Looking for some insight

[tiber]

My girlfriend of over 2 years decided to call it quits. I’ve been in quite a few relationships but this is the first time I’ve heard this reason. She told me she loves me but doesn’t have the energy for a relationship. She called it being selfish and she just wants to focus on her right now. I’m quite not sure what to make of it. We lived together and she decided to move 30 minutes away to be with her friends and concentrate on her new job. I asked her to be honest and just tell me if there was someone else but she told me flat out that there isn’t. If she was going to be in a relationship it would be with me. I can understand taking a break if she feels that way but just ending it? I’ve decided to leave her alone and let her contact me if she desires. Totally confused. Looking for some insight.

[Rebeccaa]

it sounds as though everything is pointing at the fact that she isn't as invested in the relationship as you are.
There may be nothing wrong but no spark there either, for her. She is calling it being selfish so that she is shifting any of the "blame" onto her and away from you.
For her the relationship has run its course. If she just wanted time out she would have said so, so it seems that it is over.
I think you are really wise to not harass her but you might have to accept that it is over.

[tiber]

You could be right. She was never very affectionate so that didn't change. Personally if you tell someone you have a good relationship / love them but say it's time to be on their own I just dont understand that. I'ts so hard now a days to find someone so to jettison someone like that is BS. Yeah I'm angry and hurt. So trying to be friends with her is really hard right now. Plus she still has some of her stuff at my place and her cat. She's made no movement on getting any of it.

[basilandthyme]

I'm sorry this ended for you.

Don't try and be friends with her. It will only prolong your healing and will eventually be uncomfortable when you start dating others. Ask her to come and get her stuff. Be nice about it, but remember that you're not a free storage unit.

Try to not put too much emphasis on her reason for leaving. Sometimes it can be really hard to pinpoint the actual reason and so the reason we quote is sometimes not entirely accurate. In your case, her not being so affectionate could have been part of the problem/symptom of the problem. The only thing that really matters is to accept that they no longer want to be in the relationship.

It will be tough for a bit, but you'll get through it. Good luck

[Nicolelong]

She's just not as interested in the relationship as you are. Your first big hint should have been when she moved out to be closer to her friends. Her priorities right now are her friends, socializing, and work. That is her focus, and it doesn't include a relationship with you. This is pretty common with young people who are first out on their own. It sounds like she is not in the right mindset to be in a serious relationship, and has gradually moved (physically and emotionally) away from you to accommodate this.

I don't think that it necessarily means there's someone else, it's just not the right time and/or the right person. I'm sorry that this has happened, but at the same time, aren't you glad she isn't dragging you on and making you believe in something that isn't there?

[tiber]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I do have an update although equally confusing. I have been making it a point to not contact her which I hadn't for a week. My ex girlfriend who normally hates texting was blowing up my phone with messages the last couple of days. She then asked if we could go out to dinner which I hesitantly agreed to. We went out to dinner and basically all she talked about was herself. Being the nice guy I am I listened intently. When the bill came she made no effort to pay her half. Now call me old fashioned but if your not dating someone it's just common courtesy to pay your way. I did also notice she was watching me intently all the time we were together which made me feel really uncomfortable. We then went back to my house to talk some more. When she did leave she gave me a hug which I told her I missed her but I wish her all the best. No response. Not a bloody word. She got in her car, waved good bye and she was on her way. Now I've talked to my friends and not one of them can figure out whats going on. Maybe she found out I'm not waiting for her and I've started to date again. Just weird. I think it's best to cut ties completely with her.

[woody]

Yes, weird and flakey indeed.

AFter reading your first post I thought, " she's a cop out" wishy washy flake who lacks the huevos to be forthright and honest and instead resorts to cliches and b.s, (sorry to say)

and then after reading your next post, my thoughts were confirmed. Next time wait for someone with some more substance, character depth and quality, someone straight up and real.
Happy dating...

[tiber]

Well she finally came over and picked up her stuff and cat from my place. Gave me a 20 minute notice which I was not happy about. Didn't bother cleaning up any of the mess she created before leaving. To make matters worse she didn't even bring my keys to the house or my garage door opener back. This I would have to say was deliberate but I kept my composure. She did give me two really tight hugs and told me she would see my soon. I hate games and just because she doesn't know what she wants that isn't my problem.