Well, so much for love.....

[tampitump]

Plain and simple. I'm a loser. Not of any accomplishment of my own, I was just born that way. I'm old and have never even kissed a girl. Girls always hated me. I don't know what it was about me, but I was never even a contender in their eyes. I went for years watching other men have their pleasure, and seeing myself degrading. I'm happy to say that I'm now over 99% of it. I've learned to love life alone and there will be no going back. The only part that still bugs me to this day is the 'why'. Why was I never good enough. I get upset when I can't figure out the answer to something, so if I can answer this question, I'll be solid.

I'm NOT here looking for love advice (yes I know it's love advice forum). I'm just looking for debate and conversation concerning my question. I've moved on and have completely closed off all possibilities of any involvement, romantic or otherwise, with anyone. I'm just looking to solve the isssue stated above once and for all. So lets hear your opinion. Thanks.

[basilandthyme]

How can we possibly give you the answer to what you're doing wrong when we haven't seen you interact with women? If you want analysis, you have to give us data.

Now last time you did a post about this, I asked what your male friends have to say about why you're not getting a girl. I don't recall you ever answering. So what do they say?

How old are you? Are you employed? Studying? Do you look after yourself physically and dress/groom stylishly?

What about friends? Do you socialise with both men and women? Do you get on well with women in a platonic sense?

And here's a big question: What do you think of women in general?

You may think the latter-most questions are irrelevant but they are important in finding out 'why'.

[dollhouse]

What is your question?

Is it : "Why was I never good enough?"

Look people like what and who they like you can't force yourself to be who and what you are not, it will come off as fake and cause you a whole new set of issues with people. I find it difficult to believe not one girl, or women in your life has no been attracted to you or wanted more with you? What do friends or family say when you discuss this with them, do they say your good points and bad?

[tampitump]

I'm 24 years old. I don't normally talk to women. Their actions when I'm around them seem to indicate that they don't want anything to do with me. Most of the time when I see a girl I'd like to talk to, she usually has this expression like "please don't come near me or talk to me." So I always just let it ride. However, my approach to them is very casual and normal. I don't put on airs or try to be someone I'm not. I have a few male friends but I don't normally go out and socialize. I don't typically try to strike up conversation with people. Most people overlook me and talk over me in social situations. So my conclusion is that I'm just undesirable, for whatever reason. I'm not rude or disrespectful, I guess it just might be my looks or something. Girls don't take me seriously and it doesn't even register with them that I could potentially be a date for them.

As for what I think about women, I think women are intelligent and gorgeous, but stupid in other ways. The guys you choose often puzzles me. But who am I?

[Wakeup]

Post a pic.

[tampitump]

Post a pic.

Good luck getting me to do that.

[basilandthyme]

Ok, so the the problem isn't actually with you and women. The problem you are having with women is the same one which prevents you from getting into easy conversations with either gender in social situations.

I too, have spent many years struggling in social situations. I find my husband's friends and family particularly difficult to get involved with. I mean, they are nice and all, but we just don't click. We don't have the same hobbies and interests and I find it all quite tiring. They are not at all interested in me and what I do - but again, this is because we're so different. However, I've found other friends who I can socialise with easily. Not many - but enough. A year or two ago I met some new people who like all the same weird stuff that I do. Instead of feeling like the strange person who likes weird stuff - I now have people who get it. It's so nice to have people who you can share your interests with. Sorry, I'm rambling - but perhaps you can find similarity between us?

The thing where you've tried approaching women? It's gotta be the hardest way to meet a girl and with the highest failure rate. I'm not surprised it hasn't worked for you. While I can't speak for all women, I would never accept a date from a random stranger. I'm far more likely to chat with someone who's a friend of a friend. Or someone who I see at the gym,pool etc from time to time.

In short, I think the reason you've failed is because you've got the wrong friends.

[tampitump]

The reason I've failed is simply because girls do not like me. I'm terminally destined to never attract girls. Girls don't even want to talk as friends. They don't even give me a chance to just be friends and casually talk, even when it's non-flirty. They want nothing to do with me. Get too close in proximity to them and they get this look like "please just go away, eww just go away." They roll their eyes, sigh with disgust, and refuse to make eye contact.

