We broke up, we still love eachother...

[Agnesrhcp]

My boyfriend of 1.5 years and me broke up last night. He didn't want to break up, he wanted a break, but things like that don't work with me so I broke up. The thing is we had a wonderful relationship for 1.5 years and in the last 2 weeks he changed drastically from perfect to okay. I couldn't take that so I tried to talk to him and ended up crying every time, while things just got worse. I don't know what to do. I love him and he does too. But I feel like he has been faking the love for all this time. How can a person just change overnight?
He used to be overweight and people really disliked him. I met him and I fell for his personality. I told him how he could make people like him and what he was doing wrong, and he succeed. I motivated him into dieting and working out, doing it with him even though I didn't need it and he lost 20kg and built up muscles, now he looks very good.
He's really good looking and charmant and I'm sure he could have any girl now.
I don't know what to do. I feel betrayed and used, I don't know what to feel...
I asked him if something was wrong, if I had done something wrong, but he doesn't really have an answer for that..

Help me please, i don't know what to do! I want to be with him, but not with that persone he's become in the past 2 weeks...

[basilandthyme]

It sounds like you got involved with a fixer-upper. I could be really wrong here, but it does sound more like you were a personal trainer instead of a girlfriend. It's just kind of interesting that the only things you cite from the relationship was how you changed him. I dunno - perhaps I'm reading it wrong. But what you wrote left me feeling uncomfortable.

Anyway, when we make dramatic changes to our lives and outlook, our personality will also change. His world is now bigger and wider and he's a different man. If he's younger than, say 25, this will also account for a lot of growing and maturity on his part.

A sudden change usually requires a catalyst such as a different romantic interest, a change in job, a big fight etc. Or sometimes we can just have an epiphany about this person not being suited to us anymore.

What reason did he give for wanting a break? And what changes in his personality did you see in the last two weeks? You wrote that up until two weeks ago, it was perfect. Now, no relationship is perfect. They each have varying degrees of push and pull as we work out the big and small things in our lives. When you did disagree, were you always respectful to each other? Were each of you accepted by the other person's friends? Are your goals in life the same?

I hope you find the closure you're looking for.

[Agnesrhcp]

Hi there,

I had written more but then I lost my post so I had to write everything all over again that's why i only wrote that I guess... Well we had a very good time, we understood what the other wanted, we had the same life goals, the same perspective, ideas... He did a lot for me, things that everybody could see like putting on my shoes or bringing me flowers, telling me how beautiful I am. I did a lot for him too, but more things only him could see.
We never fought before that. We had kind of a fight 3 weeks ago but it was caused by the fact that we didn't talk about the same thing, i was angry about something and he thought i was angry about something else, so he got angry, but I would have too if I had really meant what he thought I did. But we made things clear and got along well afterwards.. I think things started being different after that fight though.. We're both 19

[basilandthyme]

Oh, that's tough for you. I don't know how to say this without sounding like an old dinosaur talking down to you - because it's not my intention.

During our teens, we change SO much. When I look back at my teens, it was like I was a different person wanting different things and having different views every three years or so. It is such a time of change. And because of all this change, it's completely normal (but no less hurtful!) to find that our relationship needs changes as we do. I bet you're very different now to when you were 16. And at 25, you'll be very different again.

Grieve this relationship. Spend the time you need being angry and sad. But then see that the sun will shine again and that there will be more boys. Many more boys And your life will be good.

[Nicolelong]

But I feel like he has been faking the love for all this time. How can a person just change overnight?

Answer? It didn't happen overnight. This probably built up over time until he decided to break it off. Your instincts told you that he was "faking it" and going through the motions for a while. At 19, there are sooooo many reasons to break up with someone. You are new to relationships, not sure what works and doesn't work, for you, and are less able to filter out what will be good long term. That all comes with experience and maturity. Most 19 year old guys will be commitment shy at the best of times.

Sometimes things just don't work out, and there is no one or nothing in particular to blame for the collapse. You are so young yet, and there are many men and opportunities awaiting you once you are ready. There are new romances to be had and new experiences to enjoy. Remember when you first fell in love with him? You're going to get to do that all over again. Isn't that wonderful?

[Wakeup]

Maybe now that he's got more confidence from losing all that weight and perhaps he'sgetting girls attention due to the improvement so he's just wanting to be single for a while.

Are you his first girlfriend?
When he asked for the break, why did he tell you he wanted it? What did he want a break from? Did he feel smothered? Did he want to date others? Did he feel you were too controlling or needy?

For what it's worth; I think you did the right thing by breaking it off completely... breaks rarely work out well so you've saved yourself the agony of waiting around while HE keeps his cake while having it to. You'll heal much quicker from this once you accept that its over and put your mind back into single mode... You're a smart girl and a good catch. In time, You'll find a good man that will make you more happy then this boy ever could.

[Marylan]

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