i need serious help

[Raina12]

So I have a boyfriend who means everything to me. Both of us spend most of our time in texting each other. We have met each other in person only twice because he doesn't live in the same city where i do. A few days back, he told me that he lied to me many times. However, he added that most of them were small lies. But there is one lie which keeps haunting him all the time and that he doesn't have courage to tell me about that right now. Therefore, he assured me that he will let me know about that lie when we would meet in person. I was very hurt, thinking that i never lied to him but he did so. Whatever he told me was killing me inside but i pretended to be okay and was replying to his text messages with smilies. But after that night, i didn't want to talk to him. I wanted to distance myself from him. I was kind of mad at him. So i didnt reply to any of his messages nor attend his call after that night. And that's where the problem starts. He is damn wortied as to why i am not replying to his messages. He texted me asking, "Are you okay? I am very worried". He has made many phone calls. Today, i want to reply him and attend his call but i am confused about what i would tell him when he would ask me where i had been. I can't think of any excuse. I am missing him too i don't even want to tell him the real reason behind not talking to him since past three days (that would seem weird because that night, i had told him that i wasn't angry)
This time, i want to lie to him. please guys, tell me some excuses which might seem genuine. I don't want to make excuses like i had been ill, i had been at hospital, blah blah. Other excuses which might seem genuine but at the same time shouldn't be too big like i had got an accident.

[Trying To Be]

So I have a boyfriend who means everything to me. Both of us spend most of our time in texting each other. We have met each other in person only twice because he doesn't live in the same city where i do. A few days back, he told me that he lied to me many times. However, he added that most of them were small lies. But there is one lie which keeps haunting him all the time and that he doesn't have courage to tell me about that right now. Therefore, he assured me that he will let me know about that lie when we would meet in person. I was very hurt, thinking that i never lied to him but he did so. Whatever he told me was killing me inside but i pretended to be okay and was replying to his text messages with smilies. But after that night, i didn't want to talk to him. I wanted to distance myself from him. I was kind of mad at him. So i didnt reply to any of his messages nor attend his call after that night. And that's where the problem starts. He is damn wortied as to why i am not replying to his messages. He texted me asking, "Are you okay? I am very worried". He has made many phone calls. Today, i want to reply him and attend his call but i am confused about what i would tell him when he would ask me where i had been. I can't think of any excuse. I am missing him too i don't even want to tell him the real reason behind not talking to him since past three days (that would seem weird because that night, i had told him that i wasn't angry)
This time, i want to lie to him. please guys, tell me some excuses which might seem genuine. I don't want to make excuses like i had been ill, i had been at hospital, blah blah. Other excuses which might seem genuine but at the same time shouldn't be too big like i had got an accident.

Do not give him an excuse and do not lie to him. Your relationship has started out with lies and they have to end now and he has to know how uspet it made you feel. Tell him it didn't bother at that moment but it ate at you when you got off the phone and talk it through with him.

[Raina12]

Actually, he would be very angry if i would tell him this. He would say that i should have told him the truth that very moment. If not that, I should have told him the next day. No point of ignoring him. At this time, i need an excuse

[Trying To Be]

Actually, he would be very angry if i would tell him this. He would say that i should have told him the truth that very moment. If not that, I should have told him the next day. No point of ignoring him. At this time, i need an excuse

He doesn't have the right to be angry that you are upset with something rotten he has done with you. Be very careful here if that is the type of person he is. No excuses no matter what.

[Raina12]

He doesn't have the right to be angry that you are upset with something rotten he has done with you. Be very careful here if that is the type of person he is. No excuses no matter what.

He told me that he lied to me because he was afraid that he would lose me if he would tell the truth. Keeping this in mind, even i didn't have the right to be angry because he did that for me, for our relationship. Morever, i am very sure about one thing: he loves me a lot. By not talking to him since past few days, i have brought so much worry to him. He is so upset and in a serious doubt that i am not fine. After making him so much upset, if i tell him that i was angry with him it would offend him.

[TheEvilJester]

He lied to you and you are worried about him being upset with you because his lies upset you? I think you have it completely backwards here, my friend. I don't see how there is ever any excuse to lie to somebody with whom you want any kind of relationship. I guess maybe if you could (if you are comfortable doing so) give examples of some of his lies, that may help us put things in context. There is a big difference depending upon the specifics. For example, a lie like "Oh, I love that TV show" when they actually haven't seen it... That's a stupid lie, but not one I'd consider make or break. However, "I'm 23" when they are actually 33, yeah, that's an example of a huge lie.

