Long distance relationship

**4fresh** · 15-08-15, 10:13 PM

Ok, first of all I want to apologise for my bad english, is not my native language and I am *still* learning it alone.
My problem is this long distance relationship that I have to manage.. This summer (2-3 weeks ago) I met a wonderfull girl on a summer camp that lasted for a week. We madly fall for each other in just that short time (maybe I speed up the whole thing because im an Aries), manage to kiss her, and developed a pretty strong emotional bond with her (even if she is an Aquarius, and dont show his feelings very often, she was to madly in love with me and she trust me, even if we dont know each other for such a long time). When we were togheter everything was amazingli smooth and with her next to me I could manage the relationship almost perfectly, but even in the time we spent in the camp I realised that deep down she is afraid to commit to me that fast because "I might get bored of her and just leave as fast as I comed", that she expresed several time in a indirect manner. Every time I tried to relax her and tell her that everything will be ok and even if we were apart after we leave the camp I will text her and call her often. I end up promissing her that until the next summer camp I will become the most amazing man she ever met (because she was complaining in a joking manner that I was too immature) and I will be loyal to her. If you have to know something about me is that im a bold and passionate lover, guided mostly by heart and she is almost at the other end, guided by mind and facts but still a loving person under a cold apperance (made even colder by her "hard to get attitude" that she displays because of her fear that I might get bored and leave).
After the camp we managed to keep very well in touch, but you know, she made some strange things that I can explain just because she is aquarius and she needs a lot of space for her own... She is very hard to get on the phone, or she reply to my messages very hard because she tells me that is busy, but when I manage to get her on the phone we talk for hours and in the end, even if I like a lot to talk to her I have to be the one to end up the conversation. After this kind of stuff begin something like a "hot streak", she manage to respond to my text faster, respond faster to calls and even call me on her own sometimes. I can see she needs me after the way she talks to me but when I try to tell her something sweet or to be more sentimental at the phone this generates no respons and even if I see she tries a lot to prove me that she likes in her own way, her difficulty in expresing her feelings doubled that the "hard to get" attitude that she still have because of that fear ( she indirectly suggested me on phone that thing several times) and her difficulty to respond to my texts (she dont even respond sometimes) makes me feel very awkward. I mean... I do my best in showing her love in this relationship, and at the same time i try not to look needy or stuff like that, but I feel bad everytime i give her a call after 2-3 days of silence and she dont call after at all.
I need some advices guys, how can I make her to open up a little bit, because even the phase of this relationship seems to be good enogh for her, I need to some affection, or at least some more showed intrest in responding my texts in order for this to work. I mean, I love her, is an amazing girl and I dont want to leave her, but in the way that things are working right now I start to feel a major turn off. Please help

**basilandthyme** · 15-08-15, 11:08 PM

4fresh, I'm really sorry but this is the way it is with summer romances. They are wonderful and intense but once you go back home away from each other, they die. It would seem that she's already beginning to move on without you and get on with her life. This isn't about getting her to open up - it's more about the fact that if she really wanted to keep this going, she'd make time for you.

Those wonderful, intense feelings - the butterflies you have in your stomach - how you can't stop thinking about her - this isn't love. It's infatuation. Love is a deeper, calmer feeling which comes after we've known each other for a while and after all that excitement has faded.

It's only been a couple of weeks and you're already not getting your needs met. This is the sign that you need to walk away and find a relationship where you can be properly fulfilled. It's unfortunate that you made all those promises to her, but you will learn from experience to never make promises like that to someone who you know so little about. In future, keep your promises for someone who you've dated for long enough to know that the relationship will last long term.

**4fresh** · 16-08-15, 03:21 AM

Originally Posted by basilandthyme

4fresh, I'm really sorry but this is the way it is with summer romances. They are wonderful and intense but once you go back home away from each other, they die. It would seem that she's already beginning to move on without you and get on with her life. This isn't about getting her to open up - it's more about the fact that if she really wanted to keep this going, she'd make time for you.

Those wonderful, intense feelings - the butterflies you have in your stomach - how you can't stop thinking about her - this isn't love. It's infatuation. Love is a deeper, calmer feeling which comes after we've known each other for a while and after all that excitement has faded.

It's only been a couple of weeks and you're already not getting your needs met. This is the sign that you need to walk away and find a relationship where you can be properly fulfilled. It's unfortunate that you made all those promises to her, but you will learn from experience to never make promises like that to someone who you know so little about. In future, keep your promises for someone who you've dated for long enough to know that the relationship will last long term.

You have no ideea how many times I hear that from ppl around me... I hoped I can get a good advice here but it seems you cant understand this situation... It will be so easy for me to give up and search for another girl. IS THE MOST EASY THING I COULD DO. But this girl likes me, and want to keep in touch with me. I dont want to hurt her feelings just because she didnt make some time to response to all my texts. It actually apologised a lot of times because she didnt responded. The actual problem is that this girl have a problem with expressing her feelings... I knowed this thing by the time we were toghether in the camp, and I asked here for help because I want to know how to act in this tipe of situation. You actually tell me to give up and keep the life going... You think I couldn't do that? Yes I can, but I dont want to be that type of bastard that doesnt text you and forgotts someone after a week or two spent apart. And my needs are fullfiled if I know she is happy, because then I am ok too. My concern is about what thing I could do or not do to makes things better for her. Shoud I stop text her often, and show up once a week or 2? Or shoud I do something else? Thats the type of advice I needed, not the typical "leave her and live on" that everyone is telling me.

**basilandthyme** · 16-08-15, 03:55 AM

I am not surprised you keep hearing the same advice. And with the exception of a romantic, dreamy few, you'll get more of the same advice here too. Most of us giving this advice have enough relationship experience to recognise when someone is no longer keen on us. And most of us know better than to give our love to someone who isn't giving the same amount of love in return. It's a really hard lesson to learn - and I had to learn it the hard way too. I truly know how you feel.