No straight answer

[cheazypeaz]

cant, i only had 2 left i could send, i can send a three times long message, 450 charracters but i have no freebie ones left. and i'm not putting credit on my phone to send her messages.. meh, whats the point.

[Tone]

Well yeah, then don't waste anymore time. You said what you needed to say, no need to reply just reiterating what's already been said.

Just don't reply and move on.

[whaywardj]

Yeah, I'd call her and be like, "Look woman. You dumped me. But now you won't stop bugging me? What do you want from me? Honestly. I had feelings for you, you kicked me to the curb, and now you want to keep me around why? Don't you understand that the world doesn't revolve around you? You want to be 'just friends' with me, but that would cause me just more pain and frustration. Try to think of someone besides yourself for once"

BOOM-POW-SUPRISE

Ooooooh!!!

My liine to a like antagonist was, "Unless you have vastly more of yourself to offer me than a "how're you doing?" or a "fare thee well," I don't care to hear from you again at all, ever."

[cheazypeaz]

well, i thought i made it clear.

she has text me again today at about 1pm (now 9pm) and asked how i was doing, etc.

i dont get it, i thought i made it clear i didnt want her to speak to me. i feel pressured into replying to her, due to the fact we were going out so long. but i have explained to her how i feel about talking to her.

does she want me back? does she want a friendship? does she intentionaly want to piss me off? ..

opinions?...

[equivo]

i think if she wanted you back she'd make it obvious. she probably just wants to stay amicable with you.. girls like having lots of friends, and they have this thing about friendship after relationships. to be honest i would just ignore her if you've already made it clear that you don't want her to contact you.

[cheazypeaz]

cool, thanks for the advice.

[Tone]

Don't respond, don't fall for the trap.

[cheazypeaz]

i havent replied, whats the trap may you add.. ?

[equivo]

my view of the trap is this:
girls are expert at saying just the right things at the right times to keep you hanging on, to that tiny chance (which doesn't actually exist) of getting back together. they continue to do this to keep you as the backup guy, while they go out and have a merry time with other men. don't let her use you to fall back on when things don't work out for her.

[whaywardj]

my view of the trap is this:
girls are expert at saying just the right things at the right times to keep you hanging on, to that tiny chance (which doesn't actually exist) of getting back together. they continue to do this to keep you as the backup guy, while they go out and have a merry time with other men...

Hehe. Sometimes, I wonder if it isn't us guys who give women who do such a thing the idea to in the first place. There she is, all changed and shit, moving on. They he is, all unchanged and shit and wanting to stay together. She does the best she knows how to make the breakup nice and friendly so there can, maybe, be at least some kind of association afterwards. (Community seems to be vastly most important to women than to men.) Then he, in either hurt or angry tones and somewhat wild-eyed, expresses his suspicion, "You're only doing this to keep me hanging on in case this other thing doesen't work out."

Finger placed delicately to lip, she ponders: "Hm. Now there's a thought." And proceeds to learn the skill.

If you're sure you're done with it, Cheazy, and you can, don't even respond to any overtures from her. At all. Two or three or four times of not getting any reply at all when she knocks on your brain will cause her to go away.

[whaywardj]

Seriously though: I once dated a woman for just over a year who had a spectrum of male 'friends'. At the top of her list was her one lover and potential life-mate. Just below him, were her casual daters; guys with whom she'd go out to dinner and what-not, and flirt about, but not be intimate with beyond a peck on the cheek. Just below them, were guys who were actually friends.

Periodically, all these guys would change their positions on the spectrum. The lover would become her friend; the ex-lover turned friend might become one of her casual daters again; one of her casual daters would move up to the lover slot.

It was maddening. I never knew who the **** I was meeting for the first time.

She didn't see a thing at all wrong with this system.

[Junsui]

Some do try to string the guy along giving him hope, while others are trying to end the relationship nicely like Hayward was saying. Sometimes we aren't meaning to give hope, but we dont want to just rip you apart by saying "F*ck off, I don't want to be with you anymore!"

[whaywardj]

Some men drive women to that point, though, by trying to hang on when they shouldn't. Generally, men are afraid of change. Especially any for which they haven't given their permission.

[Junsui]

So true, Hayward. Don't get me wrong, I know some women can be manipulative and try to keep the guy hanging on so they have a "back-up" or whatever, but I've had exes just drive me nuts because they won't let go.

[whaywardj]

Yep. The other side of the "twisting the knife" myth. By and large, I don't believe women enjoy "twisting the knife" at times of breakup. It's more that some guys just keep grabbing at the blade she's been forced to use to cut herself away from the wrongness of it all, trying to make her stay.