Social media problems in marriage

[Dee6315]

Hi . So my husband and I have been married 12 years , have 3 kids . We've had good and bad times but over the past year we've really re evaluated our marriage and have made efforts to improve it . Communicating better , talking before fighting , taking time for eachother etc... Things have been good , problem is he recently got on facebook . He started friending all these out of state half naked women , everyday there's him making comments like oh your insanely gorgeous ...love your eyes .... You look hot ..etc... And he left his account open on computer and I saw that he has been private messaging some of these girls and having prolonged conversations .. Listening to their problems .... Day to day how are you ..I miss talking to you ... I think about u ... Gets some of the women to send him naked pics too. I confront him , he says it's harmless Bc he had no intent on meeting them but admittedly enjoys the attention he gets from these random women . He says I love u , I go home to u every night . I'm married to you . I explain this is hurtful to me and disrespectful. He responds back by shutting down his account altogether and accuses me of micro managing him and not allowing him to have friends , I say it's inappropriate and disrespectful to me . We're not young kids screwing around . We are both in our 40s and this isn't normal . I said if he wants to do that then he needs to be single and do that . He keeps being nasty to me in regards to forcing him to not talk to random women . Am I crazy ? I told him if I was doing something he found upsetting I would address it and rectify it . I feel like he's trying to turn this around and Blame me ? Please help with advice . I should also note 5 years ago we separated bc he cheated w a co worker and we worked very hard to get our life and trust and marriage back on track .

[Wakeup]

You and he seriously need to get yourselves to marriage therapy and he needs to get himself to personal therapy to discuss in private with someone why he needs this attention from other women. There is something missing in HIM to the point that he has an addiction to getting his self-worth through superficial and inappropriate goings-on with other women. I suspect that they are sexting and he's masturbating to their text and pictures.

I would hope that you would be okay with him masturbating to some one dimensional porn but to be interacting with other women and then acting like a 12 year old when he is called on it means that he really should address what is missing in him.

I commend you both for trying to keep your marriage together but it would appear its gone beyond you or he being able to fix this so it stays fixed. He has an issue and as a woman who is supposed to be in a mutually respectful, monogamous union you are hardly "micro-managing" him. He has been crossing a very fundamental relationship boundary. Thing is to find out why he keeps doing it.

[Dee6315]

I've tried getting him to go to therapy , he doesn't want to go . I have no issues w porn , he can watch and do what he wants with that no problem . I don't deny him sex either . He absolutely has a self worth issue ...he doesn't think highly of himself and admits he is courageous online than in person. But all well and good if you're single . I don't know the solution . He has to admit there's an issue before we can correct it . He keeps telling me I'm harping on the issue . So I'm trying to give it a week or so let him hopefully think about it .... I don't know

[Rebeccaa]

He is in fact cheating and while he can deny it forever it doesn't change the fact. He is now acting like a spoilt brat because you have taken away his toys. He is obviously not willing to listen to you as he thinks you are wielding a big stick. I would suggest some counselling from a professional so that there is an impartial third party and emotions won't come in to play.

[fearoflove]

Don't make allowances for bad behaviour. Should have kicked him to the curb when he cheated. Men lose respect for women who doesn't respect themselves so that he is why he is has the audacity to bullshit you.