Why has he turned me into a booty call?

[clairere]

I have to say that it hurts going from dating to turning into a booty call since he has texted me late for the fifth time and wants me to come over. I used to hear from him during the day but I don't anymore same thing as I used to see him during the day but now he only texts late. Not so long ago about three weeks ago he was telling me that he wants to do this and that, activities during the day. I barley text him and it bothered him, so we didn't talk for very long then he stopped inviting me out and started booty calling me. I have texted him during the day recently and he was up for it but still.. I did not sleep with him right away I was very strict with everything sexual but I gave in recently when he texted me late and came to pick me up, now I kind of regret it but it was just one time after dating for three months. Anyways how come he decided to turn me into an attempt to a booty call? I don't want to be a booty call but somehow I ended up here.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, I cannot read minds any better than you can, so I can't really tell you why he suddenly is treating you like a friend with benefits after you've been dating for months. All I can do is speculate. To be honest, my first guess would be he decided he didn't feel that you two hit it off well enough that he wanted to continue the relationship, but he was hoping to still "get his" out of keeping you around anyway.

Bottom line, unless you've agreed you are cool with that, it is not okay at all. He should just be a man and be honest with you. So, I think my personal advice to you would be to end it. Even so, if you so desire, you could talk to him about it first. Just explain that if you two don't hit it off well enough, you'd prefer to just go your separate ways. That you are not okay with just being his late night booty call. It is all or nothing for you.

If he cannot commit to you beyond a friends with benefits type situation, then best for you to move on and find somebody else. Good luck to you.

[Wakeup]

I have to say that it hurts going from dating to turning into a booty call since he has texted me late for the fifth time and wants me to come over. I used to hear from him during the day but I don't anymore same thing as I used to see him during the day but now he only texts late. Not so long ago about three weeks ago he was telling me that he wants to do this and that, activities during the day. I barley text him and it bothered him, so we didn't talk for very long then he stopped inviting me out and started booty calling me. I have texted him during the day recently and he was up for it but still.. I did not sleep with him right away I was very strict with everything sexual but I gave in recently when he texted me late and came to pick me up, now I kind of regret it but it was just one time after dating for three months. Anyways how come he decided to turn me into an attempt to a booty call? I don't want to be a booty call but somehow I ended up here.

Just tell him no when he contacts you late at night and tell him you're available to do lunch the next day if he is. If he doesn't respond or turns you down then you just tell him not to call you anymore. He's not turned you into a "booty call" unless you agree to be a booty call.

If he's interested in you for more then an orgasm then he'll meet you for lunch or he'll make an alternate OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM date with you if lunch the next day doesn't work for him.

[Nicolelong]

I would speculate that he is attracted to you but the feelings aren't there to turn it into a relationship. You say he's hit you up for a late night booty call *5* times? Girl... it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why he keeps doing it- you keep letting him!

If this isn't what you're after, do not respond to his booty calls/texts. Call him the next morning, say "Oh sorry I missed your text last night I was sleeping. Do you want to hang out this afternoon?" If he's interested, he will hang out with you outside of the bedroom, during the day. If he just wants you for sex, he will only offer to meet you late night for sex. Then you'll know. If you don't want to be just a hook up, quit sleeping with him outside of a real relationship. Simple.

[Wakeup]

There's a echo in here.

[Nicolelong]

I try not to read the other comments before posting to keep neutral. Sorry.

[Starnique]

These ladies are right.

If you don't want to be booty then don't be booty. Clear communication works well with men. Its like if you don't say nothing and accept it and keep these feelings to yourself, he'll assume that you're okay with it. Follow the advice that you were given. Teach people how to treat you.

[basilandthyme]

I try not to read the other comments before posting to keep neutral. Sorry.

Echo is a good thing Nicole

[Nicolelong]

LOL Seriously? I read the other comments after and felt like a tool

[basilandthyme]

Sometimes some of us post at the same time and come out with nearly identical advice. I reckon it's 'great minds thinking alike'

[Wakeup]

LOL Seriously? I read the other comments after and felt like a tool

No need to feel toolish It's clear that there really is only one answer for this Op so we are all going to have the same advice. I was just surprised that we both thought about a next day date.