So, perhaps the specifics of his lies may clarify, but just the fact that there are several seems like a giant waving red flag if you ask me. And apparently one is bad enough that he is so ashamed of it he refuses to tell you until you are face to face.

So, yeah, bottom line, you have every right to be upset. Honestly, you should have just told him you were upset right off the bat, but you have NOTHING to apologize for due to initially trying to just let it blow over, but then later realizing it really did bother you.

So, I agree with the others. Just tell him the truth. At first you were trying to be okay with it and let it slide, but later the more and more you thought about it, it bothered you and hurt you that he could lie. Relationships have to be built on honesty and trust. If he can lie about so many little things, whose to say he couldn't be lying about bigger things?

If you tell him how you feel, and HE gets upset with YOU, then to be honest my advice would be to tell him to take a hike. Move on and find yourself a REAL man, not an overgrown child who just wants to play games. (That would be my advice, but I have to admit if I were you, my desire would be to cause him grievous bodily harm. I highly recommend NOT taking that action, though, it's just what I'd want to do. LOL!)

Bottom line, HE lied to you. He doesn't have any right to tell you how to feel about that. Now, if you want to try to look past that and give him another chance, then that is your decision. Good for you. If you do, I hope he learns from his mistakes and treats you the way you deserve. If his dishonesty continues, though, I hope you realize that you deserve better than that. Anybody would.

Good luck to you.

[Raina12]

He lied to you and you are worried about him being upset with you because his lies upset you? I think you have it completely backwards here, my friend. I don't see how there is ever any excuse to lie to somebody with whom you want any kind of relationship. I guess maybe if you could (if you are comfortable doing so) give examples of some of his lies, that may help us put things in context. There is a big difference depending upon the specifics. For example, a lie like "Oh, I love that TV show" when they actually haven't seen it... That's a stupid lie, but not one I'd consider make or break. However, "I'm 23" when they are actually 33, yeah, that's an example of a huge lie.

So, perhaps the specifics of his lies may clarify, but just the fact that there are several seems like a giant waving red flag if you ask me. And apparently one is bad enough that he is so ashamed of it he refuses to tell you until you are face to face.

So, yeah, bottom line, you have every right to be upset. Honestly, you should have just told him you were upset right off the bat, but you have NOTHING to apologize for due to initially trying to just let it blow over, but then later realizing it really did bother you.

So, I agree with the others. Just tell him the truth. At first you were trying to be okay with it and let it slide, but later the more and more you thought about it, it bothered you and hurt you that he could lie. Relationships have to be built on honesty and trust. If he can lie about so many little things, whose to say he couldn't be lying about bigger things?

If you tell him how you feel, and HE gets upset with YOU, then to be honest my advice would be to tell him to take a hike. Move on and find yourself a REAL man, not an overgrown child who just wants to play games. (That would be my advice, but I have to admit if I were you, my desire would be to cause him grievous bodily harm. I highly recommend NOT taking that action, though, it's just what I'd want to do. LOL!)

Bottom line, HE lied to you. He doesn't have any right to tell you how to feel about that. Now, if you want to try to look past that and give him another chance, then that is your decision. Good for you. If you do, I hope he learns from his mistakes and treats you the way you deserve. If his dishonesty continues, though, I hope you realize that you deserve better than that. Anybody would.

Good luck to you.

No. Actually, i am worried because i did not respond to any of his messages. He is very upset because he is thinking that i am ill due to which i did not reply him. The reason i don't want to tell him the truth is that he will feel bad that i did not talk to him about what was making me tense. Ignoring him the way i did isn't appropriate in my view too.
Secondly, i know what kind of person he is. He really loves me a lot and i am damn sure about this. Furthermore, he told me that he lied to me just to save our relationship. He did not have any other option. He had a fear that telling me the truth will cause him to lose me. If he would have been dishonest, he wouldn't even have let me know that he lied to me. He even wants to tell me the whole thing once we meet in person. Other than that, he always treats me very nicely, does every possible thing for me, makes me feel so special. He is very caring towards me.

