Why has he turned me into a booty call?

[TheEvilJester]

Heck, when it comes right down to it, there would be nothing inherently wrong with him just wanting to have you as his late night booty call...... IF he was honest about that and you were okay with that. For you two to be dating, and then him to suddenly only call you up when he wants to "get it on" (Are the kids still saying that these days?) is NOT okay. As others have said, you should just reiterate that you are looking for a relationship, not a hook-up. I wouldn't necessarily say that right off the bat. Instead, as others have said, when he calls up for a late night hook-up, you just re-direct for an actual date. If he keeps refusing and/or keeps just trying to hook-up, then that tells you all you need to know. Then, that is a good time to tell him that you appreciate the time you did share already, but you are looking for something serious and not just an F buddy. No harm, no foul, but you need to move on. Good luck to you either way.

[clairere]

I'm thankful for the advice! So far I haven't reached out to him but he reached out for me during the day actually saying that he never heard from me? He wants me to start reaching out for him, I was happy about that. Recently I sent him a snap because that's how we start conversations sometimes but he didn't even reply and he usually does.. He snaps other though as I saw his points going up which means that he is using it. Am I overreacting? He just told me that he wants to hear from me but doesn't even reply. Personally I do that to people I find no interest in.

[basilandthyme]

Perhaps I'm showing my age here, but I don't think that a snapchat thing counts for much in the way of 'reaching out'. It's just so lazy. If either of you was really serious about spending time with each other, you'd use far more intent in your communications.

[clairere]

Well that is true but since he reached out for me that way I figured I could do the same.

[basilandthyme]

Well that is true but since he reached out for me that way I figured I could do the same.

My point is that his method of contacting you is lazy. It's not the action of a man who really wants to impress. And it's this laziness which is quite possibly behind his motivation to downgrade you to casual sex partner.

[clairere]

Oh I see. He used text me that before but now he used snapchat instead. Another reason that I have downgraded I think, I mean how come? I'm actually sad about it.

[TheEvilJester]

See, I think his most recent actions are just furthering the point all of us are making. He tells you he wants to hear from you more..... then when you try to reach out again he doesn't bother to respond. I do agree with basil about SnapChat, though. To me, that is not really the appropriate method for having/starting an actual conversation with somebody. Even just a text message would have made more sense to that end.

Still, I think he's told you all you need to know. He pretends to be interested, but then it seems like as soon as you show interest he can't be bothered to give you his time. Trust me, I know how you feel in saying that part of you still wants to keep trying. The thing is, you are probably just wasting your time, and you don't deserve that. Cut this guy loose and find yourself somebody who is ready to take a serious chance at building a meaningful relationship. Good luck to you.

[Wakeup]

Downgrade him to HISTORY. This guy is not interested in anything serious with you. It's very clear in his lack of actions and unmotivation to be with you.

I'm sorry.

Nothing left to dissect here. Just relegate him to history and do the mental work you need to do to get on with your dating life without him. If he contacts you in two or three weeks DON'T respond. He's just trying to hoover you back for more hook ups. It's clear now... should be to you as well. No need to be sad. Just learn from this and keep your heart off your sleeve. Don't be a booty call if you don't want to be booty.

[clairere]

This is even more confusing. Look after that snapchat I decided to text him just something casual and he starts flirting with me right away.. Once again he hits me up later on and wants me to come over as I was out, it was late, I came over. I slept with him and we stayed up talking through the night. I really felt closer to him after this? Maybe I'm just getting myself into a huge mess but he seriously seems to be into me. He laugh way too hard at my jokes, he keeps intense eye contact with me, he teases me, he notice the little changes about me and let me borrow his jacket when it's cold. He cuddled me the whole night even wanted me to sleep on his chest. I tried sleeping with him again but he just wanted to hug me. He did not kick me out in the morning, we cuddled then he offered me breakfast. He told me that night that it's sad how I never reach out for him, he said "no really but you rarely reach out for me". I'm very confused? It's been three days and I haven't heard anything so far and I want him to reach out for me now. It just really seemed like he was crushing on me so yeah..

[Wakeup]

^^^^^ Looks like you want to be a booty call then because you just invited yourself to be booty. Don't get upset when it doesn't turn into more. You just volunteered so don't be blaming him for what YOU have willingly participated in.

- - - Updated - - -

BTW: He's into you for the free, no strings attached sex. That doesn't mean he's into you enough to make you more then booty.

