Can I set her mind at ease or is it a lost cause?

[anthony21]

Okay very quick background. I have known this girl for years, met first day of college and been friends about 2 years now. The last year or so we both became aware of a mutual attraction and last fall we moved on it. For several reasons, the big one being that we were both off long term, several year long relationships, we ended things after a few months. We stopped talking about January, didn't speak until April at which point we start talking again through mutual friends.

At this point it is pretty obvious to me that she still has pretty strong feelings, I did a lot of good the couple months we dated so it really stuck with her, but because she initiated the break off last time she was hesistant. We end up talking and agreeing we both wanted something to happen so we start seeing each other again and taking it slow. Things were going great the past few months but about a week ago things took a bad turn.

Basically, she has had bad relationships in the past which have led to her having fears of future relationships. She is afraid of getting hurt or rejected, and even more so she is afraid she will basically run out on me and hurt me. The last time we talked seriously, she said she had strong feelings, did want us to be together and did want this to happen but because of her fears, we needed to take it very slow and have a little more space. I agreed and said that since I understood her hesistance we could slow things down and take it at the pace she liked. I also said that she could take a few days to cool off before contacting me.

SO, now here is where it got confusing for me. This last talk happened Monday night. Tuesday night she calls me and we have a nice, regular couple -type talk as we normally would. Then Wednesday she asks to do google hangouts, which is a group skype thing, with a few of our friends that we haven't seen lately. I reiterate that she does not need to force contact with me and that I am okay with slowing it down, she thanks me and says I am right. Then yesterday she contacts me again, but only via snapchat.

Basically, I am very very confused how to handle this. I think she is being honest that she wants us to be together, she admitted a few weeks ago she was falling for me and described me during our last serious talk as the best guy shes dated and one she wants to be with, but the way she pulls back worries me. And the fact that she can't seem to keep from contacting me seems like a good thing, but I do not want her to feel pressured and break it off. Any advice or opinons would be awesome.

[Nicolelong]

You've been in contact with her-which she initiated- EVERY DAY since you've had this talk. You already agreed to taking things slowly. And you've been in contact (in various forms) every single day since. IMHO, you're doing well.

My advice would be to respect her decision of taking things slowly, and not put any pressure on her. Someone who is already skittish about being in a serious relationship is not going to take it well if their every move is being dissected and questioned. Think No Pressure, and just have fun and get to know each other. Let things unfold naturally and don't push her or she will bolt.

[woody]

Your over thinking things. Relax. Sit back and simplify this. Allow what will be to happen naturally.