It would really be appreciable if you guys give me suggestions on what i asked instead of telling me that he is playing games with me, he is not a real man, he is not a nice guy, blah blah blah.

[dontaskme]

No. Actually, i am worried because i did not respond to any of his messages. He is very upset because he is thinking that i am ill due to which i did not reply him. The reason i don't want to tell him the truth is that he will feel bad that i did not talk to him about what was making me tense. Ignoring him the way i did isn't appropriate in my view too.
Secondly, i know what kind of person he is. He really loves me a lot and i am damn sure about this. Furthermore, he told me that he lied to me just to save our relationship. He did not have any other option. He had a fear that telling me the truth will cause him to lose me. If he would have been dishonest, he wouldn't even have let me know that he lied to me. He even wants to tell me the whole thing once we meet in person. Other than that, he always treats me very nicely, does every possible thing for me, makes me feel so special. He is very caring towards me.

It would really be appreciable if you guys give me suggestions on what i asked instead of telling me that he is playing games with me, he is not a real man, he is not a nice guy, blah blah blah.

Have you met this man in real life?

[Raina12]

Have you met this man in real life?

Yes, i did.

[Wakeup]

Actually, he would be very angry if i would tell him this. He would say that i should have told him the truth that very moment. If not that, I should have told him the next day. No point of ignoring him. At this time, i need an excuse

If he says that then you tell him that HE should not have told you he lied if he wasn't going to immediately tell you what he lied about. What he is doing (telling you he lied) by not telling you what he lied about is game playing and the kind of bull shit that you don't need in your life from some twit that you are too far away from to actually get to know one another in real life.

Tell him you didn't come online or text because he has you sick with worry about what it is he has lied about. Then tell him you want to know now what it is or you will just end this fake relationship there and then.

YOU should be the one that is very angry because not only has he lied but he's played you and manipulated you as well.
If he is afraid that what he lied about will cause you to end the relationship then you should be very up front to him about why you have not answered him. He could be married or has some sexually transmitted disease or any number of things that would cause someone to end a relationship. Stop being an idiot and just get the conversation over with. The truth is THE ONLY WAY YOU SHOULD HANDLE THIS.

[Raina12]

If he says that then you tell him that HE should not have told you he lied if he wasn't going to immediately tell you what he lied about. What he is doing (telling you he lied) by not telling you what he lied about is game playing and the kind of bull shit that you don't need in your life from some twit that you are too far away from to actually get to know one another in real life.

Tell him you didn't come online or text because he has you sick with worry about what it is he has lied about. Then tell him you want to know now what it is or you will just end this fake relationship there and then.

YOU should be the one that is very angry because not only has he lied but he's played you and manipulated you as well.

He is not "very" far away from me. We could meet the next day after he told me that thing. But i was really upset.
Well, i think you are right. Your advice might work out. Thank you

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If he says that then you tell him that HE should not have told you he lied if he wasn't going to immediately tell you what he lied about. What he is doing (telling you he lied) by not telling you what he lied about is game playing and the kind of bull shit that you don't need in your life from some twit that you are too far away from to actually get to know one another in real life.

Tell him you didn't come online or text because he has you sick with worry about what it is he has lied about. Then tell him you want to know now what it is or you will just end this fake relationship there and then.

YOU should be the one that is very angry because not only has he lied but he's played you and manipulated you as well.
If he is afraid that what he lied about will cause you to end the relationship then you should be very up front to him about why you have not answered him. He could be married or has some sexually transmitted disease or any number of things that would cause someone to end a relationship. Stop being an idiot and just get the conversation over with. The truth is THE ONLY WAY YOU SHOULD HANDLE THIS.

He is just 17 so he couldn't be married. Lol and sex before marriage is prohibited in our religion so he couldn't have sexually transmitted disease

[Nicolelong]

I understand that you feel very strongly for this guy and you are protective of this relationship. However, you need to keep your eyes and mind open.

You have every right to feel upset. If there was a serious lie he told that he was waiting in person to tell you, then it should have waited until you were face to face. Telling you there's a big lie on the table but refusing to tell you what it is is upsetting! I don't blame you for pulling back and making some distance between you. I would be upset that someone I cared very much for is basically saying "I have a secret but I'm not telling." It is torture knowing that there is an elephant in the room and you are being kept in the dark. You are stuck waiting and worrying and guessing the worst.