[basilandthyme]

This is even more confusing. Look after that snapchat I decided to text him just something casual and he starts flirting with me right away.. Once again he hits me up later on and wants me to come over as I was out, it was late, I came over. I slept with him and we stayed up talking through the night. I really felt closer to him after this? Maybe I'm just getting myself into a huge mess but he seriously seems to be into me. He laugh way too hard at my jokes, he keeps intense eye contact with me, he teases me, he notice the little changes about me and let me borrow his jacket when it's cold. He cuddled me the whole night even wanted me to sleep on his chest. I tried sleeping with him again but he just wanted to hug me. He did not kick me out in the morning, we cuddled then he offered me breakfast. He told me that night that it's sad how I never reach out for him, he said "no really but you rarely reach out for me". I'm very confused? It's been three days and I haven't heard anything so far and I want him to reach out for me now. It just really seemed like he was crushing on me so yeah..

You mention nothing about him wanting actually leave the house with you. Without this, you are still nothing more than a booty call.

The fact that he's happy, snuggly and flirty during a booty call means nothing. He's enjoying your body and your company, but it doesn't mean that he wants more than that.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with the others. He's done nothing to prove he has any intention of being serious about your relationship. Of course he acts all lovey dovey and cuddly when you are together. He knows that works. Heck, it's possible we could all be wrong, but he certainly hasn't done anything to prove us wrong in everything you've shared with us so far.

Believe me, I understand how you feel and I understand why part of you is still clinging to this "relationship" and hoping something can be made of it. The thing is, it certainly doesn't seem like he has any intention of taking it seriously, and unless that changes you are wasting your time. You don't deserve to be with a guy who cannot commit to taking your relationship to the next level. You obviously want a real relationship, and that does not seem to be what he wants.

At this point, he either needs to prove to you that our assumptions are wrong, or you need to move on and let him find a gal who won't mind being his late night booty call because he'll be hers as well. You need to find yourself a guy who will realize how lucky he is to have you and want more and more of that. If that isn't going to be this guy then don't waste your time. You are wasting valuable time that you could be with a guy who will make you feel the way you deserve to feel, and not constantly give you this anxiety and confusion over whether he really wants to be with you or not.

Good luck to you.

[clairere]

Well, I'm aware that I could be wasting my time the only reason I hang onto this is because we used to date like "normal" before. We did those typical dating stuff but he had to do all the work, I just went with the flow and already back then he complained about not hearing from me and that he was disappointed in my lack of communication. He definitely was more about building some sort of relationship back then. I mean I could go a week without talking to him and he would be upset about it, then two weeks without seeing each other but when we do meet nothing's wrong. After this, after three months total he made it his "mission" to sleep with me then all this started happening. I may have come off as really uninterested in him but that's because I'm scared mostly.

[TheEvilJester]

Okay, fair enough. So maybe you weren't attentive enough at first. I wouldn't know, you would. If that is the case, then it is great that you can admit that. So, sure, it could be understandable why he'd sort of drift away if that was the case....

The thing is, that still doesn't make his present actions okay. So, now suddenly you are trying to be more attentive and he just pulls a 180. How does that make sense, and how is that fair? Is it like some game for him, like he thinks he used to feel like you didn't offer him enough attention, so now that you are trying he is going to show you how it felt? Unless I miss my guess, you didn't mean anything careless or malicious when you felt perhaps you weren't giving him enough attention. Unless I misunderstand, it wasn't as though you blatantly didn't care to be attentive, it's just maybe he progressed more quickly than you did. That can happen. You didn't owe him anything at the time, and by your own admission, when he made it clear he wanted more you did try to make the effort.

So, bottom line, at this point he owes it to you either to give you two a serious try, or to let you go if he no longer wishes to pursue a serious relationship with you. And you owe it to yourself not to allow yourself to be strung along. Maybe you weren't as attentive to him as you should have been at first. I can't know that without being him or you. However, that certainly doesn't mean you deserve to be played with like this.

If he can be willing to get back to giving your relationship a serious chance, then awesome.... go for it. It's just, if he's not going to allow that, then don't waste your time. You don't deserve that. Nobody would.

[Wakeup]

So you think that showing him more attention with your vagina is going to make things okay with him again? Really?

Why didn't you tell him: "I'd like to see you but it is too late to go to the park and would you like to meet for lunch or a quick bite to eat for dinner tomorrow instead?" If he turned you down and didn't make another REAL DATE to see you when it would be more convenient for him then you would know for sure that you are just a piece of ass when it's convenient for him. You're too easily persuaded into his bed for him to make any effort outside of it.