Insecurity with his ex. Am I crazy?

[EmptyWords93]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 months, and I love him with all of my heart. We've never had any serious problems. He tells me this is the best relationship he's ever had.
About 2 months ago, I looked at his Instagram for the first time. I don't have instagram, so I was just curious. I stumbled across pictures of him with exes, but one that particularly struck my nerve. She's a sexpot of a girl, and I read comments about how everyone and he thought she was so damn beautiful, and "it's not luck, it's love"
So I decided to look at her instagram... like one of those idiots in a horror movie that doesn't know when to get out while they still can. It was full of pictures of her in sexy lingerie and poses, her with my boyfriend, sexy pictures FOR my boyfriend, and since he's in a band, she advertised her half naked body in a cut off of one of their s with her hanging out the bottom. Most hurtful was a leather bracelet he made for her, engraved "my Love". All of the comments only made me feel that much worse.
I did my best to get over it without letting on that I was feeling insecure. But last weekend, the band played a show in her area and she said she was going to come. He told me, and I sort of let on that I wasn't comfortable with it but I tried to be okay with it. They apparently went to school together and were friends for a long time. They only got together for a month and it was a "bad idea". He said she wanted to meet me.
I was fighting tears almost the entire way there. I started drinking, and by the time she showed up I was shaking and dragging my cigarette like a chimney. She was dressed in too short silk shorts and a tiny top and was posing for cameras, came up and hugged me and went straight to my boyfriend and started talking. The singer's girlfriend came to me and offered a look, and we took a walk around the corner together. I got back, they were still talking and apparently took a picture together with the singer while we were gone. I got back, and she left after a few short moments to go inside. Soon after, my boyfriend went inside to get food. I finished my cigarette and went back in to get another drink, and she left to go to another concert before the band even played.

I have been having serious problems with this, and although my boyfriend and I have talked about it, he says my feelings are stupid and immature, and he loves me. He said they weren't even a thing... but would he have made her a bracelet if they weren't? If she really wanted to "meet" me, why didn't she say a word to me? I am so confused, and I hate feeling this way. I am wondering if I am crazy for feeling this way... I know he wouldn't hurt me intentionally and I trust he wouldn't cheat... That's not what hurts -- I don't know what hurts, honestly. It's destroying me and I feel like I won't get over it until he understands why I have a problem with it. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Or am I at all justified? How do I go about talking again without being annoying?

[smarta$$]

How do I go about talking again without being annoying?

I don't think you should mention it/her again. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend did anything inappropriate, so if you have a problem with it, it is YOUR problem, not his. (Don't MAKE it his.) Just forget about it.

[basilandthyme]

Agree with smarta$$. He's done nothing wrong - so don't talk about this with him.

Almost all of us get irrational worries from time to time. The trick is to learn to self soothe and not put our angst on our partner.

[EmptyWords93]

Alright, I know that I was being a little irrational and overreacting. I do have an inferiority complex due to my past, which is something I work on, but this caught me at a bad time, I've been feeling like SH* about myself due to life circumstances. My anxiety over it was extreme and probably still is.

Rationally, I know I should feel okay. What I don't feel okay with is that he called my feelings about it stupid and immature. I have always had a hard time being open with my feelings (hence their intensity when I do), so being told that kind of made me feel crazy, and made me think of all of those stupid petty things even more. Sure, drunk or hungover is not the best time to talk about emotions. I don't think he meant for it to hurt me the way it did and it was just a moment of frustration for him. I know he loves me and cares for me, but I guess he isn't used to seeing me just be vulnerable. I'm not either.

All I want is for him to understand, but I don't know how to ask for it. It's all new to me, and I'm glad I feel comfortable enough to want to share my feelings with him. It's a huge step for me to want to open up to someone. How do I go about talking about it again without making it seem like I'm just being crazy and insecure again? The girl is not my problem anymore, though I admit thinking about how it all went down still kind of hurts. They did take a picture together at the show without me, which I felt was kind of rude.

I regret having that conversation with him while I was drunk and hungover, both times.. I want to have a rational conversation and have him understand me, and not feel crazy for maybe having some unnecessary feelings over it. I know I'll have to see many exes in the future and I'm okay with that. He happens to be friends with a lot of his exes and it's just something I have to learn to deal with. I've met some of them already. It's only her that I feel this way about. Is it too much to ask for a little understanding at first? Isn't that what you do in a relationship? I feel wrong keeping problems on my chest.

[Nicolelong]

You are not abnormal, and your feelings are not silly. I think we all have found something from our partner's pasts (ahem, Facebook pictures) that make us feel jealous and insecure and comparative. It's human. I would not act threatened by her, as it does not seem like he crossed any lines. It will only create problems that aren't there. You've brought it up and addressed the issue with him, now it's time to work on it internally. It is not his fault that she still has pictures like that of them on her social media.

Try googling "Retroactive jealousy" It may give you some insight into what is happening :-)

[Wakeup]

I read comments about how everyone and he thought she was so damn beautiful, and "it's not luck, it's love"

Was that on his page or hers?

IMO: If it was on his then it was disrespectful to you. Even if it was something said in the past he should out of respect for you, delete it. If it were me, I'd be asking him to do just that and if he didn't well then it would tell me a lot about him and his inability to be empathetic to my feelings. If its on her page from the past well then he has no control over what she does but he could ask her (as a friend) to remove it out of respect for you.