That being said, I agree with the others that your focus is in the wrong area. I know you posted looking for excuse suggestions, but that is not your problem. If you start making a habit of lying in your relationship, it will inevitably fail. Being honest about your feelings is the only way you are going to mend this and have a chance at moving forward. Don't lie, don't think up a good story to excuse your absence, just tell him the truth. Let him know that it is really eating at you that he admitted to lying but refuse to elaborate and you were feeling too resentful to talk to him. If he becomes angry at you for this as you fear, then you will see for yourself what kind of person he really is.

You don't have to make excuses for your feelings! If something bothers you- it's valid. You are not wrong to be angry and worried, and shouldn't feel like you have to hide those emotions.

[basilandthyme]

Whatever this secret is, it's bad. It's something so bad that your relationship could end if you knew what it was. Yes, it sounds dramatic but this is the reason he kept it from you.

You have every right to be angry. And he has no right to be angry with you.

[starbar]

I think you are being too trusting and a bit naive. It sounds like he has done something bad (perhaps cheated on you). would you be okay with that? why are you not insisting he tell you what he lied about? I think you are too scared to lose him that you would rather ignore the issues and live in denial instead of facing up to the fact that this guy may not be as great as you thought he was. Would you not rather know the truth so you can find a guy who deserves you if he has been lying from the start?

[TheEvilJester]

Furthermore, he told me that he lied to me just to save our relationship. He did not have any other option. He had a fear that telling me the truth will cause him to lose me. If he would have been dishonest, he wouldn't even have let me know that he lied to me. He even wants to tell me the whole thing once we meet in person.

.....Is it just me? It can't just be me. Others are with me on this, right?

How is any of that okay at all? How does any of that not raise a huge red flag to you? There is no such thing as a lie to save the relationship. Unless you have a bomb attached to you that will only blow up if he tells the truth (like some sort of really lame Speed sequel when the writers are running out of ideas) then I fail to see how somebody could sincerely think they are saving a relationship by lying. Unless I misunderstand, you do not yet know what that lie is, so it is a little hard for us to put into context.

However, apparently it is so bad that he doesn't want to tell you at least until you are face to face. That's already not terribly reassuring.

Now, fair enough, I guess you are right that maybe you could have handled it better than ignoring him. Honestly, though, I don't think you should be blamed for that even one iota. I think it is understandable that you would be upset about his lies, and that may cause you not to want to talk to him for a bit.

This is one situation where I don't think any of us can or should really answer your question exactly as you asked it. I don't mean to be insulting, so I hope it hasn't come across that way. However, I am not going to give advice that I do not believe in my head and my heart, and I think honesty is your best option in this case. Others have hit the nail right on the head. You shouldn't make excuses, you should just tell him the honest truth. Again, just tell him that you were trying to just let it slide at first and give him the benefit of the doubt, but later it statred to bother you more than you thought it would. You didn't mean to ignore him, but you just needed some time to digest and process.

If he can't understand that, then maybe he isn't as good a guy as you seem to think. Don't get me wrong. I get that it can be hard to let somebody go if they seem really good for you. Here's the thing, a liar is never good for you. Not only that, but you say he is otherwise a really good guy and really cares about you. The thing is, liars are really good at faking that because they know it will get them what they want.

Am I saying he doesn't really care for you? Of course I am NOT saying that. How can I know that? Maybe, to him, you are absolutely his whole world. I'm not a mind reader. I can't know that. I am just saying that you need to be careful. Especially once you know what the lies actually are after all. If they turn out not to be such a huge big deal, then this whole thing could maybe have been blown out of proportion. For your sake, because you like this guy, I hope that does turn out to be the case. The thing is, though, if his lies weren't really all that big a deal then why would he be so hesitant to tell you?

Could we all be blowing this out of proportion? Absolutely, that could be possible. For your sake, I hope that does turn out to be true. Thing is, you may notice that everybody who has responded has had basically the same advice. That should tell you something. Good luck to you either way. If his lies wind up being a big enough deal, or his dishonesty continues, I hope you care enough about yourself to realize you deserve better than that. If his lies wind up being something you can forgive, then I hope he learns from his mistakes and proves himself trustworthy from now on.