Yep, I just gave up a looooong time ago.

[basilandthyme]

But it sounds like you don't really have a good group of male friends who's company is mutually enjoyable either. I'm still thinking this is a general friendship problem rather than a girl specific problem.

[tampitump]

Nah, I'm just nerdy and awkward. I know it's not my friend's problems. I just don't click with women. I think it's just that I'm butt ugly and awkward. I don't perceive of myself as being the way I am. That's why I'm always astonished when I look in the mirror. That ugly humanoid animal of a person cannot be me. It's worse now that I'm old. Whatever decent looks I ever had when I was young as a result of being young are gone now.

Plus, it's not just my looks its the whole package. Nothing about me is attractive, from looks to personality to the sound of my voice. I'm just a dud. Poor me, huh? lol..... I think I've answered my own question.

Would have been nice to have been one of the good looking guys in high school. Have girls be interested in me, go on dates, go to dances/prom, etc. I never did any of that stuff, ever.

[basilandthyme]

Nah, I'm just nerdy and awkward. I know it's not my friend's problems. I just don't click with women. I think it's just that I'm butt ugly and awkward. I don't perceive of myself as being the way I am. That's why I'm always astonished when I look in the mirror. That ugly humanoid animal of a person cannot be me. It's worse now that I'm old. Whatever decent looks I ever had when I was young as a result of being young are gone now.

Plus, it's not just my looks its the whole package. Nothing about me is attractive, from looks to personality to the sound of my voice. I'm just a dud. Poor me, huh? lol..... I think I've answered my own question.

Would have been nice to have been one of the good looking guys in high school. Have girls be interested in me, go on dates, go to dances/prom, etc. I never did any of that stuff, ever.

Permission to cut and paste next time you're here asking why.

[Marylan]

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Or +13527295202

[TheEvilJester]

I know how you feel. I've been there many times myself. Hell, I'm still there now. I've been having a much more positive outlook on life lately (mostly, I had to force myself to get back there) but, no matter how badly I want it, love still feels hopelessly out of my reach. It can be hard not to wonder what the Hell is wrong with me. It can be SO hard not to look in the mirror and see a monster.

The thing is, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I haven't seen you, but I very much doubt you are "ugly" because there is honestly no such thing. One person's "ugly" will be what somebody else finds most attractive. So, there are women out there who will find you attractive.

I think you and I both, what our problem is more than anything is lack of confidence. I'm working on that, but I wish I could share that renewed determination with you. I know it is easier said than done (trust me, I know), but the first step is to believe in yourself. When that seems impossible, start by pretending you do. Sort of "fake it til you make it."

Another thing that can possibly help is to throw yourself more into friends and social situations. The more you hang out with good people, the more friends you make, the more people you have that seem to think you are a really good guy, the harder and harder it becomes to disagree. You start to see yourself through their eyes and start to realize if so many great people think so highly of me, then either they are ALL wrong (many people), or I am wrong (one person). Do the math on that one,

I know it seems hopeless. I have been there myself. But, don't give up. If it could help, do not hesitate to seek out professional help. It is NOT a weakness to admit when you need help, nor a weakness to accept that help when you do need it. We all need help sometimes. If it could help you to start to find your way out of this fog, then why would you not utilize any tool in your arsenal you can?

You said you are 24. That is NOT old. I am 32, having in recent years gotten myself out of a mistake of a relationship I should have ended long ago. As much as I may not always believe this, it is NOT too late for me to find my true soulmate. She's out there somewhere. I may not always believe that (Hell, I'm not so sure I do now), but I can't allow myself to give up. As the saying goes, you gotta be in it to win it. If I give up, then it is over. If I keep trying, then maybe I WILL find somebody, but obviously not if I give up. I'm 32 and it is not too late for me.... you are only 24.

Good luck to you. I know words cannot really help, but I feel your pain and would help in any way I could. I wish you the best of luck in fighting this battle, a battle I personally know all too well myself.

[tampitump]

Maybe you're right. I just need to lighten up. Well, I'd probably believe that if I had already tried that before/

[Wakeup]

Good luck getting me to do that.

PM it to me. I'll give you some suggestions for a makeover if it turns out I think you need it.