again crying and begging to me. He said that since I did not gave him any answer yes or no he don’t know what to do. He did it because he is trying to move on but he cannot live without me. Here my parents already started sending me pictures of guy and his contact details. They want me to start talking to him. With this whole new sleeping incident. I feel worthless for both my family and him. I loved all of them but no one actually thought about me. I really love him so much but I am very angry/mad. What to do.

[fearoflove]

At first, I was thinking, "hey, this guy was just doing something online and no evidence that he actually cheated (as in sleeping with another) and he seemed genuine about wanting you to take him back" but then you started talking about how he proceed to sleep with another girl at a party! That is confirmation for you to leave him. His crying and begging means nothing. Don't fall for it. I know you love him but I can predict he would cheat on you again in the future. Offically breaking up is not an excuse for him to sleep with another girl if he wants you back. A guy with commonsense know that if he sleeps with another person all chances of getting back together would be gone. I know you love him. So, this will be hard and it would take a lot of courage. But go no contact. That is the only way for you to move on.