Why do men move on from relationships faster?

[SadLove1980]

I know this may seem like a fundamental question because men are simply wired different than women, but why does is it that most of the time men can move on from long-term relationships faster than women?

I know women can move on fast too - but from the stories I hear, men move on to new women in no time and they can detach from a relationship a lot faster than a woman can.

Where a woman can spend a lot time trying to get past her pain, it seems like men aren't spending a fraction of the time dwelling over their relationship.

Does anyone have a psychological explanation for this?

[abstractx1]

It is my belief that it just depends on the person, and I CANNOT talk for anybody other than myself. I personally have just gone through a loss and don't know your situation, so I will NOT compare.

It ended badly and am having great difficulty moving on. I dream about it most nights, and just keep replaying the same things in my head... "Could I have caught it earlier?", or "Why did I act like that?", or "What am I going to do now?". I can feel it, like a presence that doesn't go away and I hate it. I am trying to keep a smile on my face, but I just feel so empty, and it is killing me that after everything she said to me she just seemed to get past 'us' like it was nothing. I will never truly get past it, I know that, but hope that eventually I'll learn to live with it.

Please don't take offence to this, and I apologize if my Soulmate post offended you in any way also, please know that it was NOT my intent.

[starbar]

A lot of the time when someone jumps into a new relationship soon after a break up its because a) they were already interested in that person maybe cheating or having an emotional affair and likely dumped you for that person or b) there feelings for you ended a long time ago and they spent a long time trying to make it work but realized they cannot stay and be unhappy any longer so then once it finally ends, they are ready to meet somebody nee because for them the emotional attachment to you ended a long time ago or c) some people have a dysfunctional way of dealing with pain by turning to drugs, alcohol or sex etc as a way to "escape" emotional pain and refuse to deal with it..

it is not just men who do this. women are guilty of this too

[basilandthyme]

I'm a woman who has done this - and I can only bring my personal perspective.

1. I tend to do my grieving while in the relationship and in the lead up to ending it. So by the time I'm out of the relationship, I'm ready to hit the ground running.

2. If I no longer cared about the person, it's very easy to move on. Not caring = no pain at ending.

[Nicolelong]

I am like basilandthyme- I'm usually the one that was accused of moving on fast and not caring, but in fact, it was over before I actually ended it. I had already thought to myself months prior "Okay, one more chance then I'm out" or "If I still feel like this in 2 months, I'm done"

By the time I ended things, my heart was already pretty much healed up. I had already grieved the end of the relationship, accepted that it wasn't going to work out, and the break up itself was actually the final step, not the beginning of the end. I was already in the mind set of looking forward to the future, trying new things, and in some cases, even dating. It's not like I didn't care, it's more like I was already past that point by the time I left. I had already come to terms with it, so what was there for me to be emotional about?

I get your question though, and it's something that I've been asked about from friends before too. In my own opinion, I think a number of things could be happening. First, it's still not socially common for men to be able to break down and open up with his feelings. You probably won't find a guy crying in his pj's on the couch eating ice cream with his buddies venting about his emotions. There's nothing wrong with it if he is (hey, all the power to him) I think there's still an idea out there that guys are supposed to keep their broken hearts private. Women tend to deal with it immediately, rallying a support system, crying it out, and getting rid of all the negative feelings. We're more open about things for the most part.

I have noticed as well that a lot of guys will end up hooking up with someone else right after a breakup. My ex fiance actually brought this up one day, and told me that he HAS to hook up right after a breakup. I asked him why and he said it was a way to signal to himself that he wasn't in the relationship anymore and to help him distance himself from his ex.

But have you noticed that most of these turn out to be rebounds, and are done quickly? I think a lot of people end up in these relationships as a way to distract themselves from what's going on, just like some people will drink excessively to self medicate.

Just because you hook up with someone else doesn't mean you're over your ex! It could also be a means to heal a bruised ego, revenge for being dumped, wanting to feel desired by someone else, to know that you can find someone other than your ex... could be a lot of things. People are complicated.

The bottom line is, we can speculate all we want, but everyone is different and has different motivations. You can't ever know what he's thinking or where he's coming from

[basilandthyme]

By the time I ended things, my heart was already pretty much healed up. I had already grieved the end of the relationship, accepted that it wasn't going to work out, and the break up itself was actually the final step, not the beginning of the end. I was already in the mind set of looking forward to the future, trying new things, and in some cases, even dating. It's not like I didn't care, it's more like I was already past that point by the time I left. I had already come to terms with it, so what was there for me to be emotional about?

This!!

Perfectly worded.

[fearoflove]

It might appear that men get over relationships faster because they usually jump back into the dating world quicker than women. They are told by society and his friends to date other women whereas females are told to not date and "let time heal the heart" first. Men are also told to not show feelings and push their feelings aside, to "man up". Women are told to grieve and cry their eyes out post break up. These are all very sexiest approaches to healing from breakups. People are individuals and heal in their own way.