[clairere]

That is very helpful but what do you mean I let him? I said no until the fifth time I could not controll myself when he offered me, I do regret it. I feel like I ruined everything now I mean is there a way to start seeing each other again? It would be so awkward to text him again after sleeping with him when we're not exclusive and be like let's take a coffee. It's been three days and so far I haven't heard anything from him. What I don't understand though is why did he decide to booty call me in the first place when we were doing great, it's not something he would ever do before until now suddenly.

[basilandthyme]

YOU didn't ruin anything. If he's seeing you as a booty call, then nothing you did or do is going to change that for him. Yes, you could put boundaries for yourself, but if you do that, you'll either end up as booty call or ex. Thing is, if he wanted a relationship with you, then you wouldn't be having this dilemma.

If you give yourself any blame, it should only be for not looking out for yourself enough. But I remember being young and thinking that the guy fooling around with me wanted a relationship....but he didn't. I was just good for fun. Many of us here have probably experienced something similar.

Thing is, the only way you can ascertain that you're not a casual thing is to have the discussion about whether or not you're actually an item. Now, I have taken risks in this area by getting intimate without having figured out the relationship status first. Some have paid off (my now partner of many years) and some didn't. But if you take this route, it's important to accept the risks and be able to roll with the punches. If you can't roll with it, then you need a bit more discussion before you sleep with a guy.

[Wakeup]

That is very helpful but what do you mean I let him? I said no until the fifth time

You should have not said yes at all to a booty call (late night invite to come over and hang) If you were horny, then you should have invited him to do something with you the next day and if he declined, then that is your clue that he is wanting you for sex without commitment.

I could not controll myself when he offered me, I do regret it.

You could have controlled yourself had you been educated enough to realize that you have to not be booty call if you don't want to be just booty. You know yourself enough now to know that booty call sex without the companionship of a true partner is not something you want to do so now you go forth, leaving this guy behind, and you will be that much more dating savvy in the future. You should not regret the fact that you are a sexual/sensual being who enjoys sex. Had you not gone for just sex, it's most likely that he would just fade on you eventually.

I feel like I ruined everything now I mean is there a way to start seeing each other again? It would be so awkward to text him again after sleeping with him when we're not exclusive and be like let's take a coffee.

Why would you feel awkward? It's your expectations that sex should lead to a relationship and you know that it has not in this case that makes you feel ackward. Just text him and say can you meet me tomorrow at 1:00 at (name place) and then tell him if that's not convenient when would be a better time for him. If he turns you down and doesn't make another time or he outright ignores you then you know enough to remove his contact information and stop wondering about him.

It's been three days and so far I haven't heard anything from him.

Well, he hasn't heard anything from you either. What is your point?

What I don't understand though is why did he decide to booty call me in the first place when we were doing great, it's not something he would ever do before until now suddenly.

You may have been doing great but he had not committed or even agreed to be exclusive with you. It's not uncommon for people to not become exclusive when they are first dating if while they are getting to know one another it is decided that there is not enough in common to become committed/exclusive, bf/gf. It would appear that He is fond of you and enjoys your sexual times together but he's not wanting anything further. You'd be smart to find out if he likes you for more then booty by inviting him to do something else with you outside the bedroom and if he doesn't jump at the chance then that's your closure and you can write him off as an experience that will keep you from thinking that sex automatically leads to a relationship.

You'll be fine no matter which way it goes. Just learn from it or you will find yourself in this situation many times before you find someone that you mesh with enough to keep it going.

[Nicolelong]

You have gotten some fantastic advice here OP! There's nothing more I can add that hasn't been said LOL Take this as a learning experience, regardless of the outcome. We all make missteps in relationships, especially when we're inexperienced. Keep your mind open to the suggestions made, I think they all would be very very helpful for you to consider. It's really not as complicated as you think :-)