Is it cheating? HELP!!!

[dkeane]

After three long years of being single, I thought I finally found the right man...from the time we met we never separated...only problem in our relationship is he kept online relationships with other women... I told him that hurts me ....he promised to stop...I found out recently he told a woman if he wasnt with me he would be with her, I was very hurt considering we are married... He says its not cheating, I say it is when you constantly try to pick up women online. He won't stop. Your opinions? Keep in mind, he's sick with liver disease and 95% of the time, he's in bed and I am his constant caretaker. I feel more like a nurse than a wife. But when he feels fine, he is online and distant to me, he even communicates with his ex's.

[Wakeup]

You are definitely his caretaker which is the dysfunctional opposite of caregiver.

He does it because he never has to suffer any negative consequences for his piss poor actions.

I'd leave him and before I left... I'd fry him a pound of rotten onions to accompany his spoiled liver.

Seriously though... get yourself out of the situation and start that process by getting help for your codependent nature and your addiction to the mis-treatment.

Smart-ass comments aside... I mean everything I said even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. You can change you and your circumstances but you have zero chance of changing him if he doesn't feel he needs to.

- - - Updated - - -

Oh... here's something for you to read that touches on your issues of codependency...

http://www.expressivecounseling.com/codependency-caretaking/

Start getting yourself on the right road by reading anything you can by Melody Beatie who writes the bible(s) on codependency.

[solarion]

Yeah, it's cheating and it's disrespectful. It sounds like he was doing this before you got married and imo you bear some of the blame for allow that to continue into your marriage. If he promised to stop and did not, then you should escalate the situation. As a rule I don't like threats very much, but you should set a definitive time frame for him to be done with this behavior and tell him, if he does not keep his promise, and stop emotionally abusing you, that you'll leave him. Just don't make any threats you are not able/willing to back up with action.

[fearoflove]

It is your duty as a wife to stick by him and take care of him even though he is disabled but it is also his duty as a husband to be loyal to you. Communicating with other women in that context is emotionally cheating. He has broken his promises so you are not obligated to keep yours.

[Chock]

He is absolutely cheating, and I'd insist that he stop at once... with no more.... ever. You might need some counseling, but I'd give this very little latitude. If he continues, I'd strongly consider leaving him.

You need his loyalty, honesty and respect 100%. The is NOT a good situation at all. And you shouldn't have married until you were convinced that it had totally ended.